User Tag List

First 56789 Last

Results 61 to 70 of 102

  1. #61
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    If I know the person somewhat well, a simple acknowledgment like "Hey," is fine. All the queries like "What are you doing this weekend? and "Did you hear the thunder last night?" are highly unnecessary, to me. But that's just me; idle chatter bugs me to no end.
    Why do you think it's idle? Would I be better off asking how many people you've slept with?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  2. #62
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Why do you think it's idle? Would I be better off asking how many people you've slept with?
    It's idle because it serves no purpose besides being cordial and/or opening up to more meaningless conversation. No offense intended; I actually see this as a negative on my part that I can't engage with people on this level since so many do. People comment on my unbelievable "coldness/rudeness" irl. But I don't want to waste time and energy discussing such matters when I could be doing something more important.

  3. #63
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    924
    Posts
    244

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    From what I can see, Fe is more concerned with making others feel comfortable, even when you'd rather not, and it expects others to do the same and gets on them when they don't. Fi is more individualistic and about being true to yourself and giving others the space to do the same. To Fe users, that can seem moody/selfish or uncaring at times. To Fi users, Fe seems a little pushy and cohearsive/manipulative.
    I've never heard it put that way before. Finally, an explanation that really clicks! To other people, I might seem to have become more Fe over the years, but I think that I actually just have healthier Fi (after years of hefty self-work). So, now I'm really good at expressing empathy for someone's universal needs... but also better at maintaining an emotional buffer distance... and I'm still comfortable telling someone if I think that a behavior is ethically wrong (and why), but now I only bother if it would make a difference.

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    No this sounds right for me, thank you for clarifying. I can shoot the breeze and have a good time with people I just met and will never see again and that interaction is enjoyable to me as well.
    I can have an enjoyable conversation in a checkout line. I'm usually busy in my head, but I'll gladly accept an opportunity if one presents itself. (I recently discussed local experimental vs. folk pop bands with a stranger in a line for a restroom at a club.) However, I'll do it the Fi way by fidelia's description.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  4. #64
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    It's idle because it serves no purpose besides being cordial and/or opening up to more meaningless conversation. No offense intended; I actually see this as a negative on my part that I can't engage with people on this level since so many do. People comment on my unbelievable "coldness/rudeness" irl. But I don't want to waste time and energy discussing such matters when I could be doing something more important.
    Further down the rabbit hole: why is it meaningless? You get as much meaning out of it as you put in. It has to start somewhere, right?
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  5. #65
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,364

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    It's idle because it serves no purpose besides being cordial and/or opening up to more meaningless conversation. No offense intended; I actually see this as a negative on my part that I can't engage with people on this level since so many do. People comment on my unbelievable "coldness/rudeness" irl. But I don't want to waste time and energy discussing such matters when I could be doing something more important.
    I still to this day come off as cold (as per people's descriptions of my style of interaction) because I am often thinking about something and don't notice or remember that I have to be cordial. In those instances, I think, "why the hell should I be bothered wasting my mental time and energy talking about nonsense with this person, even for a moment?" Then I remember what it's like to be on the receiving end of such treatment, and what it means in a broader sense when I'm ignored or treated as though I don't exist. Then I apply that principle to my interactions with people, and remind myself that it does matter that I be cordial, because it could have implications and meanings that extend far beyond my own intentions.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  6. #66
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Further down the rabbit hole: why is it meaningless? You get as much meaning out of it as you put in. It has to start somewhere, right?
    I don't know if I mentioned this in this thread yet, but I'm not very interested in mundane events. I mainly like to discuss abstract topics, "in-depth" issues, or topics not directly related to what's happening now or what happened yesterday. So talking about anything that happens in everyday life is meaningless to me because I place no significance on them.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I still to this day come off as cold (as per people's descriptions of my style of interaction) because I am often thinking about something and don't notice or remember that I have to be cordial. In those instances, I think, "why the hell should I be bothered wasting my mental time and energy talking about nonsense with this person, even for a moment?" Then I remember what it's like to be on the receiving end of such treatment, and what it means in a broader sense when I'm ignored or treated as though I don't exist. Then I apply that principle to my interactions with people, and remind myself that it does matter that I be cordial, because it could have implications and meanings that extend far beyond my own intentions.
    The bolded: exactly. But I don't really care if someone doesn't engage me in this kind of discussion. I'm not interested anyway. It's not that they have to be ignoring me, but just not coming at me with all these questions that serve no purpose.

  7. #67
    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Enneagram
    1w2
    Posts
    5,514

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    I don't know if I mentioned this in this thread yet, but I'm not very interested in mundane events. I mainly like to discuss abstract topics, "in-depth" issues, or topics not directly related to what's happening now or what happened yesterday. So talking about anything that happens in everyday life is meaningless to me because I place no significance on them.
    I'm not trying to be a jerk with my questions so please bear with me.

    I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this tons of times, but how do you get into those topics you prefer discussing without some opening? How do you gauge someone's willingness to do "in depth" issues if you don't see a point because it's meaningless to you? From what you're saying I'm getting mixed message. If I were to walk up to you and we've had no prior contact and say "I've been watching you over the last few months, but purposefully not interacting with you" and then launch into an abstract topic of your absolute delight then you are doing that Fe thing that Orangey mentioned. You didn't need the "deep" interaction in order for you to be interested. It's just a matter of content with you, not the interaction itself.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
    Interpersonal Communication Theories and Concepts
    Social Penetration Theory 1
    Social Penetration Theory 2
    Social Penetration Theory 3

  8. #68
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,364

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    It's not that they have to be ignoring me, but just not coming at me with all these questions that serve no purpose.
    But I'm saying that there's not much that they could say that wouldn't be uninteresting to me as a topic of conversation. It then comes down to the choice of either asking me something polite but uninteresting, or not saying anything at all. Even a "hey" or a nod are going to occupy some amount of my mental time and energy. So it comes down to a choice between the two.

    I'm wondering what type of brief, cordial interaction would be intellectually interesting and worth my mental time and energy, because I can't imagine it, even if it does exist. The other option is of course to do what proteanmix mentions and just launch into an intellectually interesting conversation without any of this cordiality that we've been talking about, but I don't think that goes down well with most other people, and it sort of wouldn't work with stuff like brief elevator or hallway meetings. It requires too much time. And I'm often not willing to devote my mental space to such invasions by others unless I'm in the mood (i.e., drunk) or they're my friend, like I mentioned earlier.
    Artes, Scientia, Veritasiness

  9. #69
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4 sx/sp
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    3,067

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    I'm not trying to be a jerk with my questions so please bear with me.

    I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this tons of times, but how do you get into those topics you prefer discussing without some opening? How do you gauge someone's willingness to do "in depth" issues if you don't see a point because it's meaningless to you? From what you're saying I'm getting mixed message. If I were to walk up to you and we've had no prior contact and say "I've been watching you over the last few months, but purposefully not interacting with you" and then launch into an abstract topic of your absolute delight then you are doing that Fe thing that Orangey mentioned. You didn't need the "deep" interaction in order for you to be interested. It's just a matter of content with you, not the interaction itself.
    Not a problem.

    To the bolded: I would probably look at you like . And it's not what Orangey mentioned because it's not friendly, impersonal interaction on my part. I do engage in idle chatter sometimes, but only when truly necessary. And when I do it's slightly painful for me. Seriously.

    When I'm getting to know someone I ask about their passions, aspirations, etc. Not what they did last weekend.

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I'm wondering what type of brief, cordial interaction would be intellectually interesting and worth my mental time and energy, because I can't imagine it, even if it does exist.
    That's right, there isn't one. Which is why I shun brief, cordial interaction.

  10. #70
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    924
    Posts
    244

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I'm wondering what type of brief, cordial interaction would be intellectually interesting and worth my mental time and energy, because I can't imagine it, even if it does exist.
    I've found that food and music are highly personal topics of superficial conversation, with infinite variation and real emotional significance. People love to share their favorite recipes, how it went with the new dish that they tried the other day, their favorite kind of music, how the bands were this weekend at the club, etc.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

Similar Threads

  1. Memory: its faultiness, and how it defines your identity.
    By Mycroft in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 02-09-2013, 10:13 PM
  2. The temptation of Se and how it relates to archetypical people
    By Venom in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-03-2011, 04:40 AM
  3. [NF] Authenticity - and how it applies to the NFP
    By Santosha in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 39
    Last Post: 06-20-2011, 03:11 PM
  4. Forward thinking - and how it relates to type?
    By TenebrousReflection in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 11-20-2007, 01:06 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO