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  1. #31
    Rainy Day Woman MDP2525's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gloriana View Post
    Yeah, I think it messes with peeps heads sometimes because I will say "I feel so hurt" but unless they are very close to me, it does not "show". Those I trust and feel safe with will see everything, those I don't will just hear about it for the most part.

    I'm expressive with enthusiasm and excitement, I'm expressive when I'm irked by something, but I can swallow hurt and pain like nobody's business. I can swallow it so well that sometimes I don't even realize I was hurt by something until I get alone and it hits me.

    I can get my point across about how I feel with words and inflections, but for someone to have access to the raw, fresh emotion I have to be close with them. For me personally, I grew up in a family that would wield that stuff like tools and use it against you or deconstruct the validity of it right to your face. Hence, I just don't let just anyone 'in here'. I can talk about pretty much every emotion I've had and why, I'm open in that respect, but letting people SEE it is a different story.

    Logically I know very well that no one can take anything away from me that I do not let them take, nor can they step on something I don't let them step on. I've had to do a lot of work rearranging my way of thinking and not be so sensitive.

    Still, at the end of the day, when someone shows me their emotions and how they feel, I consider it a very precious thing not to be fucked with. I'm not talking about mollycoddling someone either, I mean that even if I'm up front about my perspective on any given situation, I try to take care never to invalidate a feeling or emotion. I guess I just do not trust that the same respect will be provided to me by someone I don't know well, and so I am choosy about whom I let see my emotions or feelings in their rawest form.
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  2. #32
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    I don't know, much of what's being said here contradicts a lot of what I've come to understand. A fair amount of people here seem convinced that INFJs are less outwardly emotional than INFPs, and thus appear more "T-ish" to the outside observer. However, testimony from most INFPs (and a lot of people who have encountered INFPs) has them sounding pretty icy and unemotional to the outside observer as well. Additionally, the INFP's dominant function, introverted feeling, supports the idea that INFPs would be more likely to keep their feelings to themselves.

    By contrast, the extroverted feeling of INFJs would in theory make them more apt to be emotionally effusive. How do you reconcile this with the claim that INFJs are the least outwardly emotional of the NFs?

    Before retorting with the statement, "well, INFJs are outwardly emotional, but only with people close to them," let's be clear that the same claim is made for INFPs as well. This is therefore not a distinguishing feature of the INFJ, and cannot be used to support the claim that INFJs are less outwardly emotional (and therefore more "T-ish") than other NFs.

    So, what gives?
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  3. #33
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    I don't know, much of what's being said here contradicts a lot of what I've come to understand. A fair amount of people here seem convinced that INFJs are less outwardly emotional than INFPs, and thus appear more "T-ish" to the outside observer. However, testimony from most INFPs (and a lot of people who have encountered INFPs) has them sounding pretty icy and unemotional to the outside observer as well. Additionally, the INFP's dominant function, introverted feeling, supports the idea that INFPs would be more likely to keep their feelings to themselves.

    By contrast, the extroverted feeling of INFJs would in theory make them more apt to be emotionally effusive. How do you reconcile this with the claim that INFJs are the least outwardly emotional of the NFs?

    Before retorting with the statement, "well, INFJs are outwardly emotional, but only with people close to them," let's be clear that the same claim is made for INFPs as well. This is therefore not a distinguishing feature of the INFJ, and cannot be used to support the claim that INFJs are less outwardly emotional (and therefore more "T-ish") than other NFs.

    So, what gives?
    I personally don't know INFJs, but going off of ones online and celebs typed as such, they have a polite warmth to them, but seem more emotionally in control. They have more of an even temper on the surface, which might read T to some. I suppose that is the Fe social face: pleasant. I never got a T vibe from them, but that's my impression.

    INFPs, in contrast, can seem more prickly and cold on the surface, and that can give off a moody vibe even if there are no large outward displays of emotion (especially when such emotions are considered "appropriate" or expected). So in that sense, INFPs may seem more temperamental as opposed to even & pleasant, and that may translate to emotional for people. On the other hand, it can also make them seem arrogant, distant, and uncaring, which people associate with T (maybe unfairly).

    Not all INFPs are that way though. Some report being seen as nice and easygoing, but I hear that more from male INFPs.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  4. #34
    The Memes Justify the End EcK's Avatar
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    Default INFJs don't seem overemotional

    ...until they snap out on you

    *shudders*
    Expression of the post modern paradox : "For the love of god, religions are so full of shit"

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  5. #35
    Blah Orangey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I personally don't know INFJs, but going off of ones online and celebs typed as such, they have a polite warmth to them, but seem more emotionally in control. They have more of an even temper on the surface, which might read T to some. I suppose that is the Fe social face: pleasant. I never got a T vibe from them, but that's my impression.

    INFPs, in contrast, can seem more prickly and cold on the surface, and that can give off a moody vibe even if there are no large outward displays of emotion (especially when such emotions are considered "appropriate" or expected). So in that sense, INFPs may seem more temperamental as opposed to even & pleasant, and that may translate to emotional for people. On the other hand, it can also make them seem arrogant, distant, and uncaring, which people associate with T (maybe unfairly).

    Not all INFPs are that way though. Some report being seen as nice and easygoing, but I hear that more from male INFPs.
    Ah, so it's two different interpretations of what counts as outwardly unemotional behavior. In that case, though, I don't see how we can call either INFPs or INFJs more "T-ish" than the other.
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  6. #36
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orangey View Post
    Ah, so it's two different interpretations of what counts as outwardly unemotional behavior. In that case, though, I don't see how we can call either INFPs or INFJs more "T-ish" than the other.
    Yep...and I agree. It's really a matter of perspective, and "T-ish" is probably more of an individual thing than a type thing for any NF.

    Although, I'd say online, INFJs may seem less emotional also. Anonymity makes INFXs feel safe, so Ni is probably more exposed for INFJs. The INFJs forum seems more analytical because of it (tediously so), topped off with Fe politeness and formality. INFPgc is pretty emotionally charged, because you get a lot of INFPs feeling safe to vent, and the cold social face comes off. However, emotionally charged can also mean blunt and rude, so again, you get a dose of what may seem like abrasive T.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  7. #37
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    Not overemotional? Do you not like my expressionless INFJ stone face? What's wrong with not being able to tell I don't give a rat's ass?

  8. #38
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    The INFJs I know tend to have a polite, pleasant manner which usually makes people like them without actually getting close to them. We often come across as diplomatic, tactful, and caring people: and we are capable of enthusing and being effusive but it will never be about ourselves (unless we are with the chosen few we trust). I have seen INFJs (me included) dancing a jig over somebody else's kids' pictures. Catch them gushing like that in public over their own children

    It's just a manner we have. We try to make people feel comfortable, and all too often we end up as everybody and his wife's confidant. In these roles we will not appear unemotional. But we will give out very little of our OWN emotions.

    It's not that we don't feel, but we are very well at managing over emotions, and its very important that 'nobody will know'. I know of cases where INFJs went on working in an office after an affair with a coworker was over, and nobody could possibly guess either their previous involvement or their current unhappiness. We keep our secrets well, which is why others trust us with their own secrets.

    However, we do feel, and when we let ourselves get emotional it might look quite extreme. I actually learned to share my emotions unguardedly only with other INFJS everybody else, including very caring ESFJs I knew, ended up looking alarmed and asking why I am taking everything to heart and being 'too sensitive'! Only other INFJs know that you've been bottling up everything and presenting a tranquil, totally-in-control face to the world, and that you are darn tired of that.

  9. #39
    Member Fife's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wellspring View Post
    Only other INFJs know that you've been bottling up everything and presenting a tranquil, totally-in-control face to the world, and that you are darn tired of that.


    Absolutely. An emotional outlet is important too. Not always easy to find though

    Even when I know people well and trust them, I may not show what I'm really feeling. Say it, maybe... But why lump them with your life? Like Wellspring says though, it gets tiring

  10. #40
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    Having my emotions all hanging out all over the place in public would be the symbolic equivalent of dropping my drawers in the middle of a busy shopping mall. The emotions are there, I just don't feel that everyone needs to see them.
    There's an image that's going to stay with me for a while. Great metaphor.

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