User Tag List

View Poll Results: How sexually faithful are you when in an relationship

Voters
68. You may not vote on this poll
  • ENFJ - Always faithful

    5 7.35%
  • ENFJ - Occationally been unfaithful

    0 0%
  • ENFJ - Rarely faithful

    0 0%
  • ENFJ - Never faithful

    0 0%
  • ENFP - Always faithful

    13 19.12%
  • ENFP - Occationally been unfaithful

    6 8.82%
  • ENFP- Rarely faithful

    0 0%
  • ENFP - Never faithful

    0 0%
  • INFJ - Always faithful

    24 35.29%
  • INFJ - Occationally been unfaithful

    0 0%
  • INFJ - Rarely faithful

    0 0%
  • INFJ - Never faithful

    0 0%
  • INFP - Always faithful

    16 23.53%
  • INFP - Occationally been unfaithful

    4 5.88%
  • INFP - Rarely faithful

    0 0%
  • INFP - Never faithful

    0 0%
First 567

Results 61 to 69 of 69

Thread: xNFx fidelity

  1. #61
    Patron Saint Of Smileys Gloriana's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Socionics
    INFJ
    Posts
    950

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Faine View Post
    Ouch.

    I suppose you could say that falling for someone is something that 'just happens', but actually acting upon it is something that seems like a choice to me. I don't know, maybe it's different for different people, but to me it just seems like those who claim it was out of their control are trying to avoid blame or guilt.

    Indeed. My ex was very adept at passing choice-making on to others so that no repercussions could come back on him. He was able to often say it was everyone else's fault and if pushed to take responsibility himself, he would get very caustic and nasty. His defense for cheating and leaving was "I have a right to be happy", but he was putting that happiness on the girl he left me for, he did not assert the needs and wants he had to be happy in our relationship. I think his mentality was "People either make you happy or they don't, it's beyond your own control".

    In his eyes, it was my fault he was unhappy (I.E. it had nothing to do with the fact he did not talk about his needs or wants with me) and so it was easier for him to leave that way I think, he definitely did the demonizing of me after he left. The girl he left me for kicked out her then-boyfriend to take my ex in as well, I think they did the whole "I'm so glad I found someone who has been trapped like I have been!" thing. Tore me to pieces somethin' fierce at the time, but now I can laugh about it. It was the whole "YOU, NOR ANYONE ELSE, CAN STOP OUR LOVE!!!" and it was all very, very dramatic, lol.
    "Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get, but if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you...amazing things will happen" --Conan O'Brien

  2. #62
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    4, 7
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    1,115

    Default

    I think it has something to do with a person's integrity (value system- unrelated to type functions), and how much they value their partners (love, devotion, admiration- how much they cherish their relationship).

    Also, I remember reading in a psychology class that the number of caregivers a person has during their earliest stages of development in infancy influences whether or not a person will tend to be/prefer to be monogamous or non-monogamous in their adult relationships. It's not to say that if a person were to have one consistent caregiver that they tend to be monogamous, but won't cheat.

    Fidelity relates other factors too, in which I think plays in a role in which a persons chooses stay faithful or not- if they're conscientious of their actions in response to how others are treated. I think those who tend to exhibit borderline 'narcissistic' personalities, where everything is 'me' 'me' 'me' NOW (lack of moral/emotional consciousness) do tend to cheat more, because in the act of cheating, they are more likely to depersonalize their romantic partners and easily make excuses such as "We were high." Or "It just happened." They can either rationalize their behavior through their thoughts/feelings, or just be in the moment with it without really considering the other person.

    In other cases- those who feel a need to prove how 'sexy' they are, I think tend to cheat more often than not (because cheating is a form of a personal reward for them- the attention that comes along with it- the perceived desirability).

    Whatever the case is- every action has a cause, effect, consequence. So if a person nonchalantly explains their behavior as a 'mistake,' I highly doubt they weren't 'aware,' because feelings/thoughts are a form of motivation/intent which drive behavior. Not unless they have some kind severe impairment in cognitive behavior- then I think that they can be totally unaware of their actions.

    In other situations, lack of fidelity could be an underlying problem (ex- lack of attention from spouse, lack of chemistry- relationship with commitment w/o love, staleness, or someone who has an overly high libido who has a combination of selfish tendencies). Really depends. I say- "marry the right partner; make smart decisions' because subsequent actions/consequences stem from there.
    Last edited by kiddykat; 09-01-2009 at 02:27 PM. Reason: grammar, added info

  3. #63
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w3
    Socionics
    IEI
    Posts
    1,037

    Default

    I suppose you could say that falling for someone is something that 'just happens', but actually acting upon it is something that seems like a choice to me. I don't know, maybe it's different for different people, but to me it just seems like those who claim it was out of their control are trying to avoid blame or guilt.
    This. Lots of people crush and stuff while in a serious relationship.

    The choice: act upon it, or simply think, "well I'm glad other attractive people are in the world," and move on. The latter takes self control. The first takes lack of commitment.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

    My thoughts on...
    Enneagram:
    Socionics:
    MBTI:

    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  4. #64
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Socionics
    INFj None
    Posts
    9,827

    Default

    And I think there is a big difference between feeling an attraction and cultivating it. If I find someone besides my husband attractive, I go out of my way to avoid them, I don't try to get to know them or see if we can hang out, etc. People cultivate these outside relationships, then act all shocked when they wind up becoming physical.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  5. #65
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    MBTI
    ENFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/so
    Posts
    18,086

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I don't know. Just because a relationship dies doesn't mean you never had anything in the first place or that it couldn't have been saved. Even if you are in love and compatible, relationships require nurture.

    It would stink to realize after the fact that you could have done something if only you'd known your partner was unhappy. If, instead of working on a current relationship, you begin a courtship relationship with someone else, of course your current relationship is doomed.

    If every time you start to feel less than satisfied with your partner, you go out looking for greener pastures, you can expect to leave a lot of broken relationships in your wake. Heck, if I did that, I probably wouldn't have a relationship last longer than my next case of PMS.
    oh i agree...i meant simply that being committed means doing what it takes...communicating and working on issues...i just feel like if someone is unfaithful...to me...it means they weren't truly committed anymore.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  6. #66
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    And I think there is a big difference between feeling an attraction and cultivating it.
    Agreed, it starts in the mind, and can end in the mind if you choose to take control.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #67
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Posts
    2,808

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X View Post
    i just don't think people cheat when they're committed so if they do then they weren't anyway...and to me that...that feeling of disconnect is the reason the relationship is over...the cheating was just a side effect.
    I agree with you in part. But in a long-term relationship, you go through so many ups and downs. You have so many contradictory feelings over the course of decades. If you acted on any of those feelings in the down time, you could cheat. Nonetheless, you may still be committed to your relationship. Look at all the men who cheat on their wives, but statistically speaking, have a very low chance of leaving them. On the other hand, when women cheat, they usually want out. The commitment was already gone.

    There are different levels and types of commitment. Sexual commitment is but one type, and many people put a lot of emphasis on it. Sometimes they put more emphasis on sexual commitment than emotional commitment. It just depends on the person. A person could be sexually committed, but not emotionally committed. Or emotionally committed, but not sexually committed. Or committed to the marriage unit itself, but not to the friendship with their spouse. Some people are not financially committed to their relationship, but are sexually faithful. I personally put no more importance on sexual commitment than any other other aspect of my relationship. Disloyalty is disloyalty. And a big giant lie is a big giant lie imo. I don't demonize people who cheat though, and cheating can be worked through if both people want the relationship after the fact. Cheating, imo, is not the worst someone could do in a relationship, even though it hurts very badly to be lied to.

  8. #68
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    8w7
    Posts
    39

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    So say you've been married for ten years, you've got two or three kids and you are working your rear off 50+ hours a week to support your family for the whole ten years. While you are working your butt off, your wife gets lonely and starts something up with one of your buddies and tells you about it a couple of days after they finally have sex, including the part where she's leaving you. Now you are going to have to continue to work like a dog to pay child support while your buddy is banging your wife and you only get to see your kids every other weekend and you weren't given any say in the matter.

    That's something that you'd be just fine with?
    A marriage with external responsibilities like kids is not just a romantic relationship though. Its also in some respects very much like a business partnership (business: raise the kids). Leaving a relationship at the drop of the hat because you no longer think it is for the best doesn't bother me at all. Leaving a business partnership (such as marriage w/ kids, but not necessarily just marriage) is much more unforgivable because there is more in play then just feelings for someone. I've been trying to draw away from the issue of leaving a spouse with kids that way, because there is more then just feelings of the spouse to be considered there. A marriage is a relationship and a business partnership.

  9. #69
    Badoom~ Skyward's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    MBTI
    infj
    Enneagram
    9w1
    Posts
    1,087

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Agreed, it starts in the mind, and can end in the mind if you choose to take control.
    This is probably where intuitors have their weak spot when it comes to cheating. Ns tend to put a lot more emphasis on their inner world and forget the facts of the outer world. Just because they, mentally, are out of the relationship doesn't mean the other person is. I could see myself doing it, although I've got zero relationship experience and can't contribute anything tangible to this discussion.
    'Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and its better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.' - Marilyn Monroe

    This is who I am, escapist, paradise-seeker.
    -Nightwish

    Anthropology Major out of Hamline University. St. Paul, Minnesota.

Similar Threads

  1. [NT] xNTx fidelity
    By tinkerbell in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 132
    Last Post: 09-29-2010, 01:14 AM
  2. [MBTItm] xSxJ Fidelity
    By tinkerbell in forum The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ, ISFJ, ESTJ, ISTJ)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 08-31-2009, 05:39 PM
  3. [SP] xSxP Fidelity
    By tinkerbell in forum The SP Arthouse (ESFP, ISFP, ESTP, ISTP)
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-31-2009, 02:43 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO