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  1. #51
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Good things to remember concerning me (and possibly other INFPs):

    1. Maintaining integrity is more important to me than "success" in the world, especially money (Hi ESTXs ). If something doesn't have a "higher" meaning to it, then I have a hard time caring about it. Help me see the meaning to something if it seems I am unfairly writing it off. "That's just how it is" arguments don't sit well with me; I am an idealist after all.

    2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs ). If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?

    3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike. If I don't like you, it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe.

    4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.

    5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.

    6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.

    7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it". You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat: do not trivialize my feelings. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view.

    8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud. I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.

    9. I talk in metaphors a lot, use hypothetical situations to make a point, and generally put a lot of stock in symbolism. Make an effort to take this seriously, because this is how I communicate, and I will shut down if you disregard it. This also means I sometimes read into wording and actions as symbolic for something greater, which might be annoying, but much of the time it proves right, so I'm sticking to it.

    10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer. This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

    11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.

    12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it. If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me.

    13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.

    I can think of a lot more, but I'm getting tired
    Yes, very well put.

  2. #52
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I want to hear part two!

  3. #53
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fidelia View Post
    I want to hear part two!
    I think one essay for the night is enough. Where is your sequel?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  4. #54
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    ...
    This definitely applies to the INFPs I know.

  5. #55
    See Right Through Me Bubbles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Good things to remember concerning me (and possibly other INFPs):

    1. Maintaining integrity is more important to me than "success" in the world, especially money (Hi ESTXs ). If something doesn't have a "higher" meaning to it, then I have a hard time caring about it. Help me see the meaning to something if it seems I am unfairly writing it off. "That's just how it is" arguments don't sit well with me; I am an idealist after all.

    2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs ). If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?

    3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike. If I don't like you, it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe.

    4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.

    5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.

    6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.

    7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it". You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat: do not trivialize my feelings. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view.

    8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud. I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.

    9. I talk in metaphors a lot, use hypothetical situations to make a point, and generally put a lot of stock in symbolism. Make an effort to take this seriously, because this is how I communicate, and I will shut down if you disregard it. This also means I sometimes read into wording and actions as symbolic for something greater, which might be annoying, but much of the time it proves right, so I'm sticking to it.

    10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer. This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

    11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.

    12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it. If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me.

    13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.

    I can think of a lot more, but I'm getting tired
    So it's official: OrangeAppled is cracking open the nut of the INFP mind and fidelia is conquering INFJs. I await your future book deals anxiously.
    4w3, IEI, so/sx/sp, female, and Cancer sign.

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    DISCLAIMER: If I offend you, I'm 99.9% sure it's unintentional. So be sure to let me know, m'kay? (And yes, an INFP would stick this in their signature, lol.)

  6. #56
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles View Post
    So it's official: OrangeAppled is cracking open the nut of the INFP mind and fidelia is conquering INFJs. I await your future book deals anxiously.
    You mean I can get paid for this?
    Where do I sign?
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  7. #57
    Senior Member Lambchop's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Good things to remember concerning me (and possibly other INFPs):

    1. Maintaining integrity is more important to me than "success" in the world, especially money (Hi ESTXs ). If something doesn't have a "higher" meaning to it, then I have a hard time caring about it. Help me see the meaning to something if it seems I am unfairly writing it off. "That's just how it is" arguments don't sit well with me; I am an idealist after all.

    2. Criticizing my beliefs/values without knowing my reasons for holding them is a bad idea (Hi NTs ). If you want to know, then ask respectfully and give me time to explain fully instead of sticking your foot in your mouth and assuming the answer. I do not simply latch onto ideas that make me "feel good". My values are extremely refined, defined, and well-thought out. What do you think I spend much of my solitude time doing (it's not all searching for LOL cats online, okay)?

    3. Don't misjudge my reserve as disinterest or dislike. If I don't like you, it will be made very clear if necessary. I'm probably much more intimidated by you than you could ever be of me. I will reciprocate and warm up if/when I feel safe.

    4. Make an attempt to see the bigger picture, and then you'll get past my tiny quirks (ie. running late) that mean nothing in the grand scheme of life. Check the bottom line instead of nitpicking those little things.

    5. Criticism is mostly ineffective unless given in a constructive and encouraging manner. It is possible to give criticism without offending me, just be smooth about it, and make sure it's coming out of good intentions. Encouragement goes a looong way in getting the best out of me; almost everything good I've done is because people expressed their confidence in my ability to do it, not their criticism of what I am or am not doing right now.

    6. I am quiet, generally inoffensive, and go-with-the-flow, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat or obsequious. Making this assumption is dangerous. I'm very strong-willed and can be downright aggressive if necessary. I like to help people, not necessarily serve them, and I will stand up for myself. Don't push too hard; I will push back.

    7. If I am feeling melancholy, do not trivialize my feelings or tell me to "get over it". You can make me laugh, you can make me cookies, you can just leave me the hell alone, but I repeat: do not trivialize my feelings. Actually, don't trivialize my feelings in any scenario. At least acknowledge them as valid before giving your counter view.

    8. I am initially a reserved person, but this doesn't mean I am a stick in the mud. I'm also surprisingly less naive than you may think. I'm very open to new things as long as they don't violate my values.

    9. I talk in metaphors a lot, use hypothetical situations to make a point, and generally put a lot of stock in symbolism. Make an effort to take this seriously, because this is how I communicate, and I will shut down if you disregard it. This also means I sometimes read into wording and actions as symbolic for something greater, which might be annoying, but much of the time it proves right, so I'm sticking to it.

    10. If you ask me about something, be prepared for an honest answer. This includes questions like "how are you?" and "what do you think?". I'll be nice about it and take a lot of care with your feelings, but I won't BS you. If you don't want to hear it, don't ask.

    11. I need a lot of alone time and get easily tired from interaction, so it's nothing personal if you don't hear from me often. I am doing you a favor by staying away when I am moody or over-extended. A way to hear from me more is to show that you won't monopolize my time every time we're in contact and to be happy to hear from me. I'll be more likely to contact you knowing it won't totally drain me every time & that I am not disturbing you.

    12. Find out what is very important to me early on, and then don't step on it. If you feel the need to question it, see #2 and wait until there is an established trust. If I feel disrespect towards my core beliefs, then I'll probably just cut you off. Disagreeing is fine, but degrading my view is not, because it essentially IS me.

    13. Ultimately, I want to be the most authentic version of my internal self externally, which can be hard for me to do. Anyone who brings out what I feel is the "real" me and celebrates it goes far.

    I can think of a lot more, but I'm getting tired
    My husband is an INFP and this is a very helpful post and I can seem some of the things you mentioned...good job and thank you for that! (I like this board better than the SJ board -- I want to change my personality type!) I have learned that most important of all things with my INFP is just to accept him the way he is and let him be who he is...and be thankful for all of the wonderful things about him. Reading the posts here help as well! You INFPs should get mad props!

    I know an ENFJ or two..but not INFJ's...what are the differences there, if any?

  8. #58
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    I think they share quite a few similarities. However, ENFJs tend to be more outspoken. INFJs may feel just as strongly but work from behind the scenes. It's sometimes hard to know the difference between the two because not all ENFJs look extremely extroverted and not all INFJs seem extremely introverted. Some ENFJs are quite flirty. INFJs tend to only be once they know you better (and often with people that they are actually not interested in). ENFJs are very involved in their surroundings and the people in them. INFJs are more internal, looking to the outside as material for thought in their inside life. ENFJs take on the weight of the world, sometimes can feel inordinate amounts of guilt or responsibility for how others feel, and involve themselves quite actively with the people in their sphere of influence. INFJs seem to feel a little less guilty (maybe more focussed on how others perceive them, than why they can't exert more influence on others to make everything work?). Both tend to like teaching, but ENFJs are pretty super-duper amazing at it and can spin a lot of plates all at once. Both are good hosts and also enjoy interacting with a wide variety of people, but INFJs are more likely to enjoy smaller group interactions. INFJs tend seem more neutral in their opinions unless you know them well. They avoid conflict, unless they believe it is so important it can't be ignored, or the people they would have it with are close enough to warrant it. ENFJs seem to be more okay with it, although they are distressed when everyone is not on good terms. Those are the differences that I have noticed, although I must admit I'm working with a fairly small sample population.

  9. #59
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    You mean I can get paid for this?
    Where do I sign?
    Move over Kroeger & Thuesen!

  10. #60
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    (I like this board better than the SJ board -- I want to change my personality type!)
    Interestingly, in the appendix of Just Your Type, the authors revealed that in SFJ/NFP pairs, 86% of the SFJs were satisfied with their partners, the highest satisfaction of any group in any pairing. So, congratulations on your good catch; and of course you love us, it's in your nature!

    I don't want to worry you, but you deserve to know that they also reported that only 53% of the NFPs in those pairs said they were satisfied. I'm not sure what the problem is there. Maybe we tend to avoid unpleasant topics, so you'd have to work harder than you'd expect at drawing out if there's something troubling him?
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

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