[Fe] Fe and how it works

[onemoretime]

I dunno guys, I feel like I've responded to so many of these Fe threads from a Fe-doms perspective only to get told "I do that too!" by a non-Fe user that these are almost pointless. Either Fe users use Fe in a way that is particular to them or anyone can do Fe.

OK, here's one: Going to Whole Foods Market and noticing everyone is bringing their own grocery bags.

What is NOT Fe: Using one because everyone else has one.

What is - bringing one because a friend asked you to bring one along, "for me".

 

[proteanmix]

What is - bringing one because a friend asked you to bring one along, "for me".

I pulled that from the center of my ass. Extrapolate as you will.

No..Fi asks itself how it would feel in this situation and transfers it to the other person with the right adjustements based on context and background of the person. That's like typical of Fi. So yet again, I'm still looking for an answer to those original questions I posed.

I no longer have distinguishing Fe-specific experiences/responses because I don't recognize them any more and the ones I thought were seem not to be. I mean what I can I say? I do that too. I ask myself how would I feel in a situation.

 

[Fidelia]

From what I can see, Fe is more concerned with making others feel comfortable, even when you'd rather not, and it expects others to do the same and gets on them when they don't. Fi is more individualistic and about being true to yourself and giving others the space to do the same. To Fe users, that can seem moody/selfish or uncaring at times. To Fi users, Fe seems a little pushy and cohearsive/manipulative.

 

[Moiety]

I like how we haven't gotten any actual answers. People agree that what has been described isn't descriptive of Fe... but we get nothing to go on.

I'm sure we're smart enough to realize what the dominant function does and all that, but you can still define what a function fundamentally does. And yes I read what you put Lauren Ashley, but that is just a bit too broad. Fe use is much more than what you described...

So... yeah. I've literally never seen an answer to this question, what Fe exactly is in MBTI terms. The threads ALWAYS get derailed, get turned into Fe bash fests, and/or turn into fluff/flirting.

I would like to understand what Fe users think of Fe and how they would describe it.

I do share Fidelia's thoughts on Fe. That's how I see it too.

Fe is a function I struggle a lot with in real life...I wanna be nice...but not at the expense of my very well defined context-independent values.

Just....group mentality in itself is something that bugs me.

 

[entropie]

Fe is a function I struggle a lot with in real life...I wanna be nice...but not at the expense of my very well defined context-independent values.

Just....group mentality in itself is something that bugs me.

I think being Fe in public doesnt exclude individuality.

It takes some development of your own self in life until you reach the point at which you may think you can safely say know to be confident with yourself, but when you did, you can be the nicest person to everyone: but from your own perspective.

 

[Orangey]

Somehow I get the feeling that Fe is like how I act when I'm a bit drunk- I respond nicely and socialize in an active and friendly way, but I don't actually care (in a personal sense) about the other person. Meaning, I like them just fine in the context in which we are conversing, and I respect them as people, but I just don't really care about them on a deeper level. Not that I might not care about them on a deeper, more personal level in the future, or that I don't think that they deserve that kind of caring, but I just don't care about them like that at the moment. Yet, that doesn't stop me from engaging in some pretty wonderful conversations and interaction.

 

[entropie]

Somehow I get the feeling that Fe is like how I act when I'm a bit drunk- I respond nicely and socialize in an active and friendly way, but I don't actually care (in a personal sense) about the other person. Meaning, I like them just fine in the context in which we are conversing, and I respect them as people, but I just don't really care about them on a deeper level. Not that I might not care about them on a deeper, more personal level in the future, or that I don't think that they deserve that kind of caring, but I just don't care about them like that at the moment. Yet, that doesn't stop me from engaging in some pretty wonderful conversations and interaction.

spur of the moment, exactly ! It's not good and it's not evil, it's like this song:

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5j46uSKiYI"].[/YOUTUBE]

It needs some time to develop and then it goes boooooom like an explosion and then it ends for the time being.

Everything after that, if it should come to after that, with a person, is the real gettin to know each other.

 

[Fidelia]

Hehe - yeah I never thought about it that way, but you're right. The Fi users I know only interact enthusiastically with or go way out of their way for those that they feel intensely about. And the other people, it's sort of hit and miss depending on how they are feeling right then. For me, I will seem more impersonally caring in a general sense, but it may not indicate deeply felt emotion on my part. But Orangey summed it up perfectly - better than I could.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Somehow I get the feeling that Fe is like how I act when I'm a bit drunk- I respond nicely and socialize in an active and friendly way, but I don't actually care (in a personal sense) about the other person. Meaning, I like them just fine in the context in which we are conversing, and I respect them as people, but I just don't really care about them on a deeper level. Not that I might not care about them on a deeper, more personal level in the future, or that I don't think that they deserve that kind of caring, but I just don't care about them like that at the moment. Yet, that doesn't stop me from engaging in some pretty wonderful conversations and interaction.

When I am Fe-ing, I really do care about the other person. Every person leaves an indelible and individual mark on me. I suppose I could also do the light socializing and pleasantries, but to me that's very superficial and banal. Although this just might be me and the way I approach it, with the narrowing and focusing influence of Ni leading.

 

[Orangey]

When I am Fe-ing, I really do care about the other person. Every person leaves an indelible and individual mark on me. I suppose I could also do the light socializing and pleasantries, but to me that's very superficial and banal. Although this just might be me and the way I approach it, with the narrowing and focusing influence of Ni leading.

I mean that I don't care about the other person in the sense that I don't know (or want to know) about their deepest feelings, secrets, or what have you. I just enjoy and respect them as a person during the moments of interaction, and I go from there. If I want to get to know them on a deeper level afterward, I will. But that's not required for me to be nice and enthusiastic during interaction (though for me, as an INTP, alcohol is almost always required, or else I'm not open to anybody, close or not ).

 

[proteanmix]

From what I can see, Fe is more concerned with making others feel comfortable, even when you'd rather not, and it expects others to do the same and gets on them when they don't. Fi is more individualistic and about being true to yourself and giving others the space to do the same. To Fe users, that can seem moody/selfish or uncaring at times. To Fi users, Fe seems a little pushy and cohearsive/manipulative.

I suppose this is the simplest way to explain Fe that doesn't bring a bunch of assumptions and stereotypes about how it manifests itself.

Somehow I get the feeling that Fe is like how I act when I'm a bit drunk- I respond nicely and socialize in an active and friendly way, but I don't actually care (in a personal sense) about the other person. Meaning, I like them just fine in the context in which we are conversing, and I respect them as people, but I just don't really care about them on a deeper level. Not that I might not care about them on a deeper, more personal level in the future, or that I don't think that they deserve that kind of caring, but I just don't care about them like that at the moment. Yet, that doesn't stop me from engaging in some pretty wonderful conversations and interaction.

I don't know what to say about on a deeper level part. The concept of there being billions of people on this planet and not being able to care about each one like they're a family member or friend does not escape me.

I care about human rights and being treated with the respect and dignity all humans deserve by virtue of them being living creatures. I care about victims of natural disasters or people that are victims of circumstance (losing jobs because of the depression and the consequences of that), I care that Americans are dying of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, violent crimes, I care that there are genocides, and corrupt governments abusing their citizens, I care that there's a International Pillow Fight Day...I mean what do you mean when you say "deeply"? These are things that are on my radar, but do I care deeply as in they predominate my being? No, I care that I'm always late for work, deeply. I don't see a person on the subway or the person in the line in front of me and the grocery store and get overwhelmed with feelings of abiding love for them, I don't think I'd be very functional. So I'm not sure what you mean when you see not care for them deeply and what the relation of that is to Fe, could you explain?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I mean that I don't care about the other person in the sense that I don't know (or want to know) about their deepest feelings, secrets, or what have you. I just enjoy and respect them as a person during the moments of interaction, and I go from there. If I want to get to know them on a deeper level afterward, I will. But that's not required for me to be nice and enthusiastic during interaction (though for me, as an INTP, alcohol is almost always required, or else I'm not open to anybody, close or not ).

But I do, I really do. That is my main motivation. People will be surprised by the info I mention to them years later, they say "You remember that?" This is why I loathe small talk and I'm not good at it at all; I want to go deeper than that and it's sometimes too much for people.

Anyway, this is clearly an individual thing since the other FJs said they can relate to what you wrote.

 

[entropie]

But I do, I really do. That is my main motivation. People will be surprised by the info I mention to them years later, they say "You remember that?" This is why I loathe small talk and I'm not good at it at all; I want to go deeper than that and it's sometimes too much for people.

Anyway, this is clearly an individual thing since the other FJs said they can relate to what you said.

Everyone cares about the person he speaks too, even Fe users. But you need to draw a line somewhere cause you cant be Jesus. And either you are not INFJ or you havent found out yet what it means to preserve ones own sanity.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Everyone cares about the person he speaks too, even Fe users. But you need to draw a line somewhere cause you cant be Jesus.

Speak for yourself.

Kidding.

I'm not trying to be Jesus. That's why I began "When I am Fe-ing..." Because I don't, most of the time. I'm very introverted so I don't do excessive socializing. When I do put forth the effort to engage someone, it is not shallow.

And either you are not INFJ or you havent found out yet what it means to preserve ones own sanity.

I've noticed there are INFJ subtypes. But that's another thread.

When you figure out how to preserve sanity, let me know.

 

[entropie]

I maybe an old bad fart that's for sure, but I am maybe socializing more heavily too yes.

+ I am an asshole.

So what did I want to say ? I have no clue, you do go on here

 

[proteanmix]

But I do, I really do. That is my main motivation. People will be surprised by the info I mention to them years later, they say "You remember that?" This is why I loathe small talk and I'm not good at it at all; I want to go deeper than that and it's sometimes too much for people.

Anyway, this is clearly an individual thing since the other FJs said they can relate to what you wrote.

This may be a Fe-dom vs. a Fe-aux difference, of course with the usual caveat that I can only speak for myself. Since I cast my net wider, my feelings (I guess if you want to call it Fe I don't know anymore) are more generalized and diffuse.

When I worked at National Air and Space Museum and I would deal with literally hundreds of people per day, I could not get deep down in it with every person I came across. Now that I'm at an office job, I can afford to get deeper with people if I want because it's fewer people and that can happen. Do I want to get deep down in it with all those people? Not really, but the ones I have decided to do that with I have. In a more one on one situation with people I have a genuine relationship with it's concentrated and no longer diffuse.

 

[Orangey]

I don't know what to say about on a deeper level part. The concept of there being billions of people on this planet and not being able to care about each one like they're a family member or friend does not escape me.

I care about human rights and being treated with the respect and dignity all humans deserve by virtue of them being living creatures. I care about victims of natural disasters or people that are victims of circumstance (losing jobs because of the depression and the consequences of that), I care that Americans are dying of heart disease, cancer, diabetes, violent crimes, I care that there are genocides, and corrupt governments abusing their citizens, I care that there's a International Pillow Fight Day...I mean what do you mean when you say "deeply"? These are things that are on my radar, but do I care deeply as in they predominate my being? No, I care that I'm always late for work, deeply. I don't see a person on the subway or the person in the line in front of me and the grocery store and get overwhelmed with feelings of abiding love for them, I don't think I'd be very functional. So I'm not sure what you mean when you see not care for them deeply and what the relation of that is to Fe, could you explain?

All I mean to say is that knowing a person in the most intimate way, and having a personally significant relationship is not necessary to interacting in an enthusiastic way. I don't need to feel that the person is my best friend, or that the person really really likes me, or that the person has something in common with me and is therefore special in my estimation in order to have good interaction. Perhaps I am mis-characterizing Fi and Fe, but that's what I thought (at least as regards my own behavior) Fe looked like.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

This may be a Fe-dom vs. a Fe-aux difference, of course with the usual caveat that I can only speak for myself. Since I cast my net wider, my feelings (I guess if you want to call it Fe I don't know anymore) are more generalized and diffuse.

Yes, I think that's part of it. I think Orangey's example applies well to ExFJs. After all, they are the mixers and socialites. But, I do know IxFJs that seem considerably "lighter" than I do. So what I said may just apply to some INFJs, or only me. Lighter is probably not the best word to use, but I hope you understand what I mean.

 

[proteanmix]

All I mean to say is that knowing a person in the most intimate way, and having a personally significant relationship is not necessary to interacting in an enthusiastic way. I don't need to feel that the person is my best friend, or that the person really really likes me, or that the person has something in common with me and is therefore special in my estimation in order to have good interaction. Perhaps I am mis-characterizing Fi and Fe, but that's what I thought (at least as regards my own behavior) Fe looked like.

No this sounds right for me, thank you for clarifying. I can shoot the breeze and have a good time with people I just met and will never see again and that interaction is enjoyable to me as well.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I have been really watching my wife(ENFJ) and how she interacts and I am really starting to understand Fe and what it is. Fe is the ability to drive emotions into others. If you hurt them they are experts at making you feel bad. Its like they drive feelings in you to try to make you want to do something, not always something for you, but to kinda light a fire under your ass. The things is that they go for feeling, but stop at that, there is no making it up to Fi or with Si. With my wife she goes for making me feel bad, but wont allow me to do anything to make it up, because she wants me to do what I want to do. Its like I just want you to feel this way about what you did, but I wants you to continue to do it anyway because thats what you wanted to do.

Its like they blow up because of something but wont actually put there foot down and physically take control of a situation. Hopefully this does not offend any ENFJ/INFJ types. It is just what I have seen.

haha. she sounds so enfj. my neighbor is enfj. i have to take her in small doses. she is the neighborhood watchdog. not that they all are, mind you. but definitely multi-tasker extraordinaire.

maybe she just wants to vent and make you understand what she's feeling? my istp husband can't help but try to jump right to fixing it. he gets what i'm saying before i'm done ranting, and has already used his Ti to come up with a solution. so when i stop to take a breath, he switches in to solution mode. but i don't want him to fix it. i want him to simply understand and validate. that's it. i can fix it myself after i vent it. after i vent it, i can move to understand it. all i want from him is to actively listen.

So tell us the essence of it. I'd love to hear from Fe-users how they experience Fe, how they apply it, how it is part of them, what makes you use it, why do you rely on it and how, what the depth of Fe is and how you experience that depth, how it makes you as a person feel to use it etc.

i can try. i am an aux Fe and i'm still fairly new to mbti. i just focus on people. my focus is people and i notice their body language so i can tell how they are feeling. i subconsciously take in their inflection or tone to clue me in to how they might be feeling. what they say means something and i while i might forget or not hear details of what someone is saying, i am taking the essence of them in on a deeper level and just feeling them almost. i don't know why i use it. by now, i am used to how it feels. i align myself with the person i am speaking with, or interacting with, and i focus all of my energy on them. i can completely tune everything else out, and do. i notice nothing else. you have my complete attention, when i am at my norm or best, that is. it is very trustworthy for me, but sometimes i can use intuition too loosely and make false assumptions with Fe. i feel it very deeply. i use Te too (aux/tert) but it feels efficient and methodical and tiring. using Fe feels intense and personal. i am fatigued after spending a few hours with someone one-on-one. even in a crowd i single someone out for one-on-one conversation because i hate small talk.

i can manipulate with it, sometimes unintentionally. sometimes i can think i know better than someone what they need, especially someone not in tune with their feelings/emotions. then i can use Fe subtley to manipulate someone into a course of action. i didn't really know i did this until i thought about it after i discovered the Fe function and reading about it on here. i try not to do this anymore, but it can be almost a habit sometimes. not majorly, but in little ways.

Somehow I get the feeling that Fe is like how I act when I'm a bit drunk- I respond nicely and socialize in an active and friendly way, but I don't actually care (in a personal sense) about the other person. Meaning, I like them just fine in the context in which we are conversing, and I respect them as people, but I just don't really care about them on a deeper level. Not that I might not care about them on a deeper, more personal level in the future, or that I don't think that they deserve that kind of caring, but I just don't care about them like that at the moment. Yet, that doesn't stop me from engaging in some pretty wonderful conversations and interaction.

this is insightful and you get an A for effort but i don't recognize this as Fe, for me, at all. i absolutely care, and i care intensely in that moment. my whole world in that moment is that one other person and as long as they are talking about something real, i am immensely into it and them, but if it's too much work, or they are small-talkers, i'm gonna be nice but go find someone more interesting to talk to.