This issue reminded me just a bit of fellow INFP Black Cat's past posting about his ENFJ mom's b-day...hence the title.
So I forgot my ENFJ friend's b-day by ONE DAY. Keep in mind, he lives in a totally different time zone, we never see each other in person anymore, we talk only sporadically nowadays & it's usually pretty brief & impersonal. We were closer a few years ago, and when I'd acknowledge his b-day then by ecard, he'd take his sweet time opening it (not very concerned when/if it came). So I didn't regard my b-day messages as highly valued or very important to him. Lately, I've felt I am on the back burner as far as friends go. That and I've realized he uses the same lines/approach on everyone, and so now it rings hollow.
This year, I had a family crisis over the weekend, I'm out of a job, and generally very depressed, and it just slipped my mind. I only remembered when a social networking site notified me.
So I send the expected e-card a day late and make a joke about forgetting the exact date, and he replies in this really annoyed, scolding manner, like "you should feel really bad, and don't expect anything from me on your b-day". Now, maybe he was joking, because he does that, but when I made light of this reaction, he then made it a point to say he always remembers everything I tell him about me (which is not true). He made several jabs towards me about other things, and then got all weird and sappy, saying he feels he knows me so well, and tried to get me to say he is my "favorite friend" (What does that even mean? He knows he is NOT my best friend, and he's never called me his "favorite friend". He has many, many female friends he flirts with like mad, and has never made any sincere indication that I am more special, so why does he need to be most special to me? /mini rant). So I teased him back & got rather rude. Sometimes it seems like his head is so inflated and if you don't keep pumping the helium in, he flies around all erratic like a deflating balloon. I admit I took some pleasure in popping a pin in his head, then inevitably felt bad. However, I have been very "deflated" as of late, and he expresses no concern towards me.
On occasions when my grandma was very ill, my cat almost died, and other crap happened to me, he had little in the way of comfort to give when other friends heard me out and didn't just feed me dismissive "things will get better" lines, as he did. However, god forbid a holiday or birthday is overlooked!
I just don't know what his deal is. How can you mostly ignore someone, but then get mad when they don't make over your stupid b-day? Not to mention, this is a grown man, not a 12 year old. Plus, my e-card was quite charming, with line after line of cuteness added by me, and it was totally pegged as a failure simply because it wasn't on time. That really bugs me also....
I'm just tired of trying to figure out where I stand with this guy and what's expected of me in our friendship. Are we good friends or not? How come it's okay for him to ignore me, but not for me to forget him? Why is it so important that I regard him as special, but he won't return the sentiment (or tosses it out to every other friend like candy)? Why does it seem like he is always jumping from new friend to new friend, focusing on the new and forgetting old ties, but expecting old ties to be there for him?
Is this just a really insecure person who needs everyone to love him and give him fanfare, but who is unwilling to actually put himself out there for a genuine friendship?