[ENFP] Question for ENFP's and initial attraction

[Amargith]

Oh, if you can do something out of the ordinary while seeming completely preoccupied by it, that works too as it is bound to draw attention which you're bound to seem oblivious to

 

[Wild horses]

OK, I've got a question *raises hand* So you've got this quiet, mysterious person. How does the person turn it up to get noticed? Look at me! I'm quiet and mysterious...

And who says your not noticed wolfy?!

 

[Lady_X]

It's an interesting idea. How to come across as quiet and mysterious. There isn't anything in the other person that makes them mysterious. At least not initially, something in the way you perceive them does that.

The idea that you could be quiet and mysterious just by being yourself seems a little hit and miss. A smile would work I guess, what about doing something out of context?

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm just a curious little monkey.

well it's not something one should TRY to do...i think enfps in particular are extremely nonjudgmental...and have a strong appreciation for individuality...so there's something about seeing someone who seems interesting or different in a crowded room full of other people who don't get them.

but...i'm also drawn to intelligence, humor and charm and love an outgoing engaging personality...so i think what i really notice is just that person that stands out.

 

[wolfy]

And who says your not noticed wolfy?!

ENFP and their merciless teasing. x3

well it's not something one should TRY to do...i think enfps in particular are extremely nonjudgmental...and have a strong appreciation for individuality...so there's something about seeing someone who seems interesting or different in a crowded room full of other people who don't get them.

but...i'm also drawn to intelligence, humor and charm and love an outgoing engaging personality...so i think what i really notice is just that person that stands out.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

 

[Moiety]

Agreed with what others said, just being yourself is you're best bet at getting an ENFPs attention. Just don't expect the ENFP to always be the initiator though.

It's an interesting idea. How to come across as quiet and mysterious. There isn't anything in the other person that makes them mysterious. At least not initially, something in the way you perceive them does that.

The idea that you could be quiet and mysterious just by being yourself seems a little hit and miss. A smile would work I guess, what about doing something out of context?

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, I'm just a curious little monkey.

Mysterious only really means "not revealing", so I don't think it's something you couldn't pull off if you wanted. Same for quiet. You're an IFP, so I think you're very well qualified to be regarded as quiet and mysterious by simply being yourself, in a way.

And to the OP...I think INTJs might be a mystery to themselves even (unlike FPs), and not just to others.


In MBTI terms, I wouldn't say I have a preference for extroversion or introversion. I think I tend to notice people who I don't regard as shallow. Most chatty people tend to talk about shallow things but not all. And quiet people aren't any more deep than shallow, in most cases, so it's really not a factor. No matter how quiet/chatty they are, I tend to notice people who talk about interesting and/or deeper stuff.

 

[Lady_X]

Agreed with what others said, just being yourself is you're best bet at getting an ENFPs attention. Just don't expect the ENFP to always be the initiator though.



Mysterious only really means "not revealing", so I don't think it's something you couldn't pull off if you wanted. Same for quiet. You're an IFP, so I think you're very well qualified to be regarded as quiet and mysterious by simply being yourself, in a way.

And to the OP...I think INTJs might be a mystery to themselves even (unlike FPs), and not just to others.


In MBTI terms, I wouldn't say I have a preference for extroversion or introversion. I think I tend to notice people who I don't regard as shallow. Most chatty people tend to talk about shallow things but not all. And quiet people aren't any more deep than shallow, in most cases, so it's really not a factor. No matter how quiet/chatty they are, I tend to notice people who talk about interesting and/or deeper stuff.

right...hey me too!

 

[BerberElla]

well it's not something one should TRY to do...i think enfps in particular are extremely nonjudgmental...and have a strong appreciation for individuality...so there's something about seeing someone who seems interesting or different in a crowded room full of other people who don't get them.

Precisely what draws me towards them in the first place, the crowd ignores them, talks over them, and you just know they have so much to say if only they were relaxed enough.

I love the oddball in the group, probably because I see myself reflected when I look at them.

but...i'm also drawn to intelligence, humor and charm and love an outgoing engaging personality...so i think what i really notice is just that person that stands out.

Yup, this one too, it's all about the way they stand out.

I mean you can have the silent, but arrogant type, who is only quiet because they think everyone is beneath them, there isn't anything interesting to me about that type, so as quiet as they seem it's not drawing me in, their demeanour gives them away.

It's that special something.

 

[Lady_X]

Precisely what draws me towards them in the first place, the crowd ignores them, talks over them, and you just know they have so much to say if only they were relaxed enough.

I love the oddball in the group, probably because I see myself reflected when I look at them.



Yup, this one too, it's all about the way they stand out.

I mean you can have the silent, but arrogant type, who is only quiet because they think everyone is beneath them, there isn't anything interesting to me about that type, so as quiet as they seem it's not drawing me in, their demeanour gives them away.

It's that special something.

exactly yep.

 

[Amargith]

Precisely what draws me towards them in the first place, the crowd ignores them, talks over them, and you just know they have so much to say if only they were relaxed enough.

I love the oddball in the group, probably because I see myself reflected when I look at them.



Yup, this one too, it's all about the way they stand out.

I mean you can have the silent, but arrogant type, who is only quiet because they think everyone is beneath them, there isn't anything interesting to me about that type, so as quiet as they seem it's not drawing me in, their demeanour gives them away.

It's that special something.

 

[CzeCze]

Hmm, from personal experience I would say that I am drawn to people's energy and appearance (just being honest). I sometimes get a strong immediate first impression/draw to people. Some other people I am neutral about at first, don't get a strong sense of, but later a dynamic develops (usually these people are introverts)

I personally love a bit of quirk, I also like forth-rightness. I'm attracted to all sorts of energies, styles, and personalities.

Sometimes you click with people, sometimes you don't.

Then again, with hyperactive Ne and extroversion, with all the people I see, even briefly, in a day, I probably do overlook some 'hidden gems'.

I am not necessarily drawn to introverts or even the "odd one out" in a room. I am attracted to quirky energy, but not necessarily all quirky energy, and sometimes the most visibly quirkiest person in the room is also the most charismatic or most popular.

Most people just tend to be introverted. Even my introverted friends (of which I have many) agree with me on this. I am going to make a completely unscientific guesstimate and say that only 30% of the US population displays a classic "extroverted" personality.

 

[Rachelinpa]

Are ENFP's usually drawn to less extroverted types? Will they be drawn to that quiet and mysterious person, rather than the one socializing and chatting it up with the crowds?

I'd say it depends. I'm always scanning for that connection, so I'd probably have to check you out to see what your deal was if I thought you were being mysterious. If I didn't sense the N-connection right away though, I'd probably bounce. I don't like to waste your time or mine.

 

[Nillerz]

Pfft... women.

Ever think that maybe it'd be easier just to take the bull by the horns and be the aggressive leader in a relationship? It might be easier. Seriously. Women are like "will he notice me? Will he like me? omgomgomgomglolomgomg"

It's TIRING to constantly have to be the person to grab a woman say "I like ya!" and plant a smacker on their lips. One day I want a girl to come up to me, say that they think I'm just swell, take my hand, and lead ME to the ball.

 

[Goatman455]

I find myself being excessively extroverted (at least for an INTJ) in a lot of social situations. I guess I've conditioned myself to do so, since it's what's usually socially expected. Sometimes it's exhausting, sometimes it can be fun. Depending on who I'm socializing with. SO....

Lets say an ENFP was around, and I was not acting like my typical reserved and aloof INTJ self, and was extroverting way more than usual in a very non-INTJ manner, would he notice me at all? Are ENFP's usually drawn to less extroverted types? Will they be drawn to that quiet and mysterious person, rather than the one socializing and chatting it up with the crowds?

Sometimes I feel like I act sort of ENFP-ish and can be really silly in social situations...maybe because ENFP's have all the social qualities that I desire.

I think if it wasn't for work, I would have never met this male ENFP that I know now. I'm very much an INTJ at work...very quiet and private, and super concentrated on work at all times. I never even noticed he existed and he sat in the same row! Somehow he noticed me and persisted in getting to know me.

I guess I just wonder if I'm hurting my chances of being approached by ENFP's by appearing to be a type that I'm not. I'm just learning how much I'm drawn to this type and would love to meet more.

Damn you ENFP's

Well that feels good to hear considering I am an ENFP, but I have always admired INTJs social abilities. I think that is why you are drawn to each other.

I also don't think you will turn off an ENFP unless you frequently and wholly exhibit that personality. ENFPs tend to make their judgments about people over a long period of time, and are usually very good at seeing people's true nature once they have matured.

Most INTJs I know are very good at hiding their weaknesses (of course, Is are better at this than Es), and your insights have given me new perspective into the type.

My advice is keep doing what you are doing because if you act like yourself you will probably naturally interest other types like ENFPs who are also drawn to you.


Besides, think of your awesome ability to think before you speak before you get jealous of us. Also, INTJs are some of the most selfless people I have met, rare for an introverted thinker, and certainly a draw for ENFPs.

As I am writing this I think I can offer one suggestion to draw ENFPs. Show more of that side, show more of your selfless side, that "weak" side that you may not like to always show but that is a huge part of you.


Oh and don't be so hard on yourself, leave that to us ENFPs

 

[Uytuun]

I find myself being excessively extroverted (at least for an INTJ) in a lot of social situations. I guess I've conditioned myself to do so, since it's what's usually socially expected. Sometimes it's exhausting, sometimes it can be fun. Depending on who I'm socializing with. SO....

Lets say an ENFP was around, and I was not acting like my typical reserved and aloof INTJ self, and was extroverting way more than usual in a very non-INTJ manner, would he notice me at all? Are ENFP's usually drawn to less extroverted types? Will they be drawn to that quiet and mysterious person, rather than the one socializing and chatting it up with the crowds?

Sometimes I feel like I act sort of ENFP-ish and can be really silly in social situations...maybe because ENFP's have all the social qualities that I desire.

I think if it wasn't for work, I would have never met this male ENFP that I know now. I'm very much an INTJ at work...very quiet and private, and super concentrated on work at all times. I never even noticed he existed and he sat in the same row! Somehow he noticed me and persisted in getting to know me.

I guess I just wonder if I'm hurting my chances of being approached by ENFP's by appearing to be a type that I'm not. I'm just learning how much I'm drawn to this type and would love to meet more.

Damn you ENFP's

Are you like my clone or something? I agree with what lamp says, though, as silly and E as we think we are being, there is still a sort of dissonance and...INTJ crazy, somewhat rocky and edged relationship with expression and the exterior that keeps peaking through. I've definitely left the whole "strong quiet stare in the distance while the others are buzzing around" thing behind. I still do it from time to time, but I pride myself in my ability to understand, adapt and improve and I have a much better time myself now that I have more ways to relate to people.

I refuse to play the mysterious pining person that needs rescuing from an E in social situations (help or just talking /= rescuing). One of the things that I also find very taxing is introverts you have to baby in social situations...you almost have to take responsibility for keeping them company and make sure they're not alone and unhappy (Fi won't let me dump them - IF(J)s tend to have that going on). Maybe it's my independent nature, but I've always resisted that. I have learned to hold my own in social situations (in my own way) and I'm proud of it. Besides, we do have a silly side - nothing wrong with letting it show from time to time...generally, it'll be so weird that it'll still be mysterious.

I do have the reverse from you in that I become more Te (more ENTJ-ish) in work and school environments (I am very vocal in those environments, but also very unsmooth) and more N outside of them.

^^^yeah, act how you want. You will probably still end up making INTJ-style quips and comments

 

[thescientist]

Are you like my clone or something? I agree with what lamp says, though, as silly and E as we think we are being, there is still a sort of dissonance and...INTJ crazy, somewhat rocky and edged relationship with expression and the exterior that keeps peaking through. I've definitely left the whole "strong quiet stare in the distance while the others are buzzing around" thing behind. I still do it from time to time, but I pride myself in my ability to understand, adapt and improve and I have a much better time myself now that I have more ways to relate to people.

I refuse to play the mysterious pining person that needs rescuing from an E in social situations (help or just talking /= rescuing). One of the things that I also find very taxing is introverts you have to baby in social situations...you almost have to take responsibility for keeping them company and make sure they're not alone and unhappy (Fi won't let me dump them - IF(J)s tend to have that going on). Maybe it's my independent nature, but I've always resisted that. I have learned to hold my own in social situations (in my own way) and I'm proud of it. Besides, we do have a silly side - nothing wrong with letting it show from time to time...generally, it'll be so weird that it'll still be mysterious.

I do have the reverse from you in that I become more Te (more ENTJ-ish) in work and school environments (I am very vocal in those environments, but also very unsmooth) and more N outside of them.

Feels so nice when someone understands

I can be vocal at work as well. Depends on the nature of the project. If I feel strongly enough about something, I will speak up. We're certainly no smooth operators unfortunately.

 

[kyuuei]

The conversation dies a lot when people don't want to keep it going or are just as response-oriented as me when I talk to them. So I end up hanging out with people that create responses for me. So I suppos it's not extroverted or introverted so much as capable of socializing better than I am. I can't imagine dating someone more socially awkward than myself.

 

[lamp]

I can't imagine dating someone more socially awkward than myself.

You come off as pretty brazen. While this is probably not 'best', it can certainly work to your advantage and is a hell of a lot better than being quiet. you probably arent brazen