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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren View Post
    I can relate to being attracted to SP individuals because (I've given this some thought) of their ability to take care of the details of life that I could care less about and they provided a sense of stability were attractive to me, at first. In the long term, though, the S/N divide caused communication problems that could not be overcome, though I still love both these men and enjoy talking with them. I agree with the bolded--I'm deeply attracted to and have feelings for an NF or NT now. The connection was instant and the physical chemistry incredible. NFs, or at least for the two of us, there is that awkwardness that you mention, and it has gone on for a long period of time. Both of us are mutable and fluid (he more fluid than I). For two NFs or Ns, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling (who tells whom first that they are attracted or have feelings) but once it does, I feel it would be incredible. Deep sigh. I'm comfortable around Ss and I enjoy their ability to be in the moment and pay attention to the things that make the world work. But in a relationship, I won't do it again. The feeling of stability isn't worth the emotional desert that I found myself in.
    yes yes yes . . . it's as if i could've written it myself. a quick way i say it to myself in my head is "if i really need to be the one to manage my own bills & do household chores for the rest of my life . . . well i think i can handle that . . . it's just not a ton of fun . . . but to think of living the rest of my life with a partner that will never truly understand my depths or doesn't have a desire to go in deep with me / or finds my sensitivity a nuisance etc etc . . . now that is heartbreaking . . . well actually i've lived it- was with an isfp for 9 years but now am with an INFJ . . . my heart feels much more satiated.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by revolve View Post
    yes yes yes . . . it's as if i could've written it myself. a quick way i say it to myself in my head is "if i really need to be the one to manage my own bills & do household chores for the rest of my life . . . well i think i can handle that . . . it's just not a ton of fun . . . but to think of living the rest of my life with a partner that will never truly understand my depths or doesn't have a desire to go in deep with me / or finds my sensitivity a nuisance etc etc . . . now that is heartbreaking . . . well actually i've lived it- was with an isfp for 9 years but now am with an INFJ . . . my heart feels much more satiated.
    Ditto for my in that I could have written this myself as well. I finally had to had to tell my ex husband (an ISTP; I was with him also for about 9 years) that the way he showed his love for me wasn't a way that I cared about, or needed (this was difficult as I knew that that was his way of showing love). It was paternal, in essence. Which might be OK for many people, just not for me. I told him what I needed many times but he just couldn't give it. I can so relate to the bolded. Even if my friend and I don't enter into a full-blown romantic relationship, what I've had with him already has been worth every moment of heartache (longing). We have a bond which is unlike any I've experienced--a depth of connection, a straight path to one another's heart. I'm glad for you that you found someone better for your heart.

  3. #33
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I've never cared for dismissing someone over the S/N divide because I've never found it to really be a problem... looking at people as individual people and realizing that even if your natural styles are different, communication differences can be worked out if you have a bit of patience makes quite a bit of difference there

    Of course I tend to see a pattern a lot on the site (especially with the SPs) that ExxPs and IxxJs seem to have some sort of crazy attraction for each other... I'll admit- the quiet sensibility of IxxJs is maddeningly drool worthy

    and SJs are hot as well... I have one, he's awesome... and I've drooled over them in the past as well
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    I've never cared for dismissing someone over the S/N divide because I've never found it to really be a problem... looking at people as individual people and realizing that even if your natural styles are different, communication differences can be worked out if you have a bit of patience makes quite a bit of difference there

    Of course I tend to see a pattern a lot on the site (especially with the SPs) that ExxPs and IxxJs seem to have some sort of crazy attraction for each other... I'll admit- the quiet sensibility of IxxJs is maddeningly drool worthy

    and SJs are hot as well... I have one, he's awesome... and I've drooled over them in the past as well
    Sure, I don't dismiss someone over the S/N divide (as a friend). My friends, though, have almost always been Ns. But the S is something to consider in relationships, I feel, for me at least. You're right, communication styles can definitely be worked out but in my case I found I was doing most of the work whereas my husband didn't want to make the effort to understand where I was coming from, in my view, most of the time. I was doing most of the understanding, most of the reaching out and trying to connect, to do the emotional work which he didn't have must interest in (and was met with no response, most of the time). I understand that attraction to SPs (not SJs for me). I do appreciate that he naturally dealt with life mostly in the present and didn't dwell on what could have been or what was to come. I did find that soothing to me because it brought me out of my head. It wasn't easy to leave him because, despite our differences, we had a few areas where we had good common ground. But my well ran absolutely dry with no hope of a spring to feed it. No offense intended toward SP or SJs at all.

  5. #35
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    Something else I've thought about in my attraction to S men: my grandfather, whom I was very close to, and my father were both Ss. My brother an ENFP or ENTP (I'm also close to him). My grandfather worked with his hands, was very much a Mr. fix-it, and a gardener. My ex-husband had the same interests and talents. I know you gravitate toward what you're familiar with, even if it's not good for you. I'm just very much aware now of the realistic difficulties in an S relationship---my ex-husband and I were very close in many ways and still couldn't make it work because of the S/N differing communication styles and needs.

    I remember reading about the relationship of Charles Lindbergh and his wife, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. She was a writer and they spent many years flying together. The article said essentially that, as a writer, she loved having time to dream and write in solitude and that flying with her husband took its toll on her because his nature was very different than her's (he likely an S, she an N). My ex-husband was very outward oriented in this way in his free time, and it was exhausting to me after a time.

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