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  1. #51
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Makes sense...I have this mostly when I'm at work. So lately, I've been going into work, consciously aware of the fact that I *will* be interrupted and I cannot get annoyed at hte fact that I dunno how long their intermezzo will keep me from my work and therefore I might not finish it. When my collegues do come and bug me, I try to switch over to Fe....and back again when I'm alone. Kinda exhausting, but it keeps that trigger from going off. As you said, it's the worst when it's unexpected.

    I have one collegue who..helps me out but sometimes to do so she needs my computer. And she has a tendency to steal the thing when I'm two seconds away from my desk when I least expect it. And I *know* she's helping me, but the fact that she took over my desk makes me stand around and get worked up coz I cannot do anything without that computer. Worse even when they use my phone coz they happen to be at my desk when they remember to make a call, and they literally block my workspace so I cannot continue

    Anycase, sorry for the derail, back to the fascinating OP!


    How about telling them ahead of time where your limits are? When you're in Te mode, there's only so much you could do to avoid snapping back, because the attention is fixed on getting things done.

    Then any frustration should be justified.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  2. #52
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    And thanks for saving everyone else's time and energy!
    They'd probably think we're self-righteous pricks with a permanent stick up our arse.

    You know, typical feedback.
    The worst part is, I'm not the least bit bothered by being called a self righteous prick, or arrogant jerk or icy bitch or any of the following:
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Trust me, what they think about Te isn't much better. It can easily make people think, "Wow, what a condescending, arrogant person! They think that calm aura and unruffled choice of words hides their lack of humility? It's so obvious they think they're above this situation. They should just leave us alone if they feel that way, let people who care handle it. Who do they think they are, shoving their nose into something they don't really care about in the first place? No one asked them to step in and handle things, they should just mind their own business if that's how they feel."

    I do have to admit that when I encounter TJs in a group, this is often how I feel towards them (though I'd never say it).
    I can't say I blame you. We're pretty insufferable from what I understand.
    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Really? What do you find easier about getting along with men?
    I'm far less likely to accidentally offend them with my callousness. Also behaviors that I find irritating, like gushing and simpering and generally making a big deal out of everything, are generally not seen in men.
    Quote Originally Posted by nonsequitur View Post
    I'd say that things like holding the door open for others (I'm female, so it's not "expected" of me) and offering to buy coffee are things that I do not to be "nice", but because it would be gracious and comes in line with my belief that I should do what I can do. But I justify it saying that "it's along the way, and it would be more efficient".

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    You seem to really consider this a default mode. How do you experience it? I personally hate feeling like that and would do anything to avoid it, which..basically means not using Te or disengaging it when talking to people. But how do you handle this, since Te is more present than Fi?
    Oh goodness. How do I use Te (Let me count the ways...)? To me Te feels like moving things along, getting things done (and boy do I love getting things done), pushing forward, progress, clarity. And yes, as my extroverted function it's very present and it's generally the way that I deal with the world Common side effects of Te: Being impatient with slow moving conversations/activities and having the desire to maim those people who try and trap you in such conversations/activities. High blood pressure. Giving up sleeping in favor of cleaning the entire house. I have to make a conscious effort to calm down and relax in situations where my Te is being stifled. Usually I just walk myself through things ("Ok, it's necessary to go over X rules or Y background information...in the mean time, there's a spider up there in the corner...oooh how interesting...)
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  3. #53
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Trust me, they already know..I tend to have things like that written on my face, it's not like I could hide it. And the thing that my collegue helps me out with, I now took away from her and do myself (I'm fairly new at the firm), so she has no reason to steal my pc anymore..but she very much knew I was annoyed whenever she did that and tried to do it as fast as possible

    I also have the same response to unexpected difficulties when in Te mode..'This is not the way this is supposed to go!!!'

    And somehow, my own INTJ just sighs, adjusts and conquers the obstacle calmly, while I just get worked up as it puts me behind schedule for god only knows how long and stresses me that I won't get my day's schedule done that day. I so hate using Te sometimes!
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  4. #54
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Trust me, they already know..I tend to have things like that written on my face, it's not like I could hide it. And the thing that my collegue helps me out with, I now took away from her and do myself (I'm fairly new at the firm), so she has no reason to steal my pc anymore..but she very much knew I was annoyed whenever she did that and tried to do it as fast as possible

    I also have the same response to unexpected difficulties when in Te mode..'This is not the way this is supposed to go!!!'

    And somehow, my own INTJ just sighs, adjusts and conquers the obstacle calmly, while I just get worked up as it puts me behind schedule and stresses me that I won't get my day's schedule done that day. I so hate using Te sometimes!
    If they knew, then the unexpected anger should be the last of my priorities.

    Could you set up times where your colleagues could contact you? Or instead of interrupting you, they could drop something off at the door?

    The best way to get a handle on Te is to include your Fi and other unexpected difficulties in it. Once everything's incorporated, your extroverted thinking side is free to barge right through the tasks unrestrained. Anything standing outside of the Te will unfortunately be crushed into smithereens. It's not exactly the 'peace-making' function.

    That's how your INTJ "sighs, adjusts and conquers the obstacle calmly".

    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    The worst part is, I'm not the least bit bothered by being called a self righteous prick, or arrogant jerk or icy bitch or any of the following
    For the worst part, it can damage personal relationships. For the best part, someone needs to get the job done without being sidetracked by a little criticism.

    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    Common side effects of Te: Being impatient with slow moving conversations/activities and having the desire to maim those people who try and trap you in such conversations/activities. High blood pressure. Giving up sleeping in favor of cleaning the entire house.
    All true.

    If I compare my Te to Ni, the Ni's a complete space-cadet.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
    SLOAN: rCoa|I|
    Functional Preferences: Ni, Te/Fi, Ti, Se, Fe, Si, Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  5. #55
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poppy View Post
    The worst part is, I'm not the least bit bothered by being called a self righteous prick, or arrogant jerk or icy bitch or any of the following:

    I can't say I blame you. We're pretty insufferable from what I understand.
    People like you almost make me want to say, "What does it take to get a reaction out of you, anyway? Do I have to threaten or harm you?! How am I supposed to get you to feel what I'm feeling? This is frustrating."

    It's like that same sense of futility I get from getting mad at my computer. No matter how frustrated I get with it, it just sits there apathetically and continues processing things in the same way that angered me in the first place (renewing my frustration), unless I calm down and deal with it in a logical way. TJs aren't quite THAT bad, but there are definitely some parallels.

    Yet I find myself intrigued enough by both TJs and computers that I keep on trying to understand them.
    I'm far less likely to accidentally offend them with my callousness. Also behaviors that I find irritating, like gushing and simpering and generally making a big deal out of everything, are generally not seen in men.
    Wow. Women do all that? I think maybe that's just where you live... I've never seen them do that. It seems like a lot of men see them doing that, too, though... hmm.

  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    People like you almost make me want to say, "What does it take to get a reaction out of you, anyway? Do I have to threaten or harm you?! How am I supposed to get you to feel what I'm feeling? This is frustrating."

    It's like that same sense of futility I get from getting mad at my computer. No matter how frustrated I get with it, it just sits there apathetically and continues processing things in the same way that angered me in the first place (renewing my frustration), unless I calm down and deal with it in a logical way. TJs aren't quite THAT bad, but there are definitely some parallels.
    No, threatening harm wouldn't get much of a reaction. But attack people we care about, and that's a different story. Or attacking our competence. It's ok to be called an arrogant bitch as long as things get done and the project runs smoothly. That, after all, is the priority. Sabotaging a project will definitely get a reaction too.

  7. #57
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonsequitur View Post
    No, threatening harm wouldn't get much of a reaction. But attack people we care about, and that's a different story. Or attacking our competence. It's ok to be called an arrogant bitch as long as things get done and the project runs smoothly. That, after all, is the priority. Sabotaging a project will definitely get a reaction too.
    Sigh. I'd be tempted to sabotage the project, but I usually want it done as much as you do if I'm bothering to be involved at all, which means I'd probably swallow it. And chances are that I wouldn't be in a position to attack your competence.

    This is why I hate TJs so much. They're not flawed in enough ways that I can attack them without seeming unreasonable, so I'm forced to tolerate their behavior until they make a mistake... which can take a while.

    Of course, it's not a problem if they don't happen to do anything that gets on my nerves, though... and sometimes I'm lucky enough that they don't strike any nerves that day.

  8. #58
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    Quote Originally Posted by Athenian200 View Post
    Sigh. I'd be tempted to sabotage the project, but I usually want it done as much as you do if I'm bothering to be involved at all, which means I'd probably swallow it. And chances are that I wouldn't be in a position to attack your competence.

    This is why I hate TJs so much. They're not flawed in enough ways that I can attack them without seeming unreasonable, so I'm forced to tolerate their behavior until they make a mistake... which can take a while.
    Just curious. Are you more bothered by the fact that we don't really care what others think of us? Or specifically by what we say?

    I don't understand why someone would even think about sabotaging a project, or attacking people who are getting things done, or watch for someone's mistakes. It seems so counter-productive and such a waste of energy.

  9. #59
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nonsequitur View Post
    Just curious. Are you more bothered by the fact that we don't really care what others think of us? Or specifically by what we say?
    Well, to some extent. But only when I'm frustrated. If you don't frustrate me, I probably won't care that you don't care what others think of you. It really creates communication problems if you frustrate me and I can't make you feel anything about it, though.
    I don't understand why someone would even think about sabotaging a project, or attacking people who are getting things done, or watch for someone's mistakes. It seems so counter-productive and such a waste of energy.
    You're right... that's why I prefer to work with people who I'm compatible with, rather than ones who make me want to act that way. But ultimately, I probably wouldn't actually do that even if tempted unless I didn't care about the project anyway, and in that case I'd probably just not be involved.

  10. #60
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    If they knew, then the unexpected anger should be the last of my priorities.

    Could you set up times where your colleagues could contact you? Or instead of interrupting you, they could drop something off at the door?

    The best way to get a handle on Te is to include your Fi and other unexpected difficulties in it. Once everything's incorporated, your extroverted thinking side is free to barge right through the tasks unrestrained. Anything standing outside of the Te will unfortunately be crushed into smithereens. It's not exactly the 'peace-making' function.

    That's how your INTJ "sighs, adjusts and conquers the obstacle calmly".
    No, my work is to welcome clients and help out the consultants. When none of them need me, then I have a serious amount of administration to get through. So they come first. They're right to disturb me in my work, as it *is* my job first and foremost to organize their schedules and make their day run smoothly. Just annoying when I'm completely focussed on a task and I get interrupted 4 times in 15 minutes. Hence I go for Fe now and switch from Te to Fe when they come in, even before they've asked my attention. (I do a job designed for an ESFJ *sigh*)


    How do you combine Te and Fi though? Fi demands for time to appreciate things as they are whereas Te just wants to get it done already. Especially if it's a task that I don't exactly enjoy, I can totally hate everything that prolongs it. And the same happens if there is in fact a deadline. I can combine the two fine when Fi is allowed to lead and there is no deadline though.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





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