[Jungian Cognitive Functions] INFJ crazy attraction to Sensors

[Wellspring]

So I am an INFJ, and most of my close friends are either NF or NT. I enjoy these types' society most. However, when we come to romantic territory things get a bit complicated.

I just have this inexplicable physical attraction to 'sensing' people – mainly SJ's. I don’t even have to like the guy very much, but all the same my body reacts as if it has recognized a soul mate. Fireworks, butterflies in stomach, blood rush. You name it. (Not of course with every sensor – that would be hard seeing that most people are that…but my greatest crushes are always sensors.)

This is very frustrating because, from my experience, relationships with these guys don’t tend to work out well – let's face it, the communication style is frequently the kind you can expect between an earth dweller and a Martian. There are brief flare-ups, falling head over heels, but it can never last. And I usually know it from the beginning. Because, as I said, it's not like we have deep friendship and intense discussions before the falling-for-him part – my body just takes command and make my brain shut up. Sometimes, even we are totally over, my body still gives me signals when I see the previous crush.

The worrying thing is that, except for one ENTP, I never felt great physical chemistry with NEs – I love them, cherish them, befriend them, admire them – but physical attraction is hard. On the other hand, the sensors are bad news for me.

The reason I think it's related to my being an INFJ is that our inferior function is SE. Can it be that I somehow try to compensate for that by linking myself romantically to one with sensing preference? A case of trying to find somebody 'to complete me'? (Ugh, I so hate this terminology…)

Any impute will be welcome.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

The reason I think it's related to my being an INFJ is that our inferior function is SE. Can it be that I somehow try to compensate for that by linking myself romantically to one with sensing preference? A case of trying to find somebody 'to complete me'? (Ugh, I so hate this terminology…)

Well, are you also attracted to SPs? Because they are the types that use Se as their main perception function, not SJs, who use Si.

The worrying thing is that, except for one ENTP, I never felt great physical chemistry with NEs – I love them, cherish them, befriend them, admire them – but physical attraction is hard. On the other hand, the sensors are bad news for me.

NPs excite my mind first. Physical attraction usually follows afterwards.

To answer the main question, I've been physically attracted to and dated ISxPs in the past. They are very sexy, I'll give you that.

 

[Wild horses]

I think alot of NFs experience this.. it is crazy and asyou say it seems particularly aimed at SJs more than the other S types

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

So I am an INFJ, and most of my close friends are either NF or NT. I enjoy these types' society most. However, when we come to romantic territory things get a bit complicated.

I just have this inexplicable physical attraction to 'sensing' people – mainly SJ's. I don’t even have to like the guy very much, but all the same my body reacts as if it has recognized a soul mate. Fireworks, butterflies in stomach, blood rush. You name it. (Not of course with every sensor – that would be hard seeing that most people are that…but my greatest crushes are always sensors.)

This is very frustrating because, from my experience, relationships with these guys don’t tend to work out well – let's face it, the communication style is frequently the kind you can expect between an earth dweller and a Martian. There are brief flare-ups, falling head over heels, but it can never last. And I usually know it from the beginning. Because, as I said, it's not like we have deep friendship and intense discussions before the falling-for-him part – my body just takes command and make my brain shut up. Sometimes, even we are totally over, my body still gives me signals when I see the previous crush.

The worrying thing is that, except for one ENTP, I never felt great physical chemistry with NEs – I love them, cherish them, befriend them, admire them – but physical attraction is hard. On the other hand, the sensors are bad news for me.

The reason I think it's related to my being an INFJ is that our inferior function is SE. Can it be that I somehow try to compensate for that by linking myself romantically to one with sensing preference? A case of trying to find somebody 'to complete me'? (Ugh, I so hate this terminology…)

Any impute will be welcome.

well, if it were strictly an Se fetish you would predominantly find yourself attracted to estps (the really bad boys). are you mainly attracted to introverts? i think it's interesting to figure out the function you like to see most in other guys. Si? Se? Ti? Fi?

for me it's Ti/Se. and it's introverted guys usually, but not always. there is an entj that i find appealing and that i've always had 'energy' with. honestly, the more i get to know him, the less i am attracted to him though. it seems to be the opposite for istps. the more i get to know them, the harder i want to dig to know them, and on and on, deeper and deeper. i find them to be an enigma that drives me on. same with estps. i'm initially pretty attracted to their Se, but their ego and incessant talking...well, it's not for me.

 

[Wellspring]

Thanks for the replies!

Lauren: I know that about Se for SP, Si for SJ. That's why I specified sensors and not Se people. It's just that I usually fall for J's - possibly because I don't come across a lot of SP's. And it's definitely the extrovert ones who wreak havoc with me. Coming to think of it, introvert sensors are more likely to have a crush *on me* than vice versa. So yeah, the culprits tend to be ESXJs

 

[Lauren Ashley]

Lauren: I know that about Se for SP, Si for SJ. That's why I specified sensors and not Se people. It's just that I usually fall for J's - possibly because I don't come across a lot of SP's. And it's definitely the extrovert ones who wreak havoc with me. Coming to think of it, introvert sensors are more likely to have a crush *on me* than vice versa. So yeah, the culprits tend to be ESXJs

Ah. Well, I can't relate. Not attracted to ESxJs. I don't think this is related to your type; it's probably an individual thing.

 

[Totenkindly]

I don't have a lot to add except that I noticed a long time ago that a high proportion of INFJ female friends of mine seemed to date a preponderance of SP guys... It was extreme enough to catch my attention and make me take note.

 

[cafe]

I have much more of a geek fettish and I like the rumpled, distracted Columbo thing and have a near instant aversion to men who have a tendency to direct others. So no SJ fettish here.

OTH, I have a strong need to feel secure. The thing for ESJs could be a different expression of a need for security because they have a thing for stability, etc. Could it be something like that?

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I have much more of a geek fettish and I like the rumpled, distracted Columbo thing and have a near instant aversion to men who have a tendency to direct others. So no SJ fettish here.

Same. Geeks float my boat. NTP ftw?

 

[cafe]

Same. Geeks float my boat. NTP ftw?

Oh yeah.

 

[karenk]

I'm not aware of having of ever felt a strong attraction to SJs. In fact ESxJs are the type I like least and that is basically in the realm of impossible. I'm not sure why, but I notice a pattern of ISFPs having interest. Now that I think of it they also either tested as enneagram 9s or it was just my best guess. From what I've read 9s like 4s but I'm not sure. I haven't noticed any particular reaction with ESTPs except for only one that I worked with was older than me and told people in the office he had a huge crush on me. Well it was just kind of weird because we seemed so different. Other than that I get a vibe ESTPs find me boring or something similar. I find NTPs attractive.

 

[Thalassa]

So I am an INFJ, and most of my close friends are either NF or NT. I enjoy these types' society most. However, when we come to romantic territory things get a bit complicated.

I just have this inexplicable physical attraction to 'sensing' people – mainly SJ's. I don’t even have to like the guy very much, but all the same my body reacts as if it has recognized a soul mate. Fireworks, butterflies in stomach, blood rush. You name it. (Not of course with every sensor – that would be hard seeing that most people are that…but my greatest crushes are always sensors.)

This is very frustrating because, from my experience, relationships with these guys don’t tend to work out well – let's face it, the communication style is frequently the kind you can expect between an earth dweller and a Martian. There are brief flare-ups, falling head over heels, but it can never last. And I usually know it from the beginning. Because, as I said, it's not like we have deep friendship and intense discussions before the falling-for-him part – my body just takes command and make my brain shut up. Sometimes, even we are totally over, my body still gives me signals when I see the previous crush.

The worrying thing is that, except for one ENTP, I never felt great physical chemistry with NEs – I love them, cherish them, befriend them, admire them – but physical attraction is hard. On the other hand, the sensors are bad news for me.

The reason I think it's related to my being an INFJ is that our inferior function is SE. Can it be that I somehow try to compensate for that by linking myself romantically to one with sensing preference? A case of trying to find somebody 'to complete me'? (Ugh, I so hate this terminology…)

Any impute will be welcome.

I'm an xNFP and very attracted to SPs. I think it can last. I've had a LTR with a Sensor.

In Socionics your "dual" would be an ESTJ.

I think sometimes people are attracted to what they're missing - like they can learn from the other and vice versa.

I'm attracted to NTs too, but I'm very attracted to SPs to a point where it's noticeable. I don't think it's freakish, and I think there's a possibility it could work if you found the right guy.

 

[Wellspring]

Cafe: Needing to feel secure is the short version of my life story. Now, HOW in the world have I missed that point? *slapping myself on the head*

EsXJs are actually in the habit of telling me, in all kinds of ways, "as long as I am here, nothing gonna harm you". I once told a guy jokingly that 'he was my guardian angel' (we were coworkers, and he was really good at watching my back) and he responded, totally serious: 'it's the best job I've ever had'...

Now, on paper I find it somewhat cringe worthy. Plus, I am kinda feminist and object to the idea of me needing a guy to protect me. On the other hand…yeah, Sensors, especially ESXJs, irritate me, don't understand me, can't sympathize with many things important to me, but they make me feel SAFE.

Not that I will EVER admit it to them.

 

[cafe]

LOL. Well, there is a good reason it popped into my head. I had a mostly pleasant, but pretty unstable childhood. My SJ grandma was my port in the storm. I absolutely could always depend on her, no matter what.

My husband, despite the NTP thing is very stable, dependable, fairly predictable, and Horton loyal. Which is great because I really, REALLY don't like bad surprises!

FWIW, I think the awareness can help you find someone who is compatible and meets that need for security.

 

[scortia]

I've never been attracted to any type of Sensor. NT first, then xNFPs.

 

[dnivera]

Beware, the artistic SP guy may seem like an NF at first - he may be trendy, eco-conscious, progressive, have certain musical tastes, dress in an alternative kind of way, etc, but may actually just be keeping up with the Joneses. SP in a NF shell?

I (SJ) am often attracted to NF guys but don't click with them naturally. The conversation doesn't flow as well.

 

[something boring]

*bump*

As I think back over my distant relationship past, I was very strongly attracted to men who would probably fall into an ESxx category. Two examples come to mind, most likely they were ESTP and ESFP. Both were volatile relationships that ended rather catastrophically (I learned a lot, though). I tend to like NTs better in relationships, but the attraction built slower, whereas it felt purely chemical with ES types. I don't think I've ever dated an ENT, though. Actually, I'm not sure I've ever met one.

 

[ReadingRainbows]

I like good people regardless of type.

 

[Phantonym]

I like good people regardless of type.

Exactly.

 

[jixmixfix]

well, if it were strictly an Se fetish you would predominantly find yourself attracted to estps (the really bad boys). are you mainly attracted to introverts? i think it's interesting to figure out the function you like to see most in other guys. Si? Se? Ti? Fi?

for me it's Ti/Se. and it's introverted guys usually, but not always. there is an entj that i find appealing and that i've always had 'energy' with. honestly, the more i get to know him, the less i am attracted to him though. it seems to be the opposite for istps. the more i get to know them, the harder i want to dig to know them, and on and on, deeper and deeper. i find them to be an enigma that drives me on. same with estps. i'm initially pretty attracted to their Se, but their ego and incessant talking...well, it's not for me.

ya that's right...you love it.