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  1. #41
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Just lie a lot. That really does the trick for me.
    It's hard to imagine what that isn't the ENTP solution for.

  2. #42
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    Show them/surround them in something from their childhood or past that comforts them. Play the happy nostalgia card. That means different things for different people, of course.

  3. #43
    Senior Member GirlFromMars's Avatar
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    Hmm, well for me personally - I feel like I'm always there for everyone else. I feel like a shoulder to cry on. I LIKE being there for people, but it doesn't seem to be given back as much. I get very hurt because I feel like I'm more sensitive towards others, make more of an effort to listen to them and show I care. I wish people would give the same back more. So, basicaly, the perfect way for me would be to listen and show interest in what I'm saying is wrong. Show it in your expressions too. I don't know if it's just me, but I find myself watching out for people's facial expressions when I feel like I may be being a burden on them. :|

    Say things such as "wow, that must really suck" etc. but DON'T try and fix it and use too much logic!!! And for Heaven's sake, don't say anything like along the lines of "you shouldn't feel/think this way"!!! Can't stand it. I agree with who said a push to go and do something you know we enjoy. I'll need that push. The idea may sound very undesireable at first, but once I get out there I'll probably cheer up at least a little. But, also, know when to leave me alone with my thoughts. Never said I was easy!

  4. #44
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JivinJeffJones View Post
    It's hard to imagine what that isn't the ENTP solution for.
    Yeah but Fe tells us that cheering people up is one situation where lying is somehow morally preferable. (???)
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  5. #45
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    GirlFromMars - you put that very very well - especially the reading expressions part. The only think I could add is that for me hugs help. A warm hug can carry me through a lot of rough stuff.

  6. #46
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    When I'm down about something, the best thing a friend could do for me is help me to change my focus... to focus on something else. I'd probably have some resistance at first, but if the friend persisted, I'd probably eventually find whatever they're talking about more interesting than whatever I was down about.

  7. #47
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saxman View Post
    It's natural for people to want fix whatever is bothering them. This usually just frustrates the INFP because they've spent so much time thinking about all the possibilities, and whatever fix is being suggested has already been considered or tried.
    This bothers me a bit. I've been mulling it around in my head. What's the point of discussing something if you are just going to rely on what is in your head?

  8. #48
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    This bothers me a bit. I've been mulling it around in my head. What's the point of discussing something if you are just going to rely on what is in your head?
    Primarily to vent so as to cleanse your head & move on and to get much-needed emotional support. Showing confidence in an INFP helps them to forge ahead, because sometimes that's all that's really holding them back much of the time. They know what they need to do, but they need to feel they CAN do it themselves.

    We also like to discuss to clarify our own thoughts (external questions help you sort things out), to get help in choosing between several conclusions we've come to, to get confirmation of a solution, or perhaps help to see why something is not a good solution.

    As Saxman pointed out, when you've heard the whole story and gotten all the clarification from the INFP to fully understand where their head is at, you'll likely see that the quick-fix solution has already been considered. It doesn't mean you cannot provide additional insight, but people are often too quick to chime in with the obvious and that's just condescending. We NEED the well thought-out insight to fill in the little gaps we've missed. It's the subtleties we're grasping for, because we see the big picture easily.

    For me, when I want advice, I usually ask for it directly, so it's easy for people to know if I am venting or want a solution.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #49
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    That makes sense but I've run into the "this is how it is I can't fix it or make it better" mentality.

    Let's go with the "I can't get a job." Seriously, it's impossible? I'm supposed to believe someone telling me they've exhausted every possibility on the planet? That they *won't* change their situation or try something else because it just doesn't *seem* right to volunteer or work a menial job. "It won't work" seems to be a mantra.

    Sometimes I feel like it's placating. "yes, yes, you can't get a job, thats terrible, awful, the world really did it for you this time" I don't want to be the friend agreeing while thinking, geez, this person is just wallowing. I think that's one reason it concerns me. When you are listening to other's problems are you placating them, too?

    I'm not trying to dog anyone, this is actually a question for me that I would like to understand. Your response has helped somewhat. I had a (non-infp) friend and I used to ask their opinion. They would give me it but oftentimes I would do the opposite. It drove them INSANE. I just wanted their opinion, not for them to make the choice. They couldn't understand that I just wanted more data, so I had to eventually stop asking them for their opinion because it became a big argument.

  10. #50
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    That makes sense but I've run into the "this is how it is I can't fix it or make it better" mentality.

    Let's go with the "I can't get a job." Seriously, it's impossible? I'm supposed to believe someone telling me they've exhausted every possibility on the planet? That they *won't* change their situation or try something else because it just doesn't *seem* right to volunteer or work a menial job. "It won't work" seems to be a mantra.

    Sometimes I feel like it's placating. "yes, yes, you can't get a job, thats terrible, awful, the world really did it for you this time" I don't want to be the friend agreeing while thinking, geez, this person is just wallowing. I think that's one reason it concerns me. When you are listening to other's problems are you placating them, too?
    That mentality often comes from feeling powerless and overwhelmed, which leads to hopelessness. This refers back to pumping the INFP up. "You are capable" type of statements. Helping us gain perspective is good too, and you can do that by pointing out the positive things in our life and our positive qualities that enable us to solve the problem. There is a fine line of being trivializing of course, but the idea is to put the situation in perspective, not to downplay our feelings. The idea is to focus on the positive instead of telling them they are just wrong. Why kick a dog when it's down?

    Example: When I lost my job & my savings drained away quickly, my mom didn't say "Orangeappled, you shouldn't feel bad because everyone is losing their job right now. You just need to start looking for another job and keep a positive attitude." A lot of people would say that....however, my mom knows me. So instead, my mom said, "Orangeappled, in the long run, it's only money, and money and credit can always be re-earned. You have your family to support you, and you will find another job eventually because you are smart and talented." That put things into perspective & gave me encouragement without telling me my feelings were wrong or telling me to do the obvious.

    I agree that placating is not productive. I really dislike coddling people. It doesn't do them any good in the long run. So if someone's mentality is skewed, then agreeing with it is not really being supportive. Admittedly, INFPs are just very delicate and just have to be handled with care.


    I'm not trying to dog anyone, this is actually a question for me that I would like to understand. Your response has helped somewhat. I had a (non-infp) friend and I used to ask their opinion. They would give me it but oftentimes I would do the opposite. It drove them INSANE. I just wanted their opinion, not for them to make the choice. They couldn't understand that I just wanted more data, so I had to eventually stop asking them for their opinion because it became a big argument.
    That's how INFPs can be also. We're also sensitive to wording, and phrasing can go a long way. Direction can make us get rebellious and defensive, but leading questions and subtle suggestions (maybe through relating a similar problem you solved for yourself) prompt us to think & get there on our own.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

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