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[Jungian Cognitive Functions] INFJ crazy attraction to Sensors

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
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I can relate to the OP. My ESTJ made me feel extremely looked after and cared for. He was very reliable, good at figuring things out, extremely capable at anything he set his mind to, and wanted to learn how to do things himself. He took care of the detail things that I hated doing. My ISTJ dad is somewhat the same. We also have some overlapping values. On the other hand, communication styles are completely different and most of the things I care to talk about and vice versa are completely unrelatable. I wouldn't recommend it in some regards, but in other ways NFs and SJs make an excellent team.
 

Thalassa

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sx
I'm an NF and I don't know that I've ever felt physical chemistry with an NF male (though there may have been one...) though I have been attracted to NTs. My longest relationships have all been with xSFx guys, I swear, and this goes all the way back to high school.

I don't think it's crazy at all, and I wouldn't worry too much that you can't make a LTR work with an SJ or an SP. A lot of the compatibility stuff is bullshit, and even people who seem *really* into MBTI agree that it's bullshit. Compatibility is a very individual thing. SJs, in a general sense, have stabilizing influence and that can actually be good for serious relationship, ya know.
 

Thalassa

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Ha ha I just noticed that I replied to this thread almost a year ago, and said something similar.

:laugh:
 

Rebe

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I like caveman types A LOT - stp/ntj - i don't like 'em cute pretty boys
 

Vasilisa

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so/sx
I also find myself attracted to ISTJ guys. I only noticed this trend in retrospect because throughout my life I don't think I had a type really (MBTI or otherwise) except that I always liked men who were kind. I honestly considered if my ISTJ attraction had to do with my upbringing or something. The trouble is when I am with them I can't tell if as my partner they are unable to fulfill me emotionally or if my emotional needs are simply unfulfillable.
 

something boring

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tangent, sorry

I like good people regardless of type.
Doesn't everyone?



Anyway, relationships are a subjective matter. What one person looks back on with a smile, another may have considered sheer and all-consuming hell. I think I've most likely dated a variety of different types, as most people probably have. While I'm sure that the bad relationships were bad at their core, and for reasons unrelated to type, I can certainly see how type may have created challenges that otherwise would most likely not have been present. For example, one of the aforementioned exes constantly asked me with near hatred, "Why can't you just live in the real world?!?". Certainly, the hatred was based on something entirely different from type, but the question, ultimately; was most likely type related, he lived in the here and now, demanded immediate results, and needed specific examples to understand what was going on. I'm sure that with concerted effort over a long period of time, this could have been resolved, if the relationship had been based on something solid, or if both people had actually cared. I can only speculate about type in terms of most of my exes anyway, the only one who ever took the test was INFP. I can't say that I've ever had a particular "type" in any sense of the word, I tend to like people for what makes them unique, and I'm usually attracted to personality traits rather than physical features. The two examples I listed before were the ones I can think of that the attraction was instant, it hit before I knew who they were. It was something about their mannerisms, the way those two carried themselves and interacted with the world that got to me, but with both, I hadn't a *clue* who they *really* were until it was too late. Perhaps that's what attracted me to them in the first place.

I can't tell if as my partner they are unable to fulfill me emotionally or if my emotional needs are simply unfulfillable
This resonates within me in this context, and others...


I honestly considered if my ISTJ attraction had to do with my upbringing or something.
An additional concept to consider might be that ISTJs tend to outnumber some of the other types in the world, so you could be more likely to meet them than some other types.


Ha ha I just noticed that I replied to this thread almost a year ago, and said something similar.
:laugh: There's something to be said for consistency, right?
 
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the state i am in

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there's desirability and then there's energy.

growing up, i've always been attracted to esfps. they're so in their body, i always like 7ws6s (their enthusiasm and energy are the perfect foil to my 5w4 gravity and fascination with darkness), and we usually have complimentary skills, desire for new experiences (though mine are mental vs physical). it's very grounding, and the presence of Se brings me back into the world and puts me in my body.

as far as desirability goes, enfps win for me easily. i'm attracted to their sense of style, their imagination, and their feminine aura (anima animus). usually very active and energetic. i don't know any so/sp enfps, mainly so/sx and sx/so. i've never actually dated an enfp, but i can sense that there is more awkwardness for a period with two N doms, especially who are both F types.

energy isn't JUST about being in your body, it's also in how you communicate. i think balancing the sx/sp/so instincts are just as important as N vs S in physical chemistry. probably more so. sp types are distant, so types are more companionable, and sx types are more piercing. energy is not just about being in your body and feeling physically awake. it's also about desiring and communicating desire.

i also like infp 4w5 style. i like Ne imagination, how it creates new possibilities all the time. a huge advantage Ne women have, i find, is that they seem like they make themselves new, update, change, all the time.

the most natural energy high i've ever felt was probably with an entp woman. i don't think i've ever felt so directly challenged, which is exciting.

the gender thing changes the equation. i think it takes more time to warm up to an F man or a T woman. they're still a further deviation from the norm, which generally means it takes a little longer to learn to like it and appreciate its strengths.
 

Charmed Justice

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Jul 22, 2009
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I've always had something of an Se fetish, particularly when combined with Ti. I find practicality and realism grounding, and I prefer long-standing relationships and stability, which perhaps have seemed more promising from types less prone to dreaminess.
 
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something boring

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wow, this got long. Sorry.

the most natural energy high i've ever felt was probably with an entp woman. i don't think i've ever felt so directly challenged, which is exciting.

I think that the sprinkling of ESTPs in my past is the closest I've come to this feeling, probably because I'm pretty sure I've yet to meet an ENTP in offline life. I've had a tendency in life to surround myself mainly with people with whom I had very little in common, but to only really open up to those who seemed to "get me", they were people with whom I had much in common; mainly NFs and NTs. I know only a small handful of Ns offline, though, and that's probably part of it. I was thinking about it today and I decided that the most likely explanation for their numbers is the challenge they present. I was also thinking that maybe it's a subconscious effort to improve weak Se... Anyway, I think the first thing that attracts me to them is that they are fully alive and in the moment. I've had... um... days of that, but it's certainly not a regular occurrence. Additionally, the ones I knew were quick talkers, and I love that. They always knew what to say to make me laugh. Of course, the other side of that is knowing exactly where to thrust the proverbial emotional knives later. Not to mention someone who seems to be constantly mad at you for "living in the clouds". I think maturity is a huge factor, though.
 
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Lauren

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there's desirability and then there's energy.

as far as desirability goes, enfps win for me easily. i'm attracted to their sense of style, their imagination, and their feminine aura (anima animus). usually very active and energetic. i don't know any so/sp enfps, mainly so/sx and sx/so. i've never actually dated an enfp, but i can sense that there is more awkwardness for a period with two N doms, especially who are both F types.

energy isn't JUST about being in your body, it's also in how you communicate. i think balancing the sx/sp/so instincts are just as important as N vs S in physical chemistry. probably more so. sp types are distant, so types are more companionable, and sx types are more piercing. energy is not just about being in your body and feeling physically awake. it's also about desiring and communicating desire.

i also like infp 4w5 style. i like Ne imagination, how it creates new possibilities all the time. a huge advantage Ne women have, i find, is that they seem like they make themselves new, update, change, all the time.

the most natural energy high i've ever felt was probably with an entp woman. i don't think i've ever felt so directly challenged, which is exciting.

the gender thing changes the equation. i think it takes more time to warm up to an F man or a T woman. they're still a further deviation from the norm, which generally means it takes a little longer to learn to like it and appreciate its strengths.

I can relate to being attracted to SP individuals because (I've given this some thought) of their ability to take care of the details of life that I could care less about and they provided a sense of stability were attractive to me, at first. In the long term, though, the S/N divide caused communication problems that could not be overcome, though I still love both these men and enjoy talking with them. I agree with the bolded--I'm deeply attracted to and have feelings for an NF or NT now. The connection was instant and the physical chemistry incredible. NFs, or at least for the two of us, there is that awkwardness that you mention, and it has gone on for a long period of time. Both of us are mutable and fluid (he more fluid than I). For two NFs or Ns, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling (who tells whom first that they are attracted or have feelings) but once it does, I feel it would be incredible. Deep sigh. I'm comfortable around Ss and I enjoy their ability to be in the moment and pay attention to the things that make the world work. But in a relationship, I won't do it again. The feeling of stability isn't worth the emotional desert that I found myself in.
 

revolve

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I can relate to being attracted to SP individuals because (I've given this some thought) of their ability to take care of the details of life that I could care less about and they provided a sense of stability were attractive to me, at first. In the long term, though, the S/N divide caused communication problems that could not be overcome, though I still love both these men and enjoy talking with them. I agree with the bolded--I'm deeply attracted to and have feelings for an NF or NT now. The connection was instant and the physical chemistry incredible. NFs, or at least for the two of us, there is that awkwardness that you mention, and it has gone on for a long period of time. Both of us are mutable and fluid (he more fluid than I). For two NFs or Ns, it can be difficult to get the ball rolling (who tells whom first that they are attracted or have feelings) but once it does, I feel it would be incredible. Deep sigh. I'm comfortable around Ss and I enjoy their ability to be in the moment and pay attention to the things that make the world work. But in a relationship, I won't do it again. The feeling of stability isn't worth the emotional desert that I found myself in.

yes yes yes . . . it's as if i could've written it myself. a quick way i say it to myself in my head is "if i really need to be the one to manage my own bills & do household chores for the rest of my life . . . well i think i can handle that . . . it's just not a ton of fun . . . but to think of living the rest of my life with a partner that will never truly understand my depths or doesn't have a desire to go in deep with me / or finds my sensitivity a nuisance etc etc . . . now that is heartbreaking . . . well actually i've lived it- was with an isfp for 9 years but now am with an INFJ . . . my heart feels much more satiated.
 

Lauren

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yes yes yes . . . it's as if i could've written it myself. a quick way i say it to myself in my head is "if i really need to be the one to manage my own bills & do household chores for the rest of my life . . . well i think i can handle that . . . it's just not a ton of fun . . . but to think of living the rest of my life with a partner that will never truly understand my depths or doesn't have a desire to go in deep with me / or finds my sensitivity a nuisance etc etc . . . now that is heartbreaking . . . well actually i've lived it- was with an isfp for 9 years but now am with an INFJ . . . my heart feels much more satiated.

Ditto for my in that I could have written this myself as well. I finally had to had to tell my ex husband (an ISTP; I was with him also for about 9 years) that the way he showed his love for me wasn't a way that I cared about, or needed (this was difficult as I knew that that was his way of showing love). It was paternal, in essence. Which might be OK for many people, just not for me. I told him what I needed many times but he just couldn't give it. I can so relate to the bolded. Even if my friend and I don't enter into a full-blown romantic relationship, what I've had with him already has been worth every moment of heartache (longing). We have a bond which is unlike any I've experienced--a depth of connection, a straight path to one another's heart. I'm glad for you that you found someone better for your heart.
 

miss fortune

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I've never cared for dismissing someone over the S/N divide because I've never found it to really be a problem... looking at people as individual people and realizing that even if your natural styles are different, communication differences can be worked out if you have a bit of patience makes quite a bit of difference there :)

Of course I tend to see a pattern a lot on the site (especially with the SPs) that ExxPs and IxxJs seem to have some sort of crazy attraction for each other... I'll admit- the quiet sensibility of IxxJs is maddeningly drool worthy :drool:

and SJs are hot as well... I have one, he's awesome... and I've drooled over them in the past as well :wubbie:
 

Lauren

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I've never cared for dismissing someone over the S/N divide because I've never found it to really be a problem... looking at people as individual people and realizing that even if your natural styles are different, communication differences can be worked out if you have a bit of patience makes quite a bit of difference there :)

Of course I tend to see a pattern a lot on the site (especially with the SPs) that ExxPs and IxxJs seem to have some sort of crazy attraction for each other... I'll admit- the quiet sensibility of IxxJs is maddeningly drool worthy :drool:

and SJs are hot as well... I have one, he's awesome... and I've drooled over them in the past as well :wubbie:

Sure, I don't dismiss someone over the S/N divide (as a friend). My friends, though, have almost always been Ns. But the S is something to consider in relationships, I feel, for me at least. You're right, communication styles can definitely be worked out but in my case I found I was doing most of the work whereas my husband didn't want to make the effort to understand where I was coming from, in my view, most of the time. I was doing most of the understanding, most of the reaching out and trying to connect, to do the emotional work which he didn't have must interest in (and was met with no response, most of the time). I understand that attraction to SPs (not SJs for me). I do appreciate that he naturally dealt with life mostly in the present and didn't dwell on what could have been or what was to come. I did find that soothing to me because it brought me out of my head. It wasn't easy to leave him because, despite our differences, we had a few areas where we had good common ground. But my well ran absolutely dry with no hope of a spring to feed it. No offense intended toward SP or SJs at all.
 

Lauren

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Something else I've thought about in my attraction to S men: my grandfather, whom I was very close to, and my father were both Ss. My brother an ENFP or ENTP (I'm also close to him). My grandfather worked with his hands, was very much a Mr. fix-it, and a gardener. My ex-husband had the same interests and talents. I know you gravitate toward what you're familiar with, even if it's not good for you. I'm just very much aware now of the realistic difficulties in an S relationship---my ex-husband and I were very close in many ways and still couldn't make it work because of the S/N differing communication styles and needs.

I remember reading about the relationship of Charles Lindbergh and his wife, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. She was a writer and they spent many years flying together. The article said essentially that, as a writer, she loved having time to dream and write in solitude and that flying with her husband took its toll on her because his nature was very different than her's (he likely an S, she an N). My ex-husband was very outward oriented in this way in his free time, and it was exhausting to me after a time.
 
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