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Thread: ENFJ behaviour

  1. #21
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    P.A.C.R. I like that acronym. I'm stealing it!

    But seriously, what's so wrong with being there? That's a cool place to be! That means I Like You. We're simpatico. We hang out, I like to discuss things with you, I call you up ask for your opinion on things rather than smiling and saying "That's very interesting!" We eat interesting foods, see progressive theater and contemporary art, I get drunk with you, try to smother you with my breasts. I may even sniff your finger! You're the person that I say, hey I'm going through Philly this weekend and I want to drop by and see you.

    P.A.C.R.'s kinda like being in Limbo. I mean really, people that I'm closest to have to deal with a lot of my stuff. It's not always Tahitian Sands resort. And what if you get there and it's all a bottomless black sucking void? Now you want a refund and guess what? ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
    LOL and +1

    My breasts have killed many an unwary PACRer. Killed 'em good.

    An excellent point you make about the waiting room -- it's NOT a bad place to be. And true, those closest to me ARE seeing *everything*, not just the palm trees and the hand-loomed rugs. They see maid service scrubbing toilets, the ugly pool boys flashing crack every time they bend over to fish a forgotten bikini off of the swim-up bar, the piles of drunken-reveler-soiled linens.

    All sales *are* final. You will relinquish your free handmilled organic soaps and shampoos and proceed to the Big Black Door Of No Return.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  2. #22
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    He has to be. He reached way down into her shadow realm and pulled out the true damsel in distress; Fi. For me, Fi is like a pure-hearted (but annoying) child locked in my basement. Everybody else comes first, and I mean everybody at the direction of Fe...even my Te. Then, at the end of the day, if I don't forget, I have to attend to Fi, who due to neglect, will fall over on the gas line and cause the entire house to burn down in flames if I don't.

    As I said, Fi can be severely annoying sometimes. When not used correctly, it will undermine the respect and authority I've garnered from others with Fe by forcing me to serve as a morality cop, often arresting Fe from going to far into selfish manipulation. It keeps me in check.
    Love is the point.

  3. #23
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    Yeah, is that what you call it? She says I made her an emotional wreck

    But shh.... She still is full ENFJ in all its glory. Just one that has emo problems sometimes.

    Thanks you helped me understand the Fi step child thing, it drives my wife nuts for people to think she is high maintenance which I never understood, especially since I can make her look high maintenance. Its to the point where even if I say anything everyone knows its not me because I am so laid back and easy going.

    edit: take it one step farther I guess I completely destroy the image she tries to create of herself. Its not that I dont support her its I dont support her image.

    to the op: sorry I hijacked your thread, but atleast your are learning alot about ENFJs.

  4. #24
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Poki; run through the emo flames, and rescue her Fi. She'll be stoically greatful, and you can enjoy some peaceful, romantic time with your wife's "Moon". Pretty soon, her Fe "Sun" will wake up again. Fi will retreat back to the castle tower willingly...it's right that Fe shines in her; it's partly your job to make sure that you cut through all the BS and bring her Fi back out when she (Fe) needs to rest.
    Love is the point.

  5. #25
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Does Fi mean buying me shoes? Cuz I'll throw down some cardboard and cut some hot moveZ 4 sum shooZ.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

  6. #26
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Does Fi mean buying me shoes? Cuz I'll throw down some cardboard and cut some hot moveZ 4 sum shooZ.
    Um, sure?

    I suppose, if Fi felt like you were being especially integritous. And was your boyfriend (INFP?)
    Love is the point.

  7. #27
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    hey, no problem poki,

    i think fuzz's response of just ask him is the answer, sort of obvious but since he's dodged twice in the (distant) past, painfully so, had forgotten that was an option and had resorted to guesswork.. [but in defence if i try to pull away he stops me]

    i love reading what you guys have to say, i've read all the enfj stuff on here, i always thought my enfj had it easy because he is so funny and popular and the dark side just made him more interesting, deep, ..and popular,
    but the posts about how hard it is because you care so much, i can see that now but it makes you all seem even better too.. and i suppose i thought he is so socially confident that even when having a tough time it doesn't seem that serious to me because he knows how to recover, but reading the posts has made me think maybe he needs more taking care of than i thought,

    i asked the question of why ENFJs entertain, because i sometimes resent the way people expect him to perform almost like they're using him, and wondered if he felt obliged to or actually got a kick from it,

    after five years of knowing him with lots of emotional confusion on both sides i think, it seems like its come to a head where something has to happen or at least be stated clearly, and as talking about it with him has been so hard in the past i wanted to get some neutral but informed input, which i have! so thanks,

    -- and the very first point of ENFJs calming down, and just having normal, relaxed conversation: its what i notice when he is with me, and i wondered if he was trying to give me what i want and thought i preferred it, or whether this was maybe a more 'real' self that didn't feel like it needed to perform..

    -- and i don't think an average infp is at all interested in waiting room fun as an alternative to what's behind the door, we want to see it all or it doesn't feel genuine, or at best it feels incomplete, we definitely want to know where the dark is and will go to lengths to seek it out. we can deal with peoples sht because we limit the number of people to those we are deeply into, or that's true for me anyway

  8. #28
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    You will know as you become close. I have observed with my wife a turning point in relationships with people around her. The closer you get the more mixed feelings you will see. At a certain point all hell breaks loose and its at that point that people decide there distance with them. What they want to disclose, what they want to hide, etc. I dont know if this is on purpose, or a test, its just something I have witnessed over and over with alot of people.
    This is interesting. Do you think your wife does this as a test, to see her boundaries with people?

    I notice the mixed messages the closer I get to ENFJs. Sometimes I feel like they say/do things to try and make me jealous as a way to confirm that I care, or to jab at me when they are mad that I may not care. I'm not an easy one to make jealous, but the attempt itself is annoying.

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPiranha View Post
    Ok. Beef: Why does this always turn into "ENFJs throw tantrums"? I'm no more tantrum-y than anyone else I know. I may be temperamental, but I don't take hostages and I'm certainly not controlling of my loved ones or delusional. I'd like an explanation please of the "all hell breaks loose" superlative as well.
    I've never witnessed such a thing from an ENFJ either. I see them mostly happy, friendly, upbeat; or depressed, teary-eyed, and forlorn; or tender and mawkish; or frustrated and irritated; but I've never seen one blow their lid.

    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    It may not even be related directly towards you, but you are the outlet because something you did triggered it that relates to the core internal conflict. This is how it appears from the outside.
    This is what I think happened to me recently. An ENFJ lashing out at me, but it wasn't all about me. It's confusing to know where it's coming from and how I should take it.

    Quote Originally Posted by WieldingTheSword View Post
    I think ENFJ's are certainly outgoing in the sense that we converse with most people freely, but as far as revealing ourselves, we are extremely reserved. We have to truly believe you will appreciate us when we STOP being so charismatic and social and can handle our mixed, darker emotions.

    I don't think there is a foolproof way to see how deeply an ENFJ feels because we tend not to be able to even verbally express the depth to which we feel things. However, ENFJs are pretty in-tune with what they feel and why they feel it.
    What makes you feel comfortable to reveal yourself? I appreciate people more when they can go beyond the charismatic. It frustrates me to be stuck there with an ENFJ.


    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    P.A.C.R. I like that acronym. I'm stealing it!

    But seriously, what's so wrong with being there? That's a cool place to be! That means I Like You. We're simpatico. We hang out, I like to discuss things with you, I call you up ask for your opinion on things rather than smiling and saying "That's very interesting!" We eat interesting foods, see progressive theater and contemporary art, I get drunk with you, try to smother you with my breasts. I may even sniff your finger! You're the person that I say, hey I'm going through Philly this weekend and I want to drop by and see you.

    P.A.C.R.'s kinda like being in Limbo. I mean really, people that I'm closest to have to deal with a lot of my stuff. It's not always Tahitian Sands resort. And what if you get there and it's all a bottomless black sucking void? Now you want a refund and guess what? ALL SALES ARE FINAL.
    Yes, I have realized this with ENFJs. I'm the one my ENFJ best friend calls up when he's swallowed a bottle of pills and in the emergency room. It seems once he designated me his closest friend years ago, there is no going back. This is the kind of friendship I seek anyway, so it's no burden on me. I feel honored when a friend confides in me about the messy stuff. I'm all about the messy stuff.

    Conversely, it bothers me that my other ENFJ friend does keep me in limbo now, where all is pleasant, because in the past, he'd delve into darker issues in his life (referencing the same person from my INFP/ENFJ drama thread). I'm not sure why we went backwards. Did I do something wrong - fail some test? One thing I am never guilty of is brushing people off when they are down, not hearing their problems out, trivializing their feelings, etc. I am always happy to provide a shoulder.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  9. #29
    Senior Member Lookin4theBestNU's Avatar
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    Poki: After having been married to an ISTP for so long myself I'm quite sure he would have described me very much like you described your wife. I'm not sure if she is unstable or not of course. She sounds a bit too much like me for me to say she is unstable at least in this post . The "storm building" would sound pretty familiar to him. Although its a really rare occasion in our marriage he does to try to avoid it when possible. He's clever in that and thankfully very calming explaining the rational side of things that emotion may blur. I'd say with enough pressure behind it that I can rival any ESFJ in outpouring of emotion whether positive or negative given the right circumstances. He also knows the signals well when the outburst is inevitable. His last ditch effort is sometimes humor-which only someone I really love can get away with in such a state.

    **my apologies for the sorta off topic post too**
    "At points of clarity, I realize that my life on earth is meaningless, and that I am merely a pawn in a bigger game. A game I cannot possibly understand or have control of. Thankfully, before depression sets in, I drift back into my cloudy, bewildered daily routine." **Joel Patrick Warneke**

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post

    What makes you feel comfortable to reveal yourself? I appreciate people more when they can go beyond the charismatic. It frustrates me to be stuck there with an ENFJ.

    It typically happens like this: Said person sees me completely lose it-- anger, deep sadness, awful behavior, etc. when I don't want them to--they see that dark side fully on display--and they respond very well.

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