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Thread: DARNED ESFPs and your caring! [Help me INFP]

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array Koocoomoo's Avatar
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    Mar 2009

    Default DARNED ESFPs and your caring! [Help me INFP]

    I know an ESFP.
    He is my closest friend atm, which doesn't say much because I don't have many.
    I am an atypical INFP and about a year ago, when I moved for the 16th time, I suddenly because HUGELY introverted -- used to be ENFP -- to the point that I couldn't even hold a conversation with someone because them looking at me was painful.
    He was my first friend. And I absolutely can't stand his awesome, caring, unorthodox nature of living.
    Most people are self-centered enough to not care how I'm feeling, or to be distracted when they ask me a question and I deflect.
    (I.E. "What do you think about this guy?" they ask.
    I say, "What do you think about this guy?" Or some other question about themselves.) 99% it works. But NOO, not for Mr. ESFP.
    He is the only one who even Notices that I deflect. Not even my Best Friend, another INFP, notices as well as he does.
    And when I ask him a personal question, sometimes HE even deflects -- I RARELY ever encounter someone who deflects -- and if he doesn't, he follows up his answer with a personal question to me.
    And I feel so uncomfortable because I'm not used to that level of attention and caring.

    Also, the part I need HELP with:
    He keeps insisting on asking me these personal questions and I never answer.
    I hardly say anything around him. I want to, and a bunch of words come up in my mind, but whenever I'm about to say it, I stop because he doesn't understand me.
    I am a HUGE N, and that basically dictated my life 90% of the time.
    Being around him brings my N down a LITTLE, but it's still a huge, flaming N. And he's still a pretty big S.
    I try to express myself and it's just failure.
    So I don't bother, in to him it seemingly results in awkward silences.
    It's not that I have nothing to say, it's that I do have stuff to say, but I don't.
    What do I do?

    P.S. it probably doesn't help that I'm starting to fall for him. =(

    Painfully Bipolar

  2. #2
    triple nerd score Array poppy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009



    It sounds like you just need to relax and not worry what he thinks. Even if you go on goofy N tangents, he'll probably be game for them. ESFPs are pretty playful.

    As for the personal questions, that sounds like something you should work on yourself. Maybe try to work out why it bothers you when people you trust ask you certain questions.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array Sacrator's Avatar
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    Aug 2009


    Im ESFP sometimes when im feeling very sensing so i can relate to caring for someone. You remind me of this girl i met i kind of do the same thing hes doing but she doesn't really reply to my personal questions much she kind of just makes them really simple to brush them off. I don't really know what to do and it kind of just makes me want to move on or somehow slowly open her up a little to me with effort. Anyways i think you should open up more with him and just relax and have a good time. Answer his personal questions openly and honestly and don't care what he thinks about you. Notice poppy is pretty much is saying the same things too. Do you have any advice for me in my situation since i been thinking she is a INFP also.

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