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  1. #1
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
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    Default INFJs & Physical Altercations

    Upon delving more into INFJ stuff, I'm reading a lot about how INFJs tend to not like conflicts and really prefer it if they can make/be in an atmosphere where everyone is as content as possible. I was also reading stuff which intimated that willing participation in a physical altercation is almost unheard of among INFJs.

    Now, I definitely relate to wanting to keep everyone content if possible, I do like it when that is possible myself. Still, I would say that even while it takes a lot, I will give up the desire for everyone being content if someone severely offends my sense of justice or right and wrong (I.E. racists, misogynists, oppressors of the less fortunate, etc.).

    This extends to physical altercation as well. I haven't been in a fist fight in years, but I got into quite a few when I was younger. When I think back on it, I never got in a fight where I wasn't either defending myself/standing up against bullying, or fighting on behalf of someone being bullied/mistreated. It all went back to the sense of justice thing. I also ran down a pick pocket a couple of years ago when he lifted my camera, and didn't even think twice about it because it was simply "No, that was wrong, I'm not going to take that" (I got my camera back too!).

    I did have qualifiers. Like I would usually fight back with words first, it did take a alot for me to get physical. I didn't fight anyone who hadn't laid hands on already, whether those hands had been laid on me or someone who couldn't defend themselves physically.

    These days I'm definitely more of a laid back individual in terms of that, but I still wouldn't hesitate to get physical in certain situations (the abuse of a child, the beating of someone who wouldn't or couldn't fight back, etc.). I just wondered if this was highly unusual for INFJs, or if the stuff I've been reading is just meaning "INFJs don't like physical altercations IN GENERAL".
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  2. #2
    Senior Member mwv6r's Avatar
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    Echh I detest physical altercations and avoid them like the plague. A vivid childhood memory that's forever etched in my brain is when this mean girl at my middle school declared to everyone that she was going to fight me because I had allegedly written something about her boyfriend on a bathroom stall (I hadn't, she was just crazy and paranoid). She never did fight me but for a long time afterwards I got into cold sweats in any situation where she was nearby.

    I have a lot of trouble watching violence in movies. It never fails to make me cringe and I literally cover my eyes and wait for it to be over.

    I do get riled up by racism / misogyny, etc., and "fight" for the underdog, though this has always been a verbal "fight." I'm told I come across as pretty tough in these situations and sometimes I have to force myself to cool down because I get so caught up in my righteous indignation...

    I actually think that if it came down to it I could hold my own reasonably well in a physical fight, but it would be a miserable situation emotionally for me.

  3. #3
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    This traces back to an INFJ's need to delegate everything he says and does before saying or doing it.

    If we have a disagreement with someone, we'd rather resolve the conflict intellectually and take a recess to check our facts. If we were right (and we usually are), we'll supply them with a hard copy of our data and let them make the call. If we were wrong, we'll apologize and give them the victory...or just avoid the subject altogether in future contact with them.

    If the altercation does turn physical, an INFJ will usually wait until his aggressor attacks first to drop into combat mode, and even then we usually defend rather than retaliate. Yeah, it means we lose the fight, but we still win the war when the other person gets most of the punishment for instigating the fight in the first place.

  4. #4
    Senior Member hokie912's Avatar
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    I find real-life physical violence fairly terrifying. At my old job, I occasionally had to deal with combative psychiatric patients. I could do it when I had to, but it always scared the shit out of me. I got physically shaky and anxious at the prospect. I can watch violence in movies, etc., but I don't like being anywhere near it when it's for real.

    I can't imagine getting into a physical altercation with someone unless it was completely in self-defense.

  5. #5
    Senior Member scortia's Avatar
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    I'm not afraid of getting into physical fights... but I'm at a point in my life where I doubt it'll ever happen aside from in self defense. I can control my emotions easily enough to not hit someone. I typically just hold back and make myself ill with frustration instead. (Maybe punching that person would be healthier for me

    I've only been in two physical fights and they barely were fights. I do try to maintain harmony... mostly because I don't like undesired attention. I have no problem getting attention while on stage or something like that. But I hate knowing everyone's watching me in a situation like that. I only had those two fights because those people were being selfish or cruel (to others). And in the fights I had, I know I pulled back my punches and kicks. I become so conscious of how it'd feel if I had the same punch thrown at me and I can't be forceful. And yet, I had no problem being forceful in karate class.

    Oh well, it'll make sense someday.

  6. #6
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    I suspect INFJs to have glass jaws, like most of the women and children I fight.



  7. #7
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    hmm. i was very aggressive and liked to fight as a kid. i played basketball and was the most aggressive one on the court. but i also went through some tough stuff at a young age, like divorce and distant mom and difficulty making real friends, etc., which i now believe put me in my shadow (estp) side more.

    now i avoid weirdness and violence in general. i get nervous with confrontation but i feel the fight in me, and know i could hold my own--i just prefer not to go there anymore. i don't like to watch violence, or read bad news stories, or yell, or even think about people/children being abused, etc.

    it sounds sorta like Fi you're talking about. is your Fi well developed?
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    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

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  8. #8
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    I have never ever gotten into a fight (I am too much of a peacemaker, I would rather tell everyone involved to calm down.) but I can definitely understand the notion of standing up for the underdog, if I feel someone has been treated unfairly I can get argumentative and will instinctively take their side.

  9. #9
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
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    I used to be much more 'snappable' when I was younger. If I got frustrated enough someone in the vicinity, usually my brother, was going to be the punching bag. Through middle school I became more withdrawn so that if I snapped it was more likey to find a corner and cry rather that be aggressive.

    In the last few years I have developed a lot as a person and take the same steps as many of the above posters. I only fight injustice and in self defense, and in words first. In the altercations I had in recent years, they usually were because I was either verbally ribbed one too many times while I was on a deep emotional downswing, or someone else started the fight (And I knew words would be wasted on them). In the latter, I never got in trouble but always when they happened the moment I threw a punch someone came around to get the other person in trouble. I never got in trouble form those kinds of things.

    Violence in movies are fine as long as they aren't freakish gorey bouts. Fights that leave the fighters in one piece, or Star Wars fights where no wounds bleed are more exciting than off-putting. But even then, some fight situations in movies just get me revved up enough that I need to get away from it to cool down before going back.

    I can handle almost anything in videogames.
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  10. #10
    Protocol Droid Athenian200's Avatar
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    I haven't gotten into many fights, but I actually started the few (three?) that I got into. However, none of them lasted long enough for anyone to lose or win.

    I always froze up after the first or second punch, and either the other person stopped after they realized I wasn't fighting back anymore, or someone got between us and broke it up.

    Generally, it happened when I was in an irrational state of mind because I was freaked and trying to leave the room, but they were in my way. Or I was extremely tired and they were refusing to leave (after the time they said they would) so I could sleep... after repeated requests that they do so. So for me, it was generally a blind panic, dehydration/heat, or fatigue that caused the fight.

    For some reason, when I think of physical altercations (even while I'm in them), they vaguely remind me of death or dying... so I tend to think of these three things:

    [youtube="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4luOLrD4Ppw&feature=related"]Burning Blood[/youtube]

    DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT

    Do not go gentle into that good night,
    Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
    Because their words had forked no lightning they
    Do not go gentle into that good night.

    Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
    Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
    And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
    Do not go gentle into that good night.

    Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
    Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

    And you, my father, there on the sad height,
    Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
    Do not go gentle into that good night.
    Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


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