[MBTI General] xNFx fidelity

[Charmed Justice]

Couldn't say "always faithful" because I did cheat once on a LD boyfriend by kissing another guy. I do consider kissing cheating, so I voted "occasionally unfaithful", although I think that option is a gross exaggeration of my reality.

In my adult life, I have never cheated but don't place the act of cheating any higher up on my morality scale than say, lying in general, or repetitively breaking laws, or cussing me because you're angry.

 

[JohnDoe]

Lol, I didn't realize "casual" cheating was excluded from the poll.

I've never cheated by any definition. But what I wanted to exclude was the following case:

Meet someone, start a relationship with them (while intending to break up with the person your currently in a relationship with at the next feasible opportunity), and end the relationship with the person you were seeing at the soonest possible opportunity. I don't consider that cheating because I don't believe that you have to have someone else's permission/have delivered the message to be considered broken up. So I really just wanted to exclude a (quite rare) case where you meet someone and you immediately know that your dating the wrong person. Excluding that case (or even including it), I think INFJ's would cheat statistically significantly less then most others.

 

[cafe]

I haven't ever cheated. I can't imagine doing so. However, there have been times when I felt . . . under-appreciated, etc and began to find myself attracted to others. I think that that kind of thing will happen from time to time in the course of a long relationship and it is not a signal that you should end your current relationship, but rather an indication that you need to put more attention/communication into the relationship or at least be aware that it's a vulnerable time.

 

[Faine]

I think INFJ's would cheat statistically significantly less then most others.

I don't think it is a good idea to try and say that one type would be more or less likely to cheat than another. Values, morals, feelings and thoughts aside, there are an infinite number of paths life can take and differing circumstances can change the way one might normally react to a situation. No doubt there are cheaters for every type, INFJs included. I understand where you are coming from because as INFJs we do seem to have a deep-rooted sense of loyalty once someone places their trust in us, but I just don't feel it's wise to make broad assumptions based on type.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I don't think it is a good idea to try and say that one type would be more or less likely to cheat than another. Values, morals, feelings and thoughts aside, there are an infinite number of paths life can take and differing circumstances can change the way one might normally react to a situation. No doubt there are cheaters for every type, INFJs included. I understand where you are coming from because as INFJs we do seem to have a deep-rooted sense of loyalty once someone places their trust in us, but I just don't feel it's wise to make assumptions based on type.

I agree with this sentiment.

EDIT: Although the trend in the polls of Ne-doms being "occasionally unfaithful" or "rarely faithful," a bit more than the other N types, is in accordance with my experiences of these types.

 

[Gloriana]

I can only speak for myself in that I've never cheated. I was in a position where I almost broke up with my ex-husband before we were married, but even then I just didn't "see" other guys in that way. When I'm in a relationship, I'm IN it, if I'm having problems with my mate I'm thinking about how to solve them between the two of us, not looking to find something 'better'. I guess I always think that something 'better' could be in the future for my mate and I if we work at it.

My ex cheated on me, he didn't have all that much to say for himself save "I didn't plan for this to happen, it's just the way it happened" and all of that. I could rant up and down about 'right' and 'wrong' but it just seems to be this polarized outlook on things. I think some people (like my ex) see cheating as something that just HAPPENS and can't be controlled, whereas others see it as a clear conscious choice.

 

[secondhandsight]

When I'm in a relationship, I'm IN it, if I'm having problems with my mate I'm thinking about how to solve them between the two of us, not looking to find something 'better'.

This is exactly it for me. Discomfort/vague unhappiness
is a cue to try to engineer a better relationship. Only
when all reasonable (which for your average INFJer, probably
= prolonged and extensive) efforts have been made by
both sides (usually despite Ni insistence that it can't work
anyway), vague becomes very pointed, and a previously
very closed mind to other peoples' attributes is suddenly
free to wander, i.e. by the time this happens there is
no going back.

 

[CzeCze]

I said I would start this parallel poll when I posted in the 'NT Fidelity' thread but I was hoping someone else would because the thought of making all those boxes.... Good looking out Tink!

I have never cheated physically with someone and I've had the opportunity to be the 'other woman' 2x and refused 2x.

Even the concept of 'feeling unappreciated or unhappy' and therfore turning to another for solace is foreign to me. When I'm frustrated with a situation or person, my focus on 'us' merely intensifies. I'm in it to win it. I'd leave (or wait for the person to dump me first) before cheating.

I also don't enter into pacts I know I don't want to keep. It's either monogamous dating or dating where we are both free to see other people.

I am also very cognizant of the concept of emotional cheating.

There is a lot of human weakness that I identify with cheating and while I exemplify certain aspects of human shortcomings (over others), not when it comes to romantic fidelity.

There have been some other threads on cheating that I've comented in and I think my sentiments remain the same. Don't be selfish, don't be weak, don't hurt someone in ways you yourself would not want to be hurt or hurt someone because you can't understand what it feels like.

Having seen more cheating in my life, I think sometimes cheating IS just a 'one time thing' or an anomaly and something that can be worked on and resolved if the cheater really wants to resolve it. But usually it is a habit or a symptom of a chronic issue. And I truly believe that some people are just prone to cheating, period. I'm not going to extrapolate this into type, just thinking about the people I have seen in life who are guilty of cheating.

 

[Biaxident]

I can only speak for myself in that I've never cheated.

My ex cheated on me, he didn't have all that much to say for himself save "I didn't plan for this to happen, it's just the way it happened" and all of that.

HOLY SH... !!

That's exactly what my ex wife called to tell me. She wanted a divorce, and was seeing someone else. While I was out of state looking for a job.

 

[Faine]

HOLY SH... !!

That's exactly what my ex wife called to tell me. She wanted a divorce, and was seeing someone else. While I was out of state looking for a job.

Ouch.

I suppose you could say that falling for someone is something that 'just happens', but actually acting upon it is something that seems like a choice to me. I don't know, maybe it's different for different people, but to me it just seems like those who claim it was out of their control are trying to avoid blame or guilt.

 

[Biaxident]

Ouch.

I suppose you could say that falling for someone is something that 'just happens', but actually acting upon it is something that seems like a choice to me. I don't know, maybe it's different for different people, but to me it just seems like those who claim it was out of their control are trying to avoid blame or guilt.

Damn straight....

 

[ergophobe]

I've never cheated by any definition. But what I wanted to exclude was the following case:

Meet someone, start a relationship with them (while intending to break up with the person your currently in a relationship with at the next feasible opportunity), and end the relationship with the person you were seeing at the soonest possible opportunity. I don't consider that cheating because I don't believe that you have to have someone else's permission/have delivered the message to be considered broken up. So I really just wanted to exclude a (quite rare) case where you meet someone and you immediately know that your dating the wrong person. Excluding that case (or even including it), I think INFJ's would cheat statistically significantly less then most others.

Actually the only NF I know who cheated had a similar experience. An INFJ too (so much for INFJs cheating less). Sorry dude, in my book - that is cheating. If the other person hasn't been informed, it's cheating. You're still in the relationship until the other person has been informed otherwise. This is a slippery slope - for example, how long after you've started seeing the new person would it be okay to tell the not-yet-ex? Couldn't anyone then use this excuse of - well, it was really over for me but I hadn't told you yet? It sounds like this could easily be exploited for trying out something else while still hanging on to what is. It doesn't matter whether it was over in one's mind or not, it's about being honest and fair to the other person.

In most cases, this happens because the person who decides to cheat is too much of a coward to tell the not-yet-ex that it's over.

I definitely see it as a choice and a question of personal integrity. There are some things you just don't do to another human being, no matter how strong the temptation. This is one of them.

 

[Bougal]

I know an ENFJ snake that just left her husband of 24 years for another man she has been having an affair with. She can't even come close to doing better than her husband.

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I've never cheated by any definition. But what I wanted to exclude was the following case:

Meet someone, start a relationship with them (while intending to break up with the person your currently in a relationship with at the next feasible opportunity), and end the relationship with the person you were seeing at the soonest possible opportunity. I don't consider that cheating because I don't believe that you have to have someone else's permission/have delivered the message to be considered broken up.

If the other person hasn't been informed, it's cheating. You're still in the relationship until the other person has been informed otherwise.

Lol, yeah I totally missed that part. In what world is it not cheating to begin a new relationship while you are already in one? Just end one relationship before beginning another. It's really rather simple.

 

[Wild horses]

This is another case where the term 'faithful' needs to be clearly defined... man, if masturbation can be classed as cheating by some we need to get this thing nailed down!

 

[Lauren Ashley]

This is another case where the term 'faithful' needs to be clearly defined... man, if masturbation can be classed as cheating by some we need to get this thing nailed down!

Just ignore Syn. You know, he's not human and all.

 

[ergophobe]

Really?

I think this is conflating two different issues - both could potentially involve dissatisfaction with the current relationship.

Infidelity necessarily involves a third person and the problem is dishonesty.

I have trouble seeing self-love as unfaithfulness. It could be part of a perfectly healthy relationship. It could also be a sign that things aren't working out for one person. Either way - it doesn't imply infidelity.

 

[Wild horses]

I really struggle seeing self-love as unfaithfulness too... don't oprah and dr. phil say you can't really anyone to love you until you love yourself... or something like that

 

[CzeCze]

I remember I was so let down by ENFPs when there was another 'cheating' thread and apparently ENFPs have a 50/50 chance of cheating. I think it really depends on the ENFPs relationship to Fi.

Fi can be a double edged sword in this case. Either the ENFP has an internal value system which says, "Cheating is NO NO NO!" Or else Fi says, "Do what feels good and right"

I said it in the NT Fidelity thread, but I think ENXPs are soooo good at rationalizing and making excuses and basically pretending to engage people in 'real discourse' but basically digging their heels in and arguing their point until blue in the face.

I try not to be judgemental of cheaters, but I know how intense and loyal I get to people and I know the sting first hand of infidelity. It is fucking CRUSHING.

Being such a "sensitive" and "Fi intense" person, it's just really hard for me to reconcile the fact that some people know how much hurt they are causing others by cheating but do it anyways - especially habitually.

I've decided that the next person who cheats on me will get their car "mysteriously trashed". Oh, you think I'm kidding but I'm not. I'll consider it "karma" and we'll be even.

I've also realized that some people are just prone to cheating. It's like being an alcoholic - you may never touch another drop of liquor for the rest of your life but you will always be alcoholic.

I also know that sometimes people slip up and they reform and feel truly sorry. And things end "happy ever after" or as much as it will. So in my mind I do make that distinction. But when I think "cheater" it means "habitual cheater"

 

[SciVo]

CzeCze, I heard something once that had the resonance of a deep truth: unless a cheater wants to end a relationship, they will never give a coherent explanation of "Why?!?" because the answer in their heart is always "I deserved it, biatch."