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  1. #1
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Default NF's: life in your 30's cf your 20's

    As I prepare to embark upon the next decade of my life, my naturally contemplative INFP self starts to wonder "Hmmm, I wonder, how does life in one's 30s tend to compare to life in one 20's for NF's???"

    More focused? For those who aren't there already marriage and family? More realistic expectations of yourself and of others? You start thinking of "young whippersnappers" :steam: as being twenty-somethings instead of teenagers? :steam:

    I'm sure life in your 30's vs 20's has some common similarities regardless of type, so other types feel free to join in too I guess, but I'm particularly curious out things play out for us NF idealists...

    Alright, wisdom away!

  2. #2
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    The wise +30 year old answer

    I got through pretty rought crises when I turned 30. It made me get to know myself better. It made me appreciate myself how I am. It made me realize things about myself. This would have happened even without me being married already that time and even if I already had 2 kids.

    I find that being 30 is now about finding my purpose. Checking if I'm on the right track. I don't know yet if I find it and will I ever find it. But I'm on the road searching and I like when I'm moving towards something without knowing what it is. Even if not knowing also bothers me a lot.

    So, for me, the crises of the thirties made me find myself and approve myself as I am. Now in the thirties, I'm looking for my purpose. Maybe in my forties I'll appreciate life as it is and stop looking for the answer. Then I can focus on something else, maybe. Then I can have another crises, I guess.

  3. #3
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Did you know that adolescents typically have worse judgment than pre-pubescents? The onset of puberty (and needing to learn a whole new set of social rules) causes the brain to revert to a childish state of flourishing tangles of experimental neural pathways. Once the individual masters the rules of adult society well enough, then the brainstatic ends and unnecessary pathways are pruned.

    For me, I can tell from a subjective, qualitative sense that my brain's adolescence took until I was 29. So, the major difference in my 30s has been mastering the subtleties of social interaction, since I was still working on the basics until then.

    You know how the hippies distrusted anyone over thirty? It's true, we really are The Man. Everything you think and do, changes you; so if you want to learn how to manage your relationships better, then you can find a way to do so.

    ETA: But I strongly suggest getting your life as closely aligned to your values as possible before your thirty-year crisis, so that you don't end up moving to a new city without a job or a place to stay like I did. It's only fun until the financial and emotional trauma of running out of money and having to land on your social safety net (if you have one).
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  4. #4
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    I remember when I was in mid 20's and TAing and had "non-traditional" students, and I'd ask them and I think I always got answers like "you become more jaded, bitter, and cynical." I'm hoping NF's have more positives to add to the list than just that comment I kept hearing from my in their 30's or 40's students...
    Likes lulabelle liked this post

  5. #5
    Senior Member alcea rosea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I remember when I was in mid 20's and TAing and had "non-traditional" students, and I'd ask them and I think I always got answers like "you become more jaded, bitter, and cynical." I'm hoping NF's have more positives to add to the list than just that comment I kept hearing from my in their 30's or 40's students...
    I wouldn't think that NF's get bitter, jaded and cynical. That could happen but I don't think it's always like that with everybody. At least I have kept my child like enthusiasm about things, and the liveliness. I would like to say that more old you get, the more wise you'll get (I hope at least).

  6. #6
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    I've actually gotten more calm, confident and optimistic. Part of it is a prescription stimulating anti-depressant and part is a great deal of self-work, including Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  7. #7
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alcea rosea View Post
    I wouldn't think that NF's get bitter, jaded and cynical. That could happen but I don't think it's always like that with everybody. At least I have kept my child like enthusiasm about things, and the liveliness. I would like to say that more old you get, the more wise you'll get (I hope at least).
    Quote Originally Posted by SciVo View Post
    I've actually gotten more calm, confident and optimistic. Part of it is a prescription stimulating anti-depressant and part is a great deal of self-work, including Learned Optimism and Authentic Happiness by Martin Seligman.
    These students were NOT NF's. NT and ST come to mind. I don't recall having had many NF students in the physics classes I TA'ed, go figure

    I'm looking fwd to feeling more "settled" and "established". Of course being a military brat and having moved a bunchy probably contributes there
    And, as peacebaby can attest, babies have been on my mind a lot of late. That stopped for a bout a week, until tonight when it came back full bore...

    Ok, keep the wisdom coming people, what do I have to look forward to [or not]???

  8. #8
    Senior Member SurlyAdam's Avatar
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    I've felt very comfortable in my own skin, more and more, as I came into my 30s. As a teen, I felt awkward. Through my 20s, I was trying to figure out who I was. I now know who I am and have the confidence to be myself without much concern about judgments or conformity. I think I really began to come into my own a few years ago. I'm now 34 and nothing really phases me. I know very well who I am and what the world is like.

    I actually am often "bitter, jaded, and cynical." But only where it comes to depending on and placing faith in others. I'm probably more curious and enthusiastic about life than I was as a child, but I also have the wisdom to know that most people are not worth letting in. There are some lessons I wish I didn't have to learn first hand, but personal experience is very enlightening. I'm looking forward to my future years.

  9. #9
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I became more confident and relaxed at thirty and wished I'd done it years before!

    The cynicism and jadedness has been going on since college.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  10. #10
    The Dark Lord The Wailing Specter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    These students were NOT NF's. NT and ST come to mind. I don't recall having had many NF students in the physics classes I TA'ed, go figure

    I'm looking fwd to feeling more "settled" and "established". Of course being a military brat and having moved a bunchy probably contributes there
    And, as peacebaby can attest, babies have been on my mind a lot of late. That stopped for a bout a week, until tonight when it came back full bore...

    Ok, keep the wisdom coming people, what do I have to look forward to [or not]???
    I feel a bit NT-ish around other NF people if that says anything.
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    I say this as a reminder to myself, but this goes for everyone:

    You can achieve anything you set your mind to, and you are limited only by how dedicated you are to succeed!

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