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  1. #71
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Really? Sure you're not taking it a little too personally?

    I find it telling that NFs are all about broad generalizations to describe patterns until those generalizations are pointed at them--then it's an attack on their individuality.
    Yeah this is what I'm thinking...

    If it doesn't apply to you (what I'm saying), then great. My post that I made wasn't meant to harm, but to be constructive.

    And no I don't relate to a lot of the NF's troubles, oversensitivity, hyper emotional, unrealistic, and irrational behavior. Hence why I thought I was an S for a while. So I don't really have much perspective, since none of that makes sense to me.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  2. #72
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Really? Sure you're not taking it a little too personally?
    Lol, no. That's his opinion, but I just wanted to point out the lack of understanding which is at the root of it. I don't get "hyper-emotional/sensitive" complaints very often because...I'm not.

  3. #73
    Senior Member Coeur's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Good things to remember concerning me (and possibly other INFPs):
    2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs ). If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?
    This is key.

    3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike. If I don't like you, it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe.
    If I dislike [or am unsure about] you, I won't make eye contact with you, won't hug you, won't smile, won't seek you out, and won't encourage conversation. To get me to open up, keep seeking me out.

    4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.
    Exactly.

    5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.
    Exactly. Make it clear that your criticism comes from good intentions and because you care. Emphasis on making it clear that you care and your overall opinion of them hasn't change.

    6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.
    For sure.

    7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it". You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat: do not trivialize my feelings. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view.
    THIS IS KEY. Do this and you are in hot water.

    8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud. I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.
    People are always surprised how nonjudgemental I am considering how strong my beliefs are. Do not make any assumptions about my values and how I view things.

    10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer. This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.
    If I cannot be open about what I'm thinking/feeling, I will not tolerate you for long.

    11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.
    This is opposite for me. I want to spend every second with someone if I really like being around them.

    13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.

    Key point.

    So, my personal list, drawing stuff from this awesome list...
    1. Let me be myself around you. If I cannot express my thoughts, feelings, and opinions, this is a VERY bad thing.
    2. Don't make assumptions about me. I'm more complex and open than I may appear.
    3. If I bring something up with you, it means that EVEN THOUGH it may cause a dreaded conflict situation, it is still bothering me that much. So, NEVER blow it off as trivial or unimportant. Ever.
    4. Don't mock or belittle my values. It will only lead to bad things.
    5. As another person said: "hugs and kisses"=great.
    6. Figure out what my values are. You'll really impress me if you show me small courtesies.
    7. Ask me what I'm feeling/thinking, and actually want to know the answer.
    8. Initiate contact with me: reach out first.
    9. Complimets and encouragements are great.
    10. Commenting on things that give insight to who I am is endearing.
    Everybody needs love.

  4. #74
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    Fi is a logic function but it's (more) subjective logic. Appeals to "rationality" or even practicality don't really work here. And will really piss off or hurt an INFP who thinks you are steam rolling over them instead of listening to what they are saying. They don't want you to tell them what makes sense, they want you to understand what makes sense to them

    It can seem 'selfish'. And non sensical. And needy. <-- But if you think those things you probably shouldn't date an INFP.
    It's only nonsensical if you cannot follow the INFPs reasoning, because I'd say that often the logical disconnect is in the expression of their view, not the core of it. For this reason, I much more articulate in writing, and it seems many INFPs feel that way. Being Ne-aux, we can jump from A to D to B and entirely leave out C, and not understand why you can't follow us .
    (I often even type that way...then I go back and copy and paste and move stuff into logical order.)

    Not to say we don't have faulty reasoning sometimes, or that we do not alter our reasoning if we come to see it's flawed. If someone makes an effort to see what makes sense to us and why we feel that way, then yes, they may have just opened a door to reason with us.


    Remember, hugs and kisses! Lots and lots of hugs and kisses!
    At INFPgc, there was a thread about disliking hugs, especially in public (really! :eek . I'd venture to say most of us like to receive them more than we'll let on though. I've gotten more huggy with age and welcome it now, but I used to be resistant.


    Not the INFPs I dated. :smug grin:

    They liked calling me/talking to me/seeing me everyday. Sometimes 24/7 like. Doing a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing in particular. That's right - I was in. :puffs chest out:

    If an INFP really likes you (and feels comfortable with you) it's so sweet how they very clearly seek you out and shyly hope you want to spend time with them.

    Or have I dated a bunch of ISFJs that I've mistaken for INFPs? HA. HA. HA.
    Maybe they were

    Maybe this isn't an INFP one way or the other. I've never been called needy, but I have gotten numerous complaints about being too independent and acting like I don't need people. I mentioned in another thread how I easily lose track of time and can go weeks without contacting close friends and family. I'm one of those INFPs who frequently falls out of people's lives. Maybe it's the enneagram 4w5 thing...or just me

    Yeah, if you date an INFP and don't agree with what is important to them, it's over.
    It depends what it is....I was emphasizing respect over agreement because I don't expect everyone to have the exact values I do. If someone can respect my views, then I can overlook some differences. I think this may be very situation dependent.

    For those looking to date an INFP I would also add "what they 'aspire' to be" to that last sentence, also.
    That's a good insight
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  5. #75
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coeur View Post
    I'd say that INFPs and INFJs are interesting enough that other types need to read a how-to guide on how to take care of us properly. Feel free to post any relational dos and do nots that you assume that are specific to your type. You can also post personal attributes and patterns that you've observed in your relationships. Note that these are guidelines and generalizations, not rules.

    I'll jump into the fray later.
    It's a good idea for some maybe, but I wont ever read it cause I want to find out on my own.

    And if I fail, at least I tried
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #76
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    Not sure about INFPs, but I know INFJs are all about non-verbals, so maybe translating a few of our non-verbals would help?

    NERVOUS GLANCES

    What It Means - If an INFJ starts casting nervous glances in any direction, it usually means there's something more important to him at the moment than whatever discussion you're intent on engaging him in. As such, it should come as a sign that you've been talking way too long about way too little; you're either taking too long to get to the point or spending too much time dwelling on it.

    What To Do

    - Say it. State your point, give us the rundown, and let us figure out the rest. Padding your point to soften the blow reads as you thinking we're too delicate to process the raw data. If you need an example, ask us for a brutally honest, off-the-record opinion about your fat ass or your butt-ugly Donald Duck necktie.

    - Say it once. If you keep revisiting a point once it's been made, it shows us you think we have the attention span of a goldfish with ADD swimming in Red Bull laced with ecstasy. You'll get your goldfish from the pet store and your point made before the Jurassic-period caveman figures out how that strange little orange fish appeared in mid-air...and why everything's been frozen in time and 40 shades of neon since he ate it.

  7. #77
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
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    As of late, the last 9 months or so, I've made an active effort to "listen" to my INFJ Wifey-Poo-Snookums-Honey-Biscuit.

    Life is a two two-way street. Our treaty is as follows:

    (1) She is giving me the "heads up" that she needs to talk about something (usually related to some aspect of our relationship that is in need of deep metaphysical thought OR something that I have done with less than perfect feelings/empathy/etc.)...

    (2) ...Now, I am making time (within 24 hours) to talk about such said aforementioned topics.

    (RESULTS) Much dialog ensues. Sometimes it is a conversation devoid of bloodshed, others I am dragged into a deep cranial fatigue:

    (A) Sometimes I think she is trying to tell me with words that she desires to dissect my cerebral cortex with a rusty butterknife but does not think the time in prison is worth it and is therefore electing to teach me the error of my ways...

    (B) Other times we end up having a long chat about things that I thought were inherently obvious but that somehow were delivered by me as a multi-dimensional-Sudoku puzzle to her.

    (C) IRONICALLY the best outcome of this "PROCESS" (aka ESTP torture) is that the informal ad-hoc friendly Hubby-Wifey-Lovey-Fluffy-Sweetie-Pie talks we do have are great! :horor:

    (CONCLUSION) I love her to little tiny molecular particles, but after 15 years I am only now learning to "talk" with my INFJ. Someone please tell me that's normal...

  8. #78
    Senior Member WoodsWoman's Avatar
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    OH, my yes Halla - very very normal!!!
    Congrats on making it this far!!

    Something similar with my ENTJ... damn, I miss him...

  9. #79
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Reminds me of the boyfriend I had who let me go because I made him think too much. So yeah, congrats on getting so far!

  10. #80
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Yeah this is what I'm thinking...

    If it doesn't apply to you (what I'm saying), then great. My post that I made wasn't meant to harm, but to be constructive.

    And no I don't relate to a lot of the NF's troubles, oversensitivity, hyper emotional, unrealistic, and irrational behavior. Hence why I thought I was an S for a while. So I don't really have much perspective, since none of that makes sense to me.
    Your diction is anything but constructive. I mean, would you go up to someone and go, "No offense, but your oversensitivity, hyper emotionality, unrealistic and irrational behavior makes no sense to me," and expect them to respond favorably? Enough with this "wasn't meant to harm" wishy-washy shit.

    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Really? Sure you're not taking it a little too personally?

    I find it telling that NFs are all about broad generalizations to describe patterns until those generalizations are pointed at them--then it's an attack on their individuality.
    What's wrong with taking something personally...? It sucks when someone thinks an opinion of yours is offending, but when you're offended that someone else is offended, then maybe you should reconsider expressing your brilliant opinion, next time.

    This sort of thing just pisses me off because you're basically saying, "Suck it up, you shouldn't be offended, pussy." Except with fancier rhetoric that makes you look wise.
    "So I say, live and let live. Thatís my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who canít go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

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