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  1. #31
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    ^Well no...doing nothing isn't better than what saxman said - if you want to do something, I'd suggest giving what his post said a try.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    And strangely, for me it doesn't feel that way. Maybe it's a feeling of an intention behind it - that it's not meant as an insult - just a call to stand up and fight for yourself. Lack of understanding is pretended here - it's a mean not an essence. Besides, I have noticed that sometimes I change my mind about helplessness of the situation once I have energy from anger.

    Obviously INFPs differ within the group as well.
    Clearly.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    ^Well no...doing nothing isn't better than what saxman said - if you want to do something, I'd suggest giving what his post said a try.
    OK that sounds like a plan.

    Quote Originally Posted by saxman View Post
    .

    Now this is the important part. Once they start talking, just listen. Be attentive and supportive. Ask clarifying questions. Don't judge or try to offer quick fixes. Afterwards, you might think you have done nothing, and you certainly haven't fixed the problem, but the person will feel better. If it doesn't seem that way at first, then they are probably still emotional from talking about it and just need some time to relax. But the fact that someone cared enough to acknowledge their pain will mean a lot to them.

    If you have done a good job listening, you will probably understand why the quick fixes you initially wanted to offer are probably not very helpful. For example, if they are having health issues, saying "you should go see a doctor" is probably a dumb thing to say and is kind of insulting to them, and if you listen for a while, you probably will find out how extensively they have tried to find a cure. But after listening to them and giving them a chance to calm down, you might know of a specific person that is good with this issue, in which case you can offer things like this as suggestions.
    Wow, great advice! Thank you very much. I have been guilty with the offering up of solutions...Fe just really wants/likes to fix things. Gotta watch that, haha.

  3. #33
    Junior Member saxman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    Wow, great advice! Thank you very much. I have been guilty with the offering up of solutions...Fe just really wants/likes to fix things. Gotta watch that, haha.
    Yeah, I've been guilty of that myself.

  4. #34
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by saxman View Post
    Usually when an INFP is down, they are down because of a specific aspect of their life. An INFP isn't going to get down by something that is easily fixed, like there is no milk in the refrigerator. INFPs hide their discouragement (although they may offer hints that they are discouraged in a casual manner) while they try to figure that specific aspect out. By the time everyone else notices that they are down, they have been down for quite some time and have spent a lot of time thinking about and trying to resolve whatever is bothering them.

    It's natural for people to want fix whatever is bothering them. This usually just frustrates the INFP because they've spent so much time thinking about all the possibilities, and whatever fix is being suggested has already been considered or tried. Sometimes there is no quick fix for things like getting a job in a bad economy, having health issues, trying to find a significant other, money issues, relationship problems, a death of someone close, etc… Often the person trying to fix the INFPs problem will just get frustrated because "they aren't cooperating" by being fixed, and then the INFP gets frustrated because now they have to make that person feel better (since the natural tendency of an INFP is to be there for others). It causes the INFP to feel even more isolated as they withdraw more, because in addition to the aspect that they are frustrated with, they now feel nobody understands how they feel.

    So how to help an INFP feel better.

    An INFP strong point is being a good listener. I often joke that I've had bartenders tell me their problems. But sometimes an INFP needs what they give. Since this is often isn't a natural ability for others, the best thing is to just try to mimic the behavior.

    First, never underestimate the power of listening. For such a passive thing, it takes an amazing amount of patience. Expect that they won't initially allow themselves to talk about their problems. Don't bully them into talking about it. They probably feel embarrassed or stupid for being down in the first place. Just treat it as an exchange. Ask small questions. Consider less about the response and more about if they are responding. If they aren't yet ready to respond, then just give some more time. Don't show frustration. Don't leave the conversation. Don't start discussing a big topic which will be hard to change. The person probably wants to talk but is unsure at this point. I've had people say "I don't want to talk about this", and I say ok, and then talk about small unrelated things, and soon after I'll get a rush of discussion from them about what they said they didn't want to talk about. It's just a matter of making them feel comfortable.

    Now this is the important part. Once they start talking, just listen. Be attentive and supportive. Ask clarifying questions. Don't judge or try to offer quick fixes. Afterwards, you might think you have done nothing, and you certainly haven't fixed the problem, but the person will feel better. If it doesn't seem that way at first, then they are probably still emotional from talking about it and just need some time to relax. But the fact that someone cared enough to acknowledge their pain will mean a lot to them.

    If you have done a good job listening, you will probably understand why the quick fixes you initially wanted to offer are probably not very helpful. For example, if they are having health issues, saying "you should go see a doctor" is probably a dumb thing to say and is kind of insulting to them, and if you listen for a while, you probably will find out how extensively they have tried to find a cure. But after listening to them and giving them a chance to calm down, you might know of a specific person that is good with this issue, in which case you can offer things like this as suggestions.

    Perfect


    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    I really don't think that would work on me at all. I'd get further depressed that someone can't understand me. Acting like my problem isn't a problem is insulting, because it's saying that I don't know how to discern whether something is a legitimate problem or not. Obviously, it is a problem otherwise it wouldn't consume me with sadness.

    I'd say the way to make us feel better is by giving us some solutions. And if you're romantically involved with us, then a hug or kiss would do wonders too.
    Yes. I am also pretty quick to catch onto emotional manipulation, which neither cheers me up nor charms me. It's degrading, which is the worst approach you can take with an INFP for anything.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #35
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    The best that anyone ever did for me was a temporary distraction. Then they pointed out that I was acting happy, thereby reminding me that I had been acting depressed... which reminded me of the very real, very difficult issues that I was facing, and brought me crashing right back down.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  6. #36
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    COOKIES.

  7. #37
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    If I'm just in general feeling blah, remind me that the grass isn't always greener on the other side because more than likely I'm probably stuck in thinking that it is.
    4w3 sx/sp? INFP, INFp

  8. #38
    Junior Member saxman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phthalocyanine View Post
    COOKIES.
    Cookies and loud music.

  9. #39
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I think a good way to cheer up an INFP is to show up unannounced on their doorstep with another couple of mutual friends and abduct them for the day/night to do something fun you know they'll enjoy. INFPs are suckers for spontaneity with friends. Not too high-energy, unless you have reason to think they would especially enjoy it. But don't leave it up to them to decide what to do, since they probably won't want to do anything off their own bat if they're down. They would probably just end up picking something convenient and not sufficiently clear of their current head-space.

    It won't solve their problems but it will give them a break from their head for a while and remind them they still have friends who care about them and enjoy hanging out with them. The social aspect is the key.

    Edit: this probably shouldn't be a regular thing though. INFPs need a fair bit of space.



    Some days I really feel the lack of a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Today is one of those days.

  10. #40
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Just lie a lot. That really does the trick for me.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

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