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  1. #11
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    Udog.. maybe it's a rationalization of feelings.. but I don't feel like I'm wishing for him... I do miss the connection to what I did know of him.. (I don't share so openly with a lot of people; yes, I know of ENFP's reputation here). I feel sad at being rejected - and humiliated at being ignored - when I thought there had been a mutual good connection... though I tried to be very cautious about getting close to someone (involved romantically) going through divorce..

  2. #12
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    (Still figuring out how this works.. thought I replied to you on this...)

    ... Maybe I'm rationalizing, but I don't feel as if I'm 'wishing' for him... I'm sad to have lost what I thought was a good connection.. especially without some peace or understanding about it... and seem to have only humiliated myself or scared him.. by trying to revive or keep some of it going. Why won't he just say 'goodbye' instead of ignoring me... why reject me so blatantly... there's no good reason for it.

    I thought I- and ENFP's understood and appreciated each other...! And would feel the same about the importance of communication. If he's avoiding though - he's uncomfortable - guess I just wish (there's that word!) he weren't.

    I have been dating and have many active interests.. 'don't know what brings me back to this, but I would like to move on. If a relationship I've been in had to change (including ending of LTRs), I've always been able to talk with them about it... so we both could go on easily and happily... AAAGGGHHH

  3. #13
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    Considering other possibilities.. Could it be that he may be taken (either still married, has a gf/s.o.'s)? Maybe?

    Either way.. his actions don't convey thereness/mutuality. Don't you think you deserve someone who will like you equally the same, who is consistent/honest?

  4. #14
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    I've seen him active on the dating site where we 'met'.. and that his status changed from 'separated' to 'divorced,' as I believe was scheduled. I tried hard to ask/convince him that we could communicate as friends (telling him I was dating and encouraging his meetings/dating) - but to no affect ('effect'..?!) After a divorce.. he should be making new friends.. re-building and formulating a new life for himself. I know it's a time of much change for him.. As I write this.. I can only conclude that I was/am more difficulty - trouble - a negative - - than worth... From what I know, he is trying to be consistent and being honest... just not saying anything (which is saying something - but what..?!)!

    And YES, I believe I deserve friends and relationships which add joy - or growth - and represent mutual feelings... I have a life.. and when this happens (when I've written before with no response), I work to redirect my energy and remind myself 'not to do that again' - - but stopping here, I feel I want to confront him about not responding... yeah, by email or leaving a phone message... Z:ol .. getting or letting the frustration and feelings out... It was only after sending a quick message over this past weekend that I stopped to think how long it's been since he actually responded. I have no negative feelings towards him, but I do believe I don't deserve to be treated like this, - even if it is me putting my neck out there...

    I've had many big stressors over this period (one of those times in history).. though I don't dump and didn't share many of the details since we didn't know each other in person.. perhaps he 'intuited' me as being too needy (I'm a very strong person - but I could use a shoulder once in a while, like anyone else.. but wouldn't do that to someone I didn't know well -- I listened about his separation and divorce) - and decided to keep his distance...

    Sure does seem 'dead'.. I hate the negativity when it's not necessary.. and I guess that as an ENFP (thanks for responding, btw, Viv).. it's clear he's simply not into any communication with me.. and that I - also - should be investing my time and energies elsewhere. Again, I feel angry and want him to say something... why does an ENFP not talk...?

  5. #15
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    Maybe he finds the situation awkward somehow. ENFPs tend to be avoidant of unpleasant social situations.

    Seriously though this guy takes it wayyy too far. Maybe he thinks you persist on communicating with him because you are interested in him on a romantic level, or maybe he simply is only interested in building romantic relations at the moment.

    Tough luck sista. But if I were you, I would leave it as it is and not bother contacting him further. If he notices you have stopped contacting him AND wants to contact you, he will. Otherwise don't bother throwing money at a no-show.
    I am an ENFP but I value justice over mercy.

  6. #16
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    Yep, awkward and not getting any less so (!!.. sorry I haven't figured out yet how to put smilies in here), though I've tried everything to make it possible.. he was an independent thinker and I liked that about him... I appreciate this 'space' and good people to get better insight/perspective.. From the few comments I've had.. it seems clear I should dump it and not try to figure it out further, fix-it or make it good and right. It's sad though..

  7. #17
    movin melodies kiddykat's Avatar
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    ^It's always tough when a person's emotionally invested.. Look on the bright side. Instead of being his rebound chick, he allowed you to see his true colors/intentions now.. Don't be his emotional tampon. He's a grown boy; you have a life to live..

    We can get angry at him all we want, but that's not really going to do anything. I would just smile, forgive, let it be.. who cares right? In 20 years, this boy probably won't really matter.

    Imagine yourself in a relationship with someone who can/will actually reciprocate, someone who's your best friend. He's out there. Mr. Old news just did you a huge favor! Best of luck!!

  8. #18
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    Funny.. I expected ENFPs to line up the 'right' reasons for his behavior.. I did luck out that things didn't go/get romantic.. I did time as 'rebound chick' twice.. and essentially lost some good years. Tried hard to avoid any emotional investment.. but I guess I can't figure out how that's done if you simply like/enjoy communicating with someone. Your point about anger (and 'imagining') is a great good one, Viv.... appreciate your thoughts and support! I'm kind of burnt out right now (trying to move forward on a couple of fronts) on dating...

    I'm figuring runvardh hit something, in that, for his reasons, it's too difficult to say (whatever).. I say avoidance is unkind and probably unhealthy.. Oh well..

  9. #19
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    'Reading in here and came across an ENFJ (or two) who described how they dealt with stress... and bells kind of went off to read they.. 'sever ties with whatever is causing the stress and re-evaluate the direction they're heading in'... The avoidance was simple 'severing' when we may have gotten closer, at best. Whew.... I gotta put this behind me...

  10. #20
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    This has been difficult, as my "INFP" doesn't seem to have the capacity to understand 'lost connections,' and feeling I was foolish trying to 'smooth things out.' Guess I know better rationally.. BUT.

    I've been reading a lot in here about ENFP patterns... and I'm clear that they 'bounce around'... but want to clarify when/if they really establish friendships for real (a true emotional connection).. I feel for where he is at (issues he's dealing with).. if there ever was any true connection, wouldn't that be reciprocated?

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