Often times, NFs and NTs are being paired in MBTI forums like they're an ideal pair of some sort, but I'm hardly able to read specifics on how they usually interact. Or is it maybe because NTs find it a bit awkward discussing them. Anyway...
Being born possibly inherently INTP, I have low expectations towards my skills for relationships, in general. I never realistically thought that I would dwell into this realm with a certain degree of enthusiasm until...
NFs started coming.
To make the story short, I was a late bloomer in relationships. My current girlfriend of four years (I'm now 27) is my first legit relationship. She's an ISFJ, and with a pairing like this, communication can be an issue. It's a very healthy relationship, just not the aspect of verbal communication.
In this time frame, I'm able to encounter a couple of NFs. Two INFJs and one ENFJ. One INFJ is significantly older than me so I can't romanticize the interaction. The other INFJ is distant, so I can't work anything on that. The ENFJ one, I'm really close to as of the moment.
Some initial observations.
1. NFJs talks to you in your own N language. They just do. I can't exactly explain it but they somehow send you that, thank-god-I-found-another-intuitive kind of delight. Perks include no more need to worry about making an introduction, because sometimes, they do, and you don't need to force SENSOR yourself. They want to talk with you, N style.
2. They put priority on what they perceive as intelligent men. They value intelligent men probably better than NT men value intelligent women.
3. Though it doesn't mean that if you're an NT, you're easily in luck. They have very thin emotional wall, and if you're not a politically-correct NT, you can easily get yourself into trouble. Better use an auxiliary NF mode if you have developed one. It probably helps in my case being an INTP with a strong F and extroversion because I don't easily get pushy with my opinions, and I can actually be affectionate.
4. If she's entertained with the line of communication, she'll blur the line of friendship and make you feel that you have actual "room for pursuit" within the context of the "friendship." I find this a bit tricky. At least the SFs I know easily projects a friendship wall unless you don't have an initial predatory mode assault. This ENFJ girl blurs that out and persuades me (indirectly or directly) to "push things".
5. I can't say for certain if the flirtation is face-value or the girl is open to the possibility that I may actually do something. Either way, I'm enjoying it though I always look at things from a face value perspective because my current relationship is good and I don't wanna jeopardize it.
6. Because of the girl's "openness", she couldn't maintain a sustained relationship these days. Probably because once a guy becomes her boyfriend, he'll get frustrated that a lot of the girls' guy friends (most probably NFs and NTs), are circling her way too close for the guy's comfort. Eventually, he just gives up.
7. She lives in an ideal set up where she doesn't want to compromise the status-quo of her social life that's defined by the set-up (number 6). She realistically thinks she can have both worlds.
8. She then asked me why I'm the only guy friend that she has that actually still able to enjoy the situation. I said that I'm probably the only one who looks at this flirtation at face value. My emotions are a bit inconsequential. Not that I don't really care, but I can't really romanticize it. I have a relationship of my own to keep. At least that's what I said. I don't end up here as the guy who would eventually lose a girl. But they do.
I see 3 aspects of her emotional disposition in this.
a. when she's alone - she really gets lonely
b. when she's with a lot of friends - she's jolly to the point where she pretends the loneliness doesn't exist.
c. when she's one on one with a friend (with me, for example) - she's more open to talk, but I don't want to give an advice. Probably because I know that she won't listen overnight.
I have some questions.
1. How many of you ENFJ girls eventually end up like the status quo in number 6? Is it a normal thing for ENFJs?
2. I asked the older INFJ about this and for what I know she learned to managed this situation much later in her life. She's now 30+ and the ENFJ girl here is 22. She just told me that it's something that the girl would just need to figure out later, in her own means.
So does that mean I can't realistically give an advice or what?
3. I think I'm more concerned with this ambiguous friendship demarcation line trap than she is. Do ENFJs realize how much of a potential trap they're setting up in this? Not that I don't enjoy it, but still, it's a very potent trap.