[NF] NF Imagination

[Schizm]

As a kid, I saw demons. The devil told me "you will be mine". I had gross distortions of reality. I used to say, "Satan get out of here, Satan get out of here, Satan get out of here" after every meal. I was haunted and tormented by sounds and I felt presences. Everywhere I went it seemed there was this ominous cloud of foreboding doom.

I will continue.

I cried out from night terrors to my Mother. Some times she came and sometimes she didn't. I had to hide my head under the pillow. For years until 21, I was tormented by the occasional presences. It was always evil. I toyed in my mind and sold my soul to the devil. The beginning of the novel Beowolf scared the living crap of me when the demon is chasing, chasing, chasing. But I still want to read it.

I have to watch out for Schizophrenia. Who was the writer who killed herself b/c she didn't want to hear the voices anymore? Was it Joan Didion?

Now, these thoughts and disturbances have returned and in a different form. I don't want to go down that road again. But, what can you do? Suck drugs all the time. Get on the lithium salt. Take depakote. Or get some really grand zombifying schizo meds. Anyway, anyone else suffereing from this bullshit? Have a good day.

 

[Kiddo]

I've had moments where my imagination has gotten ahead of me and I have even made myself sick from worry and anxiety. I absolutely hate the idea of medications so I've found a few alternative treatments.

I highly suggest meditation. Learning to control your physical response so that you don't work yourself up over an obsessive thought is key to keeping your focus and not losing yourself in those negative emotions. It will help you focus on inward metaphysical matters and sometimes you can even work out the root cause of whatever mental loop you are caught in. If you are skeptical about it, then you could limit it to just learning the basic breathing exercises.

Counseling might also me a good idea. Often, you can gain much more insight speaking to a trustworthy and sympathetic face than you can through introspecting and searching the internet.

Commune with nature. Take a walk through a park on a sunny day or find somewhere you can just listen to the birds chirping and watch the clouds flying by. Mother nature can be very soothing and rejuvenating and may help you get back to the basics. Not to mention, it gives you something solid to work with and that can help fight off distortion of reality.

 

[arcticangel02]

I've had moments where my imagination has gotten ahead of me and I have even made myself sick from worry and anxiety.

Not very often, but it has happened to me before, where I've just been unable to be in my own head... had to do something, anything else, just to block the thoughts out. I haven't ever had too much of a problem with blocking it out, though, thankfully. (Yay for my fickle, easily distracted mind!)

 

[xNFJiminy]

Hi Schizm. I have 'hallucinated' (though I'm not convinced that's all it was) spiritual activity only when experiencing sleep paralysis. I don't know if it's more common in NFs or not, but I can imagine that when someone's going to hallucinate, an F might be more likely to experience metaphysical/religious things than classic paranoia or alien-related stuff.

Did you know about this research? There's also information out there about how gluten intolerances can cause various mental illnesses. There used to be a study on the same website that experimented with the effects of both milk and gluten on autistic children, but I can't find it any more.

Findings from two novel animal studies indicate autism and schizophrenia may be linked to an individual's inability to properly break down a protein found in milk, University of Florida researchers report in this month's issue of the journal Autism.

The digestive problem might actually lead to the disorders' symptoms, whose basis has long been debated, said UF physiologist Dr. J. Robert Cade, cautioning that further research must take place before scientists have a definitive answer. When not broken down, the milk protein produces exorphins, morphine-like compounds that are then taken up by areas of the brain known to be involved in autism and schizophrenia, where they cause cells to dysfunction.

The animal findings suggest an intestinal flaw, such as a malfunctioning enzyme, is to blame, says Cade, whose team also is putting the theory to the test in humans. Preliminary findings from that study which showed 95 percent of 81 autistic and schizophrenic children studied had 100 times the normal levels of the milk protein in their blood and urine have been presented at two international meetings in the past year but have not yet been published.

When these children were put on a milk-free diet, at least eight out of 10 no longer had symptoms of autism or schizophrenia, says Cade, a professor of medicine and physiology at UF's College of Medicine and inventor of the Gatorade sports drink. His research team includes research scientist Dr. Zhongjie Sun and research associate R. Malcolm Privette.

"We now have proof positive that these proteins are getting into the blood and proof positive they're getting into areas of the brain involved with the symptoms of autism and schizophrenia," Cade said.

 

[Athenian200]

I never experienced any visual hallucinations. However, when I was very young, there were times I had a strong faith that something dangerous was in a specific place, and was invisible. But it was usually a zombie, a floating skull, or Death, rather than the Devil or a demon. After fearing it for a while, I would go over to wherever it was after getting tired of avoiding it, and wait for it to do something, and when it didn't, the fear would subside.

There was one time when it was really late, I heard a voice that kept saying "Doom" over and over again, each time louder than before. The only way I could get it to stop was by thinking in specific patterns, in which case the voice would repeat whatever I was thinking or reading to myself. It didn't stop until the next morning. It was preceded by a weird shrill, high-pitched tone in my ears that started all of a sudden. Sometimes I hear that same ringing when things get too quiet, but I don't hear the voice anymore. Interestingly, it was after this time that I became better able to read without speaking to myself, so I was rather young at this point.

How bad is that?

 

[quietgirl]

I never experienced any visual hallucinations. However, when I was very young, there were times I had a strong faith that something dangerous was in a specific place, and was invisible. But it was usually a zombie, a floating skull, or Death, rather than the Devil or a demon. After fearing it for a while, I would go over to wherever it was after getting tired of avoiding it, and wait for it to do something, and when it didn't, the fear would subside.

Wow, I did this too as a child.

 

[prplchknz]

I use to see a bat out of the corner of my eye. Lately it's been a cat, but most reacently I see flashes of light, like in movies when it's meant to show reality splitting in half. I use to think in my dad's office death in a diguise of a country singer was in my dad's office and his office was right by the top of the stairs so I'd always run past it when I went down or upstairs. What really freaked my out is a light would hit the wall that it looked like a demon's face. Sometimes If I glance at someone their face looks disgusting, even if it's perfectly clean I'll normally look again and it's normal. But It's not like everyone is walking around with disgusting faces.

 

[Kiddo]

I kind of hallucinate when I'm alone in the dark. For me, it's more like ghosts and shadow demons. In a perfectly dark room I'll see a white arm moving through the air, or hear noises that aren't there. If there is enough light to casts shadows, then I'll see those shadows forming shapes that appear to move closer to me. Usually though I'll be just sitting there and suddenly the room will feel real cold, like from the 6th Sense. Funny the games our minds can play with us when they are left to their own devices.

 

[GZA]

I've had a couple of isolated things. When I was very young, I remember seeing some kind of demon type thing, but it was only breifly. Still, it scared the shit out of me. Later when I was about 11 or 12, I don't know what happened but during an assembly at school I kind of had one of those moments where... it was kind of like when you get up to fast and everything goes black for a second and you're dizzy, except I was sittign still the whole time. Everything just kind of faded out, but instead of black, it was kind of a weird green/grey combination, and it sparkled with a bunch of different colours... I can't really explain it. I saw a little stream, sort of like a fountain in a way, with jars around it. Then it faded into total grey, and then normal vision returned. I don't know what it was, whether it was a hullucination, or just my imagination going insane, or if it was synasthethia (I can't remember how it is spelled -the thing where one sense gets stimulated by another, in this case, music causing visually stimulation that does not otherwise exist). There was really calm music playing at the time...

I've had things where I beleived a certain object in my room was not trustworthy while I was trying to sleep. I'll see the outline of it in the dark and it will seem evil, like it wants to destroy me, and its nearly impossible to ignore, even though I know its rediculous to think that.

 

[CzeCze]

...

Are these things really related to being NF? I know that I have suffered from OCD behavior and extreme social anxiety, especially as a child through adolescence through early adulthood. In highschool, walking through the crowds between classes (and I went to a very small school of just a few high school hundred students overall) would make me *panic* and get too excited so I would repeat numbers to "calm myself down" --> this is actually an OCD behavior. Even as a child though, for a period I would cough in threes or clear my throat repeatedly and it became noticeable to adults around me and they had me stop it.

OCD behavior at its root is an extreme need to control your environment and to go through motions of having control when in reality you don't have it or you don't feel you have it and moreover, you KNOW that eveyrone else knows that you know that they know that you don't have control. It's sick.

As for hearing voices or metaphysical fears -- I suffered from night terrors as a child. I would always wake up in a sweat in the middle of the night with teh covers over my head PARALYZED and unable to move. I would panic because I was smothering under my blanket. I would muster up all my energy and kick out my legs and that would usually cure it.

Night terrors/paralysis is actually quite common especially in childhood and most people confuse it with 'astral projection' or 'possession' or other exotic things.

I also had horrific nightmares but I think that's associated with and normal with experiencing trauma and/or abuse as a child, so again, not unusual in context.

As a child once or twice I heard voices and found no person to attach with the voice, but again, isn't this normal for childhood? Also, I think I could explain it with something logical, like I was hearing another conversation floating over and mistook it for someone speaking to me.

Just another perspective.

 

[CzeCze]

Suggestions for help

My bad -- I forgot the *constructive part*!

I agree, be physical in your body. Be present. Learn how to live and BE in yourself. The mind-body-emotion-X connection is very real.

Some people do yoga, some like dance -- just do anything that let's you experience the physicality of the present.

Channel your excess anxiety doubts fears etc. into something creative that makes you feel deep and/or happy. Writing, painting, pottery, weaving, singing -- etc.

Get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat regular meals.

It's amazing how these basic things which equal living a good life can do for yourself. And also amazing how some people have horrible horrible habits when it comes to these things and how badly it affects their moods.

Don't self-medicate with coffee, nicotine, drugs, sex, alcohol. This will just make your life a mess and not help with the root of the problem.

And definitely see a professional. Your issue may be neurological and not psychological/chemical. Neurological issues are a different animal.

 

[quietmusician]

I've never experienced stuff like this. I think I was subconsciously forced to live in reality or something. This is definitely where I don't have the typical NF imagination. Although, what I've read on here fascinates me. I want whatever you guys are on, lol.

 

[Amargith]

Yup. And I enjoy living in that world. Mine doesn't come with demons though.

 

[jtanSis1]

I just tell myself that I can be stronger than my own inner demons and it doesn't bother me then.

 

[soleil]

Are these things really related to being NF? I know that I have suffered from OCD behavior and extreme social anxiety, especially as a child through adolescence through early adulthood. In highschool, walking through the crowds between classes (and I went to a very small school of just a few high school hundred students overall) would make me *panic* and get too excited so I would repeat numbers to "calm myself down" --> this is actually an OCD behavior. Even as a child though, for a period I would cough in threes or clear my throat repeatedly and it became noticeable to adults around me and they had me stop it.

OCD behavior at its root is an extreme need to control your environment and to go through motions of having control when in reality you don't have it or you don't feel you have it and moreover, you KNOW that eveyrone else knows that you know that they know that you don't have control. It's sick.

As for hearing voices or metaphysical fears -- I suffered from night terrors as a child. I would always wake up in a sweat in the middle of the night with teh covers over my head PARALYZED and unable to move. I would panic because I was smothering under my blanket. I would muster up all my energy and kick out my legs and that would usually cure it.

Night terrors/paralysis is actually quite common especially in childhood and most people confuse it with 'astral projection' or 'possession' or other exotic things.

I also had horrific nightmares but I think that's associated with and normal with experiencing trauma and/or abuse as a child, so again, not unusual in context.

As a child once or twice I heard voices and found no person to attach with the voice, but again, isn't this normal for childhood? Also, I think I could explain it with something logical, like I was hearing another conversation floating over and mistook it for someone speaking to me.

Just another perspective.

You took the words right out of my mouth. I experienced all the things you mentioned.

 

[Skyward]

When I was younger I used to be very sensitive to what I saw the previous day. I would get horrible nightmares if I saw a scary show (Or even Bugs Bunny, the episode where he meets Jekyll and Hyde). I had the classic 'monsters under the bed' but this was more of a cannibal gremlin which I saw in a too-real dream while sleeping on the floor.

A book my librarian read to my class for Halloween made me afraid of my closet for years. I had to keep my head covered at night or I would imagine it as a giant greening face with ugly teeth.

I also had a recurring nightmare that had an extreme foreboding mood to it. Like the wastelands of Hell, but not to that extreme.

My dad has a story of when I was a baby he was dreaming of a demon on my crib, he felt it was a nightmare until he hear what he thought was my soul cry out for help. At this is rushed to my room and prayed and prayed until he didn't feel the dark spirit in the room. He's an INFJ.

As for OCD, I have a habit where I tap my fingers and make invisible 'layers' on the desk or whatever and I do what I can to keep it even. I don't do it often anymore.

 

[Clownmaster]

You took the words right out of my mouth. I experienced all the things you mentioned.

and i'll be the 3rd person on that bandwagon to have experienced CzeCze's post identically.

 

[Silent Stars]

According to most people, I have no imagination. However, I do have an insanely good, albeit very weird, imagination...I just can't consciously control it.

 

[speculative]

I have not hallucinated for at least 20 years. When I was a small child though, I would see things that weren't there now & then. For example, at night I would see my mom come into my doorway to check on me, but then she wasn't there. These weren't dreams, because I'd get up out of bed and wake her up and ask if she just came to check on me. I had very vivid dreams as a kid, but could definitely tell which where dreams and which happened when I was awake at that age.

I had one instance where I was dreaming, then when I woke up I saw my dream being played out on a TV-like screen on the wall of the bedroom for about 3-4 seconds after I woke up, then it faded.

In another instance, I woke up, got scared, looked down the hallway, and got up out of bed and ran around the foot of the bed and down the hallway and "BAM" right into the wall. The hallway was actually the opposite direction of the way I ran. There was just a bit of reflection of light from the real hallway that was falling again the wall where I had been looking, but I could actually see down the hallway to the stairs at the end when I awoke by looking at the wall.

Other instances where I was definitely awake was where I would see my dad during the day. For example, I'd see him come up out of the basement, then go through the porch and outside. I'd go outside to look for him but he wouldn't be there, and my mom would say he was still in town.

I did used to sometimes see blue flashes of light during the day, but they were very brief and intermittent and were a rarity. Interestingly, I would sometimes see this exact same blue flash (right down to the shape, hue, and layers of color intensity from blue to white) in dreams in various connotations, usually in conjunction with explosions.

 

[kyuuei]

My over active imagination never ceases to amaze me.

I'm often concerned on whether or not people will think I'm unintelligent/crazy/paranoid because of it.