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  1. #21
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ragingkatsuki View Post
    Ah yes, the high chance of failure is perhaps the only drawback. I'd suggest someone do it with subtlety.
    Risky - I like it.

    My favourite ENTJ does something designed like that and it seems to work.

    How do u do it?

    1) When INFP is sad and tells u about their problem, be very interested, but pretend that u don't see where the problem is.

    2) INFP will get all flustered and angry trying to convince u about the danger and gravity of the situation.

    3) When they are more angry than sad - shout "Ha ha you are not sad anymore - good." And then prove that u understand the situation by summing it up.

    4) That way INFP feels that somebody understands their situation, but doesn't have that heavy sad feeling about it and has energy from their anger.

    It works wonders for me - things don't seem to be so desperate after that.

    Still handle with caution - red trail for experts.

    Still 2 - none of the experts was born one - u need to practice.
    Hot-hearted head

  2. #22
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Oof. INFJs are so much easier

    I usually just let my INFP do her emotional thing.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sizzling Berry View Post
    Risky - I like it.

    My favourite ENTJ does something designed like that and it seems to work.

    How do u do it?

    1) When INFP is sad and tells u about their problem, be very interested, but pretend that u don't see where the problem is.

    2) INFP will get all flustered and angry trying to convince u about the danger and gravity of the situation.

    3) When they are more angry than sad - shout "Ha ha you are not sad anymore - good." And then prove that u understand the situation by summing it up.

    4) That way INFP feels that somebody understands their situation, but doesn't have that heavy sad feeling about it and has energy from their anger.

    It works wonders for me - things don't seem to be so desperate after that.

    Still handle with caution - red trail for experts.

    Still 2 - none of the experts was born one - u need to practice.
    I really don't think that would work on me at all. I'd get further depressed that someone can't understand me. Acting like my problem isn't a problem is insulting, because it's saying that I don't know how to discern whether something is a legitimate problem or not. Obviously, it is a problem otherwise it wouldn't consume me with sadness.

    I'd say the way to make us feel better is by giving us some solutions. And if you're romantically involved with us, then a hug or kiss would do wonders too.

  4. #24
    Junior Member saxman's Avatar
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    Usually when an INFP is down, they are down because of a specific aspect of their life. An INFP isn't going to get down by something that is easily fixed, like there is no milk in the refrigerator. INFPs hide their discouragement (although they may offer hints that they are discouraged in a casual manner) while they try to figure that specific aspect out. By the time everyone else notices that they are down, they have been down for quite some time and have spent a lot of time thinking about and trying to resolve whatever is bothering them.

    It's natural for people to want fix whatever is bothering them. This usually just frustrates the INFP because they've spent so much time thinking about all the possibilities, and whatever fix is being suggested has already been considered or tried. Sometimes there is no quick fix for things like getting a job in a bad economy, having health issues, trying to find a significant other, money issues, relationship problems, a death of someone close, etc… Often the person trying to fix the INFPs problem will just get frustrated because "they aren't cooperating" by being fixed, and then the INFP gets frustrated because now they have to make that person feel better (since the natural tendency of an INFP is to be there for others). It causes the INFP to feel even more isolated as they withdraw more, because in addition to the aspect that they are frustrated with, they now feel nobody understands how they feel.

    So how to help an INFP feel better.

    An INFP strong point is being a good listener. I often joke that I've had bartenders tell me their problems. But sometimes an INFP needs what they give. Since this is often isn't a natural ability for others, the best thing is to just try to mimic the behavior.

    First, never underestimate the power of listening. For such a passive thing, it takes an amazing amount of patience. Expect that they won't initially allow themselves to talk about their problems. Don't bully them into talking about it. They probably feel embarrassed or stupid for being down in the first place. Just treat it as an exchange. Ask small questions. Consider less about the response and more about if they are responding. If they aren't yet ready to respond, then just give some more time. Don't show frustration. Don't leave the conversation. Don't start discussing a big topic which will be hard to change. The person probably wants to talk but is unsure at this point. I've had people say "I don't want to talk about this", and I say ok, and then talk about small unrelated things, and soon after I'll get a rush of discussion from them about what they said they didn't want to talk about. It's just a matter of making them feel comfortable.

    Now this is the important part. Once they start talking, just listen. Be attentive and supportive. Ask clarifying questions. Don't judge or try to offer quick fixes. Afterwards, you might think you have done nothing, and you certainly haven't fixed the problem, but the person will feel better. If it doesn't seem that way at first, then they are probably still emotional from talking about it and just need some time to relax. But the fact that someone cared enough to acknowledge their pain will mean a lot to them.

    If you have done a good job listening, you will probably understand why the quick fixes you initially wanted to offer are probably not very helpful. For example, if they are having health issues, saying "you should go see a doctor" is probably a dumb thing to say and is kind of insulting to them, and if you listen for a while, you probably will find out how extensively they have tried to find a cure. But after listening to them and giving them a chance to calm down, you might know of a specific person that is good with this issue, in which case you can offer things like this as suggestions.

  5. #25
    Senior Member Sizzling Berry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost verses View Post
    Acting like my problem isn't a problem is insulting, because it's saying that I don't know how to discern whether something is a legitimate problem or not. Obviously, it is a problem otherwise it wouldn't consume me with sadness.
    And strangely, for me it doesn't feel that way. Maybe it's a feeling of an intention behind it - that it's not meant as an insult - just a call to stand up and fight for yourself. Lack of understanding is pretended here - it's a mean not an essence. Besides, I have noticed that sometimes I change my mind about helplessness of the situation once I have energy from anger.

    Obviously INFPs differ within the group as well.
    Hot-hearted head

  6. #26
    Glycerine
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    It just feels really weird/sad when you can tell someone has been down for the last few weeks but you can't really do much about it. They keep saying that they are just tired but you can see that they are faking it or that something is really off. I am extremely sensitive to emotional energy.

  7. #27
    Senior Member Gewitter27's Avatar
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    My strong four wing is an INFP, and I'm not very good at cheering him up myself.
    I 96% N 93% T 75% P 63% 5w4 sp/sx/so ILI
    Ti>Ne>Te>Ni>Si>Fi>Se>Fe
    I'm interested in what you percieve me to be. Johari/Nohari

  8. #28
    Glycerine
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    I think one is 2w1 and the others are 4w5.

  9. #29
    #005645 phthalocyanine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I consider the idea of cheering someone up insulting and invalidating. I am willing to be a sounding board, and if wanted, a distraction, but actively trying to change someone's mood . . . meh.

    I'm interested to hear what others think about the concept, though.
    i agree that it's sort of self-righteously condescending to try to cheer a person up. i was going to post something along these lines. most INFPs would probably rather be indulged or distracted anyway.

    the one suggestion i can make that would be part indulgence and part distraction? cookies. it's pretty reliable, too.

    a sad INFP needs cookies.

  10. #30
    Glycerine
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    So pretty much leave them alone? I usually don't do much to cheer them up but I felt that it was selfish for me to not try something to make them feel better since I care. That might be selfish on my part... oops. Also, they usually try to make me feel better so it would only be fitting to show my concern when they are down.

    EDIT: my current strategy is to make jokes.

    INFP: I have been feeling crazy
    Me: aww... the school blues?
    INFP: no, the life blues.
    Me: Let's add a harmonica, trumpet, and sax to the mix.

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