Story of my life. My dad (I think he's an ISTJ) was like a locked, closed book in a foreign language, and the key was no where to be found. He's become a tiny bit better in the past six months or so. I ACTUALLY ALMOST got a half hug a few weeks ago. He ended up patteing me on the shoulder rather stiffly and did a WAY too enthusiastic 'WELL DONE' *manic grin*.
I've attached to the bad sort before and been totally blind to their gaping faults , I also find that if the newest closest male (I leap bounds in the direction of attaching to them, connecting with them, getting to know them, 'helping' them, trying to be everything they like in a person) in my life doesn't show major amount of care (Care relative to them) for me it can leave me feeling awful. If you know the enneagram, it mergest with lingering bits of social anxiety and turns me almost horrifically twoish just with the one person
It's kinda bizzare, I'm not really very people pleasing with any other relationships - conflict avoidant sure - but not in that sense. It's like a complete personality shift.
Being around guys tends to drain away my sense of self rather easily too, I leave and then realise just how little's there.