[INFP] Sudden Realization

[deepthought]

I think im coming back to my true self how i was when i was a child. I'll give you the info, as a child i was sensitive,introverted and and very caring and such, the classic INFP. Then after my birthday in 2006 my brother was hit by a car, i had felt it was my fault and still do to this day, i became a changed person after that taking on more of a tough outer skin if you'd call it that. I got diagnosed with depression,PTSD and Oppositional Defiance and didn't give jack shit about nothin or nobody not even my family, i turned away from everybody. Darkest days of my life and i've learned a huge lesson, the whole point is that i think im coming back into my INFP consciousness if you'd call it that. I really needed to get it out of myself and now i feel alot different but better.

 

[ngannacvy]

that's nice... that you're feeling better now... so what happened or how did it happened that made you feel like it was your fault? If you don't mind sharing, tell me about it.

 

[deepthought]

He was crossing the street in the crosswalk, I was back about 20 feet tying my shoe when i looked up it was him getting hit by a car. It was bad he was dragged about 15 feet, the guy stopped, i was hysterically crying, in turn it was bad. I see him later that night at the hospital, and when i go home all I was thinking is if he was gonna live or die, cried for hours that whole night got no sleep. I always felt it was my fault as he was 10 at the time and he was crossing a major street and this was the first time he had done it without me by his side, making sure nothing happened. I felt as though i had failed as an older brother, being taught by my mother and father to watch out for my brother and sister make sure they stay safe, being the oldest. I felt so bad that i had contemplated suicide many times but realized that it would bring even bigger grief to my family. He's fine to this day, but now I'm extremely, almost unhealthily over protective over him.

 

[PeaceBaby]

What a heavy weight you've been carrying ... I am glad to hear your brother is well. And that you are becoming well again too.

I send you many ...

 

[Charmed Justice]

I'm glad to hear that your brother is OK, and that you are beginning to feel like yourself again. So important for us NFPs, to feel authentic and all.

 

[The Grand Chameleon]

I felt so bad that i had contemplated suicide many times but realized that it would bring even bigger grief to my family.

Excellent foresight. If you had killed yourself over your guilt, how do you imagine your brother would have felt? Suicide is never the answer. Live on.