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  1. #1
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    Question infp doesn't get enfp avoidance

    (..New here.. so hope I do right...)

    Had the start of a relationship (don't know what it could've been) with a male ENFP (fem here) - online - and then phone - for a few months. 'Both were going through much.. had some sort of misunderstanding or something communication-wise (just before we planned to meet).. which I have rather desperately (well, it seems that way sometimes!) tried to discuss.. pick up.. emailing and getting no response. I know I's internalize more.. but this is so beyond me..! It's been months since and I find I still occasionally send a few-liner saying.. 'how are ya - hope all's well' etc.. and absolutely no response. I phoned him once when I was traveling near where he lives - and he hung up on me. I'm feeling like a stalker for continuing to try to communicate (!) .. but it just doesn't make sense to me. I've apologized.. cajoled.. made jokes.. and nada. 'Maybe this is clear to everyone but me...?

  2. #2
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Months? Give up would be my thing. When I get no response I do three last attempts, each two days appart. After the last one I wait too weeks then consider no more effort after that.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  3. #3
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    Obviously I'm hung up here (this has continued even while I've been dating).. Why not say 'sorry, but..' or 'I can't..' or anything.. I thought we had been pretty open and direct.. why would a sensitive person do that to someone.. how could one feel receiving email ongoing.. and not say something..? I don't care if he says 'get lost'.. but leaving me blowing in the wind (admittedly I'm hanging myself out there).. feels so cruel - or unbelievable... I know ENFP's can move along much more lightly... but I've begged for closure.. and got nothing (not letting my frustration show.. am I..!)..

  4. #4
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    As a sensitive person it probably bothers him to make a response; the joys of being FP...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  5. #5
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    Thank you for your thoughts... This feels so much worse than saying/telling me to 'get lost' for whatever reason... If we enjoyed each other before.. I don't understand why we can't simply be friendly (eg, a light email every 3 or 6 months).. but he's obviously just not into it.. I just don't get it... Why the need to be negative? I guess it's just not an important thing to him... 'bugs me though, cause I know he's not a lug...

  6. #6
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    I think you are going to have to create your own closure here. Sadly, I don't think he's going to provide it for you.

    Since he's disappeared, for your own health just assume he's an immature jerk that doesn't even have the common decency to stand behind his actions and decisions. Since you never got to meet him and really know him, it's an easy mistake to make - especially with a charming ENFP.

  7. #7
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    I think he's a better person than that, Udog, but I appreciate your thoughts and support! I'm kind of stuck with - that I was just too scary emotionally - and he would just 'rather not.. though he'd said he really liked me. He's just divorced, so I knew/know he wasn't romantic relationship material.. but I enjoyed his intelligence, depth (I thought) - and yes, charm..

    Do other INFPs kill themselves trying to understand stuff/people's actions like this - or is it my personal proclivity..?!

    Do any ENFPs have any more insight or advice?

  8. #8
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Quiet Fire View Post
    Do other INFPs kill themselves trying to understand stuff/people's actions like this - or is it my personal proclivity..?!
    Nope - it's pretty common. Welcome to INFP land!

    That's why I suggest making your own closure. You deserve better than to spend the next year of your life wishing for this guy.

  9. #9
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Meyers-Briggs might not be the most useful scheme here. If he's an enneagram type 1, for example, then under extreme stress he could react like an unhealthy type 4: "self-inhibiting and angry at self, depressed and alienated from self and others, blocked and emotionally paralyzed."

    That might seem a little confusing. If he's simply an unhealthy 4, then he'll be like that all the time until he makes a personal breakthrough to a higher level of functioning. If he were simply an unhealthy 1, then he'd be acting more "highly dogmatic, self-righteous, intolerant, and inflexible" all the time.

    However, if he's an average 1, then he'll normally "have a 'sense of mission' that leads [him] to want to improve the world in various ways, using whatever degree of influence [he has]" and "strive to overcome adversityparticularly moral adversityso that the human spirit can shine through and make a difference," but then be susceptible to reacting to overwhelming stress as described in the first paragraph, since type 4 is what's called the "direction of disintegration" of type 1.

    That's just an example, since I don't have enough to go by to say what his enneagram type is.
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  10. #10
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    I admit - though I've tried a few times - I never got into Enneagrams - but have noticed when various MBTI types seem to be quoted as a particular E- number.. and my quick recollection is that ENFPs are usually a 5 or 7 (sorry, I can't remember which of the two!). From what you say and references amde, the E-types do sound informative.

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