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[NF] NF's: What is your primary love language?

INTPness

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I thought I saw a thread on this some time ago, but I'm having trouble locating it. That's OK, let's start a new one.

Of the 5 primary love languages discussed in "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman, what would you say is your primary language? I don't know if this author is the first to write about this and I don't really much care - I'm more wondering which of the languages that you most identify with in relationships and if there is some sort of correlation with type.

For those who don't know what the languages are, they are discussed briefly here: Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages: Learn the Languages

They are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

After discussing this with a family member, it seems that maybe a lot of SJ's that I know enjoy "Acts of Service" - afterall, they are looking for "help mates" in life. I know a couple of them that when I help them do something productive (move to a new city, help them work on a Saturday, clean up the house) - they really enjoy this and appreciate it.

I'm perplexed because as an NT - mine is Physical Touch - without a doubt. I don't know if that's rare within the NT subset, but I'm going to head on over to the NT Rationale and find out, but I wanted to hear from my NF buddies as well.
 

Lady_X

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yeah there is a thread somewhere...probably titled 5 love languages but i've taken that test and read the book too i think mine was words of affirmation and quality time...i usually express affection by saying sweet things or doing fun things with them....and i guess i like that in return too...with physical touch being up there too close to the others i think. the others don't really go as noticed by me.
 

Domino

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I'm probably the same as Lady X. Granted, when I'm distressed or deeply agitated, I need to be touched properly and in a timely fashion, but that's likely just somewhere behind taking care of my environment. Gifts fall far last.
 

cascadeco

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Quality Time and Physical touch are probably most important to me. Words of affirmation are quite important too (you know, that whole communication aspect is pretty darn necessary ;)), but I need an action/behavior to support the words - words alone don't do a whole lot.
 

Lady_X

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Quality Time and Physical touch are probably most important to me. Words of affirmation are quite important too (you know, that whole communication aspect is pretty darn necessary ;)), but I need an action/behavior to support the words - words alone don't do a whole lot.

right...that's an important distinction...it's about the ability to communicate and a shared feeling of being understood and just caring to hear what the other person has to say and enjoying great conversation...flowery words with no actions to back it up loses a lot of weight.
 

Amargith

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1) Physical Touch
2)Words of affirmation
 

Lauren Ashley

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Test Results:

Percent Language Score

37% Quality Time 11

33% Physical Touch 10

13% Words of Affirmation 4

10% Acts of Service 3

7% Receiving Gifts 2


No surprise there.
 

BlackCat

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My primary love language is Quality Time, my secondary is Physical Touch. I love this theory. Acts of service just generally make me feel put on the spot, as if I have to repay the person for what they've done, but they see it as an act of love and often don't expect anything back. I only realized why both the giver and the receiver (me) in this situation were confused with my reaction when I learned about this theory. As for Gift Giving, I'd say this is my least used love language. I NEVER think about giving gifts honestly, the only time I really give gifts is when I'm guilted into it by someone else, and even then I don't see the purpose. Words of affirmation are alright, I just usually don't think about using this love language, but having it used on me is pretty much met with a positive response, since I don't see an issue with it.

Quality time is clearly my primary love language. The keyword here is quality. I really like to spend time with people that I like, this is basically how I show my love. If I initiate with you, if I want to talk to you, then I like you as a person. Physical touch is also very important, but that love language is reserved for my significant other, I'm not sure how this process works with bonding with friends as a main language.
 

JocktheMotie

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You NFs and your "quality time!" If I notice you're in the room, that should count!
 

Udog

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Quality time first. This doesn't mean quantity of time, though - in fact it might suggest against quantity. It means sharing time together, instead of simply occupying the same space at the same time.

Physical touch second. Touch can express things that words can't.

Spending some time cuddling on the couch often ranks very highly on my list of successful evenings.

You NFs and your "quality time!" If I notice you're in the room, that should count!

:wubbie: Oh what tragedy that you had to be male!
 

BlackCat

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Quality time first. This doesn't mean quantity of time, though - in fact it might suggest against quantity. It means sharing time together, instead of simply occupying the same space at the same time.

Physical touch second. Touch can express things that words can't.

Spending some time cuddling on the couch often ranks very highly on my list of successful evenings.

Bolded- EXACTLY what I was trying to communicate when I said keyword quality.

Also it's odd yet cool that we have the exact same love language preferences.
 

Nonsensical

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1 Quality Time
2 Acts of Service (Love is ACTION)
3/4 Physical Touch/ Words of Affirmation
5 Receiving Gifts

I may be taking it out of context, but the way I see it that love is action, and that words of affirmation and physical touch serve for a more shallow relationship for me, and the real love comes in through quality time and a little of acts of service. Receiving gifts shouldn't even be a love language.
 

The Third Rider

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Apparently I am not only bi-lingual in real life but also in the love language.:D

27% Words of Affirmation 8
27% Quality Time 8
20% Acts of Service 6
17% Receiving Gifts 5
10% Physical Touch 3
 

runvardh

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touch and quality time, but I'm also one way with acts of service. I put more into something I do than I get out of something done for me.
 
P

Phantonym

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Well, according to the test, my priority is quality time with acts of service and physical touch close behind.

I agree with Udog that it's about quality and not quantity. Space is important and makes the time spent together even more precious.
 

MonkeyGrass

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Mine are Words of Affirmation and (really thoughtful) Gifts.

Nothing wins me over quite like a surprise whimsical gift I've been wanting along with a long note telling me how spiffy I am and how much I mean to someone. :wubbie:


^^^
I think the above appeals strongly to my INFJ need to be *known*. If you've done your homework enough, and stuck with me long enough to get past my serious layers and find what's going to make me clap my hands in a giddy, silly way, you're so IN.
 

Spamtar

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13%
Words of Affirmation 4
23%
Quality Time 7
7%
Receiving Gifts 2
27%
Acts of Service 8
30%
Physical Touch 9

Here is a link to the test again Love Languages Test

This is ironcally how I like to show love to others to
 

OrangeAppled

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Words of affirmation and quality time tie. For me, these equal emotional support, which is key to me feeling close to someone.

After that, physical affection and services. I'm not one to initiate affection, but I still need it. Services show me someone is willing to sacrifice their time/energy for me.

Lastly is gifts. Gifts are nice, and they make me feel spoiled and appreciated, but they don't mean as much as the above acts.
 
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