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  1. #61
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    It's a bad idea to dictate someone's motives or their emotions. Not a mature exchange from either side, methinks.
    Probably true.
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  2. #62
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SciVo View Post
    Interestingly, in the appendix of Just Your Type, the authors revealed that in SFJ/NFP pairs, 86% of the SFJs were satisfied with their partners, the highest satisfaction of any group in any pairing. So, congratulations on your good catch; and of course you love us, it's in your nature!

    I don't want to worry you, but you deserve to know that they also reported that only 53% of the NFPs in those pairs said they were satisfied. I'm not sure what the problem is there. Maybe we tend to avoid unpleasant topics, so you'd have to work harder than you'd expect at drawing out if there's something troubling him?
    If you read the type pairings sections it will elaboprate there. My guess/recollection: NFP's are warm and personable and think about others and find ways to express it. We care.

    SFJ's tend to be traditionalists with prescribed ways of doing things, notice and care about details, and tend not to be very interested in deep convoluted theoretical philosophical conversations. we feel chained down by convention and dullery

  3. #63
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Default Unforgivably long post but it's about the OP so I know you'll love it

    First off, my advice for dating INFPs - huge and kisses! Give your INFP lots and lots of hugs and kisses!!! Can never be too many! And water and sunlight. This will let your INFP grow up healthy and strong and be very, very happy. (They'll still be moody though, sorry, can't change that. LOL)

    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    The problem is that when Fs get upset, virtually all logical explanation for why you behaved the way you did is just interpreted as "LOGICAL EXCUSES FOR BEING A LOGICALFUCKING ASSHOLE!"
    Fixed!

    "If you're trying to use logic to tell me why I shouldn't be upset, clearly you hate my FEELINGS and aim specifically and intentionally to hurt and degrade me! wwwaaahhhh!"
    Gawd, you are so manly when you emulate a woman emulating a baby crying.



    You know Sim, I swear I think you are going to fall, hard for an NF (oh, please, please, please let it be an INFP!!! Who keeps a journal and collects crystals) It is the poetic justic of the world. And when that day comes, I'm gonna be the first to subscribe to your new thread! x 2

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs ). If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?
    Healthy or unhealthy, mature or immature, deeply held beliefs or valued connections must be treaded carefully. Some things are "sacred".

    I actually do see Simulated World's frustrations here (oh, it's that evil, evil Fi, isn't it Sim? ) As a fellow NF and Fi user I know it can be hard to feel safe enough to let someone in and really explore these areas of questioning. Introverted feeling is hard to articulate (that's why it's introverted!) And INXPs can be really poor communicators, especially of intrapersonal stuff.

    As a fellow NF/Fi dom I speak the same language (or a similar dialect) so I can navigate it or at least "get" why I can't communicate with the INFP. Whether or not the INFP is "clearly" communicating with me I "get" the gist of it and can usually replay it back to them and then they'll tell me whether I actually understood what they were trying to say or not.

    But I think to an NT or really anyone who lacks intra or interpersonal finesse and just thinks things like that ^^ are illogical or unecessary or subjective (which is bad word), etc. it can be supremely frustrating.

    Fi is a logic function but it's (more) subjective logic. Appeals to "rationality" or even practicality don't really work here. And will really piss off or hurt an INFP who thinks you are steam rolling over them instead of listening to what they are saying. They don't want you to tell them what makes sense, they want you to understand what makes sense to them

    It can seem 'selfish'. And non sensical. And needy. <-- But if you think those things you probably shouldn't date an INFP.

    5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.
    Remember, hugs and kisses! Lots and lots of hugs and kisses!

    11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.
    Not the INFPs I dated. :smug grin:

    They liked calling me/talking to me/seeing me everyday. Sometimes 24/7 like. Doing a little bit of everything and a lot of nothing in particular. That's right - I was in. :puffs chest out:

    If an INFP really likes you (and feels comfortable with you) it's so sweet how they very clearly seek you out and shyly hope you want to spend time with them.

    Or have I dated a bunch of ISFJs that I've mistaken for INFPs? HA. HA. HA.

    12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it. If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me.
    Yeah, if you date an INFP and don't agree with what is important to them, it's over. I kinda knew this about one INFP I dated right out of the gate (the core value conflict) but I let it slide figuring we'd deal with it later if we dated long enough. I always knew it was an impassable thing, but you know how 'idealistic' NFs can be. I was just prolonging the inevitable. Aside from all our problems (though that was definitely a key part of it) it wasn't a sustainable relationship because I could not stand some of the things she valued in her life (namely some people). Fi doesn't compromise. I'm also an Fi dom. I was honest about my feelings on the issue from Day 1 and stuck by my words. I knew I was not going to compromise and would have to walk away if there was no resolution.

    13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.
    For those looking to date an INFP I would also add "what they 'aspire' to be" to that last sentence, also.
    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  4. #64
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze
    Gawd, you are so manly when you emulate a woman emulating a baby crying.



    You know Sim, I swear I think you are going to fall, hard for an NF (oh, please, please, please let it be an INFP!!! Who keeps a journal and collects crystals) It is the poetic justic of the world. And when that day comes, I'm gonna be the first to subscribe to your new thread! x 2
    Been there, done that.

    Three guesses why it didn't work out. (HINT: Taking everything as a personal attack and refusing to listen to explanations to the contrary is kind of a big turn-off for me.)

    Sometimes Ts are assholes; unfortunately nobody really knows exactly how much because we underestimate it and you guys overestimate it, so...eh
    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  5. #65
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    Bolded- Not really what I meant.

    And "normal" probably wasn't a good term to use, but whatever.

    My point was that having these traits and having them take a negative effect on you should be avoided. Great post btw Scott.

    Lots of the time I've seen (and observed for myself in real life) NFs create a lot of unnecessary issues for themselves for no apparent reason, just because they were either overly emotional/overly sensitive (in a sense that these traits backfired) and/or way too complicated.

    And what I'm trying to say is that you should strive to not let those things as an NF take control of you and cause issues for you. And this relates to the OP because "special treatment" usually means that these traits need to be catered to, but the way I see it is that they are just getting in the way.

    Having a difficult time projecting what I really mean sucks. But in this case it might be due to the fact that I'm doing some hardcore multitasking.
    i think part of the other side to this was that your take on "negative effect" doesn't seem to be in touch with the situation very well. your judgment on "just being sensitive" and "for no apparent reason" just means you don't understand these people at all and are not skilled at communicating with them to find out the reasons why they feel the way they do.

    it also seems that you could take some responsibility when you type out things others find offensive. at least intps couch their condemnations in a somewhat enjoyable logic game. in this thread you seem to be offering nothing but empty judgments. maybe they are rooted in your concrete experience, but this communicates nothing of value when you use it to espouse very bland generalisms about those "overly sensitive" inf types.

  6. #66
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    ^State -- yes. Don't type out BS and then when someone calls it out as BS, say "You misunderstood." It was clear as day what that post was saying; no one misunderstood, they just disagreed.

    ---

    Fidelia and OrangeAppled, I'll be looking for The Ultimate Guide to the INF Partner (complete with interviews and photos) at my local Barnes and Noble in a few months, so get to it.

  7. #67
    Freshman Member simulatedworld's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    i think part of the other side to this was that your take on "negative effect" doesn't seem to be in touch with the situation very well. your judgment on "just being sensitive" and "for no apparent reason" just means you don't understand these people at all and are not skilled at communicating with them to find out the reasons why they feel the way they do.
    Might I point out that BlackCat himself is an NF?

    Quote Originally Posted by the state i am in View Post
    it also seems that you could take some responsibility when you type out things others find offensive. at least intps couch their condemnations in a somewhat enjoyable logic game. in this thread you seem to be offering nothing but empty judgments. maybe they are rooted in your concrete experience, but this communicates nothing of value when you use it to espouse very bland generalisms about those "overly sensitive" inf types.
    Well, I'd agree with you if I didn't already agree with BC (very big of him to admit it about his own type, I think) that when somebody takes something too personally/imagines an attack that isn't there, in my experience it's almost always an NF (though sometimes an SF, but they tend to take things more at face value and won't read 20 levels into whatever you've said just looking for a way to read hostility into it), and hilarity always ensues whenever an angry NF makes a post complaining about how personally s/he takes it that people say NFs take things too personally.

    INFPs remind me of INTPs in a way when they do this, because both types use Ne to try and universalize their own arbitrary, so-called "objective" perspectives on what is logical/ethical. (Note that INFJ and INTJ rarely bother explaining to you if you don't get it--since they don't use Ji, it's not so important to them to consider their own beliefs "objectively correct.") And yes, I know, you're very spontaneous and open to new ideas and all that, but that's only true of Ps on the outside--inside they are far more rigid than they appear.

    If you could be anything you want, I bet you'd be disappointed--am I right?

  8. #68
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    I have learned that most important of all things with my INFP is just to accept him the way he is and let him be who he is...and be thankful for all of the wonderful things about him.
    Good advice when dealing with any type, or person for that matter.

    We *can* try and understand them better, though.

  9. #69
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    ^State -- yes. Don't type out BS and then when someone calls it out as BS, say "You misunderstood." It was clear as day what that post was saying; no one misunderstood, they just disagreed.

    I felt the same as you when i read it

    (i know blackcat is NF)

  10. #70
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by simulatedworld View Post
    Might I point out that BlackCat himself is an NF?
    Maybe. The consistent lack of understanding of the motivations of these types, and lack of perspective in general, would indicate quite otherwise.

    The post wasn't so much offensive as it was overly judgmental and censuring due to the aforementioned lack of understanding.

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