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[ENFP] Question for ENFP's and initial attraction

thescientist

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2009
Messages
254
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
I find myself being excessively extroverted (at least for an INTJ) in a lot of social situations. I guess I've conditioned myself to do so, since it's what's usually socially expected. Sometimes it's exhausting, sometimes it can be fun. Depending on who I'm socializing with. SO....

Lets say an ENFP was around, and I was not acting like my typical reserved and aloof INTJ self, and was extroverting way more than usual in a very non-INTJ manner, would he notice me at all? Are ENFP's usually drawn to less extroverted types? Will they be drawn to that quiet and mysterious person, rather than the one socializing and chatting it up with the crowds?

Sometimes I feel like I act sort of ENFP-ish and can be really silly in social situations...maybe because ENFP's have all the social qualities that I desire.

I think if it wasn't for work, I would have never met this male ENFP that I know now. I'm very much an INTJ at work...very quiet and private, and super concentrated on work at all times. I never even noticed he existed and he sat in the same row! Somehow he noticed me and persisted in getting to know me.

I guess I just wonder if I'm hurting my chances of being approached by ENFP's by appearing to be a type that I'm not. I'm just learning how much I'm drawn to this type and would love to meet more.

Damn you ENFP's :wubbie:
 

alcea rosea

New member
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
3,658
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
My attention to a person has nothing to do with extroversion or introversion of a person. I don't know about other ENFP's or male ENFP's.

I think you should be as you are with ENFP's. I think most ENFP's find it important to be true to yourself as you are. :yes:
 

lamp

New member
Joined
Jul 8, 2009
Messages
528
^^^yeah, act how you want. You will probably still end up making INTJ-style quips and comments :devil:

quieter people are usually harder to observe/approach
I can be miserable in casual social situations. bedtime . . . too tired to manage my post
 

sculpting

New member
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
4,148
I find myself being excessively extroverted (at least for an INTJ) in a lot of social situations. I guess I've conditioned myself to do so, since it's what's usually socially expected. Sometimes it's exhausting, sometimes it can be fun. Depending on who I'm socializing with. SO....

Lets say an ENFP was around, and I was not acting like my typical reserved and aloof INTJ self, and was extroverting way more than usual in a very non-INTJ manner, would he notice me at all? Are ENFP's usually drawn to less extroverted types? Will they be drawn to that quiet and mysterious person, rather than the one socializing and chatting it up with the crowds?

Sometimes I feel like I act sort of ENFP-ish and can be really silly in social situations...maybe because ENFP's have all the social qualities that I desire.

I think if it wasn't for work, I would have never met this male ENFP that I know now. I'm very much an INTJ at work...very quiet and private, and super concentrated on work at all times. I never even noticed he existed and he sat in the same row! Somehow he noticed me and persisted in getting to know me.

I guess I just wonder if I'm hurting my chances of being approached by ENFP's by appearing to be a type that I'm not. I'm just learning how much I'm drawn to this type and would love to meet more.

Damn you ENFP's :wubbie:


I think it less introversion/extroversion. I almost cant see INFPs for instance-I think it is lack of eye contact.

I rarely miss noticing an INTJ. They tend to feel very solid and be noticable, not so much becuase of thier actions or words, but the Te eye contact, the somewhat dominant observing look they tend to wear,

I find I often become ultra silly in an attempt to bring thier tert Fi to the surface. I try and make them laugh so pay attention to see if this guy is doing something like that.

Also notice when you make eye contact with him. Lately with all of my IXTJs what I have seen is an "understanding" of sorts. When I look at them and smile, there is no confusion that I am flirting, no feelings of discomfort due to Fe-Fi miscommunication.

They just "understand" what I am trying to say-even if I say nothing. It is really nice.
 

BerberElla

12 and a half weeks
Joined
Sep 25, 2008
Messages
2,725
MBTI Type
infp
For some reason I always find myself more drawn to the quieter one in a crowd, I want to draw them out, learn more about them, find out what they are brooding about so sexily in that corner all by themselves.

I make a beeline towards the quiet ones, happens all the time.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
agreed on the post above and the one before that.

Also, I love it when an INTJ is all serious one moment and focussed and can actually let go and be goofy as well at other times. I notice people because they draw my attention by doing something, saying something or by carrying their body somehow that intrigues me. E or I, doesn't really matter at that point. If at some point you're going to flash Te and Fi at me, I'll notice you. For sure :devil:

I love both ENTJs and INTJs. I consider ENTJs an immediate challenge to see what they're capable of and how they respond to chaos and a disruption in their plans.

INTJs I love the challenge of prodding them till they leave their shell, by like doing something highly illogical or ridiculous and pretending I didn't see them coming closer to check out what on earth I'm up to.

To get that stare of confusion and irritation to go to complete bewilderment is my goal in both NTJ-breeds :devil:

I know, I'm evil :sorry:
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
I find it hard to imagine an INTJ acting like an ENFP. I was looking over old letters and found a letter from an INTJ telling me that it was tiring always trying to be off-beat humorous and interesting around me.
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Are ENFP's usually drawn to less extroverted types? Will they be drawn to that quiet and mysterious person, rather than the one socializing and chatting it up with the crowds?

I don't know about other ENFPs, but I'm usually drawn to the quiet and mysterious person.

I'm drawn equally to Intraverts and Extraverts for friendship and comraderie, but I prefer Introversion in a significant other.

I guess I just wonder if I'm hurting my chances of being approached by ENFP's by appearing to be a type that I'm not. I'm just learning how much I'm drawn to this type and would love to meet more.

Yeah, you can't fail when you're being yourself.

Eventually, you'll get what you need, even if it means being patient.
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
Joined
Jan 3, 2009
Messages
6,072
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
I don't know about other ENFPs, but I'm usually drawn to the quiet and mysterious person.

Agreed. Although I don't like the "mysterious" word, introverts are more just the type of person I respond to.
 

Kra

Black Magic Buzzard
Joined
Jun 24, 2009
Messages
912
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
4w5
A girl I used to date told me that my aloofness was my most irresistible quality. I honestly think that we INTJs are best off sticking to what we know. :D

Don't let the type dictate your behavior though, behave how you want. It will be better in the end because of it.:newwink:
 

Wonkavision

Retired Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2009
Messages
1,154
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
Agreed. Although I don't like the "mysterious" word, introverts are more just the type of person I respond to.

Yeah, that's true.

Not all introverts are mysterious, but those are the ones I'm drawn to.


My wife (INFP) is still somewhat mysterious to me, and we've been married for 6 years.

She has a lot of depth, and she prefers to reveal it slowly, and in little bits and pieces.

I don't feel the need to draw her out, because she comes out when she's comfortable.

This keeps me interested, and feeling like our relationship's always new.


Her mysteriousness is one of the things that attracts me to her the most. :)
 

Queen Kat

The Duchess of Oddity
Joined
Apr 3, 2009
Messages
3,053
MBTI Type
E.T.
Enneagram
7w8
I prefer introverted people, as long as they're not acting whiny about it. Extroverted people are usually not interesting to me. Some of them seem so empty on the inside.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
I've always been easily attracted to extroverts and introverts alike. I like the mystery of some introverts, but I also like the gregarious nature of some extroverts. ENFPs can sometimes be "mysterious" as well. A lot of us are shy or quiet upon meeting new people.

ENFPs generally just love people, and want to connect. If you are genuine, and willing to open up, then you've got a good chance.
 

Wild horses

New member
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Oct 25, 2008
Messages
1,916
MBTI Type
ENFP
I have to say that I usually tend to gravitate towards the intraverts, romantically anyways. However, authenticity is my true passion so it is important to be yourself which isnt some Briggs type, it's a real rounded person who is confident in just being herself... now that kind of confidence is hot!! :wubbie:
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
yeah...i'm usually drawn to the quiet mysterious person with intense eyes....i mean...that's who i notice first...but as far as dating...i just like interesting people and don't have an e/i preference.

but i agree with the others who said just be authentic. we can tell...don't worry about trying to extrovert to be noticed...you will anyway.
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
OK, I've got a question *raises hand* So you've got this quiet, mysterious person. How does the person turn it up to get noticed? Look at me! I'm quiet and mysterious...
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
You hold people's gaze, let them notice that you're actually throwing admiring looks their way.. add a faint smile and walk away..all mysteriously :D
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
OK, I've got a question *raises hand* So you've got this quiet, mysterious person. How does the person turn it up to get noticed? Look at me! I'm quiet and mysterious...

but you are...by just being yourself...seemingly interesting...seemingly a world of depth that no one there gets or notices...oh...but we do...you can tell us...haha :smile:
 

wolfy

awsm
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
12,251
You hold people's gaze, let them notice that you're actually throwing admiring looks their way.. add a faint smile and walk away..all mysteriously :D

but you are...by just being yourself...seemingly interesting...seemingly a world of depth that no one there gets or notices...oh...but we do...you can tell us...haha :smile:

It's an interesting idea. How to come across as quiet and mysterious. There isn't anything in the other person that makes them mysterious. At least not initially, something in the way you perceive them does that.

The idea that you could be quiet and mysterious just by being yourself seems a little hit and miss. A smile would work I guess, what about doing something out of context?

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm just a curious little monkey.
 
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