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  1. #61
    Senior Member Uytuun's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    Actually, I think "make up sex?" as a question would go down quite well with an ENFP male .
    You, my friend, are not helping the stereotypes perpetuated in this thread.

    Do ENFPs even like grand gestures and like...great romantic intensity?

  2. #62
    triple nerd score poppy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    So after all this time, and now that we're just back to amicable coworkers, I hear through the grapevine in the office that he does indeed have a gf, but it's unsure how serious the relationship is. Which means he had a gf the whole time he was going out with me and kissing me. She lives a few hours away, which I realize is why he always goes to that city once/twice a month. And this is why he never liked to call our dates "dates" claiming that word was TOO SERIOUS. Pieces finally coming together...
    That's pretty low. I had an ENTP friend of mine do almost the same thing to me.

    To confront or not to confront? Is it worth it at this point? How would you go about it?
    Should I contact the GF to confirm if it's true?

    He leaves the country on vacation in a week for a whole month, so it would be my last opportunity before he returns from his trip.

    ENFP's and their DAMN GGS syndrome. Screw that...
    I sort-of confronted my ENTP about his having a girlfriend, by casually asking "how's your girlfriend?", much to his surprise. Since then he's avoided me, and on the occasions we have talked it's been quite forced and listless. Confronting him is probably a good way to ensure he doesn't express interest in you again. As others have said you probably won't get an admission of guilt or any attempt to make amends from him, so if you'd be satisfied to simply air your grievances, I don't see anything wrong with bringing his behavior to his attention in whatever way you see fit.

    In my experience, just trying to ignore the fact that you feel you've been wronged isn't a long term solution. Eventually it'll come up again.
    "There's no need to be embarrassed about it, Mr. Spock. It happens to the birds and the bees!"

  3. #63
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    Kalach, Lethe, and Uytunn make some good points, though I disagree with the potential situation of making unfixable grievances sound fixable. Tell him you have some things to say, try and talk in a more secluded place, be upset if you want to. Word things closer to 'you make me think/feel/percieve . . .' rather than 'you are . . . ' If you make him feel obligated to respond, you will get relatively poorer responses. If you want a response, do not make him feel like all you care about is getting your word out.

    dont ask the make-up sex question, just surprise him 1-36 hours after the conversation for best effect

    Quote Originally Posted by Litvyak View Post
    Do I care? Not for one second.
    thats fine

    Quote Originally Posted by Uytuun View Post
    Do ENFPs even like grand gestures and like...great romantic intensity?
    yes / especially (only?) when it is personal / private

    assuming he still texts / calls you, continuing to ignore him will continue to hurt him

  4. #64
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lamp View Post
    Kalach, Lethe, and Uytunn make some good points, though I disagree with the potential situation of making unfixable grievances sound fixable. Tell him you have some things to say, try and talk in a more secluded place, be upset if you want to. Word things closer to 'you make me think/feel/percieve . . .' rather than 'you are . . . ' If you make him feel obligated to respond, you will get relatively poorer responses. If you want a response, do not make him feel like all you care about is getting your word out.
    agreed.
    dont ask the make-up sex question, just surprise him 1-36 hours after the conversation
    you don't even want make up sex...why is this part of the conversation...maybe i missed it.

    thats fine
    totally.

    yes / especially (only?) when it is personal / private
    totally..yep
    assuming he still texts / calls you, continuing to ignore him will continue to hurt him
    he's probably confused if he's still doing that yeah...you should tell him what's up.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  5. #65
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lamp View Post
    though I disagree with the potential situation of making unfixable grievances sound fixable.
    Fixable as in improving the current issues for the future. What has already happened shouldn't be overlooked. If things were impossible to be improved on, I'm not sure the ENFP would be interested in trying. (Make the grievances sound reasonable.)
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
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    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by noigmn View Post
    Unless ENFPs are really comfortable they won't open up.
    I usually open up some when people get emotional, as long as their emotions are more passionate and less draining

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    you don't even want make up sex...why is this part of the conversation...
    its not being considered as a option but I felt like addressing it

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    he's probably confused if he's still doing that yeah...you should tell him what's up.
    If she wants to be malicious, let her. life is chaos, violence, desperate struggle

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    If things were impossible to be improved on, I'm not sure the ENFP would be interested in trying. (Make the grievances sound reasonable.)
    I am unsure that I totally follow you but if thescientist dupes the ENFP into giving her a helpful response when she actually does not want to improve anything, and the ENFP realizes this, the whole thing will make thescientist appear less genuine.

  8. #68
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lamp View Post

    its not being considered as a option but I felt like addressing it
    oh i see...makes sense to me then

    If she wants to be malicious, let her. life is chaos, violence, desperate struggle
    sure yeah...i think she should just be however she feels about it yeah.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #69
    Obsession. Lethe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lamp View Post
    I am unsure that I totally follow you but if thescientist dupes the ENFP into giving her a helpful response when she actually does not want to improve anything, and the ENFP realizes this, the whole thing will make thescientist appear less genuine.
    My advice is entirely up to thescientist to choose what works best for her. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't bother with a confrontation if I preferred not to improve the current situation. It's fairly pointless, IMO. Most Js like things to be constructive and to the point.
    "I cannot expect even my own art to provide all of the answers -- only to hope it keeps asking the right questions." -- Grace Hartigan

    Enneagram: Tritype - 1w9, 5 (balanced wings), 2w3; Overall Variant: So/Sx
    SLOAN: rCoa|I|
    Functional Preferences: Ni, Te/Fi, Ti, Se, Fe, Si, Ne


    Quote Originally Posted by OneWithSoul View Post
    Looking into the eyes of a [Ni user] is like peeking through a portal into a parallel universe.

  10. #70
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lethe View Post
    I wouldn't bother with a confrontation if I preferred not to improve the current situation.
    So why give the illusion that something is fixable when the confrontation already implies such a thing? hm was the 'fixing' comment only in reference to past events? . . . makes sense now.
    Though, I cannot imagine fixing past events (understanding/clarifying, yes).

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