Interestingly, in the appendix of Just Your Type, the authors revealed that in SFJ/NFP pairs, 86% of the SFJs were satisfied with their partners, the highest satisfaction of any group in any pairing. So, congratulations on your good catch; and of course you love us, it's in your nature!
I don't want to worry you, but you deserve to know that they also reported that only 53% of the NFPs in those pairs said they were satisfied. I'm not sure what the problem is there. Maybe we tend to avoid unpleasant topics, so you'd have to work harder than you'd expect at drawing out if there's something troubling him?
Inching in a certain direction is an INF's secondary nonverbal hint, reinforcing the nervous glance. If used in conjuction, both are usually directed toward an exit. The keen observer will likely translate this as the INF's attempt to make his "I need to leave" message more clear to a long-winded and short-sighted speaker.
What to do
Same rules apply as the nervous glance, only now they're more urgent. If an INF gets to this stage, he has lost any and all interest in your stupid point. His need to attend to other matters is about equal to his unwillingness to offend you by excusing himself, and he's starting to build himself up into a panic. He really needs to go take care of his business. NOW.
This is your absolute last chance to get your point made and end the conversation without a fuss. The INF's amazingly-resilient emotional dam is nearing its breaking point; if you don't stop now, the next step is that dam bursting and the INF becoming vocal. When an INF snaps, all that frustration at being forced to abandon his agenda by listening to your unimportant BS will come out in full force.
Ha,ha. I so do this. I agree with your second post on the matter also.
Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.
How do I show/ tell an INFJ that I really do care about them? (I think I've asked this question a million times already on this site, but I'm always open to new opinions.)
Romanticizing and appealing to his/her idealism would be a really good place to start. I wouldnt suggest being flowery with your words and actions, but as long as your intentions are genuine, this INFJ of yours shouldnt have a problem seeing you care.
I am a lot like a cat. I like affection, but I also like to swan off at a moment's notice and do my own thing. When I've finished doing that, I love coming back to people who seem excited by my return. This is because the excitement is surprising to me; it's a pleasant surprise. In that sense, it's a bit like when you give a cat breakfast, don't see them all day, but when they come back in the evening you say "Where have you been all day! I bet you've been having adventures!" The cat looks at you with its classic cat-like "...What?" expression, but then you are affectionate to it and it starts purring and wants to sit on your lap. I like that sort of affection because I like a soft-landing after having been in my thoughts all day. My thinking is frequently challenging.
I'm not very good at managing my moods, so if I'm feeling playful please make an effort to play as well! You'll only have to do it for a bit and then you can go back to whatever you were doing beforehand. I found that my closest friends were the ones who allowed me to flounce into their house/room, be silly/talk to them, and then get back to what they were doing after I leave. I suppose it's a bit selfish, but it's also very spontaneous. If you're spontaneous with me, we'll be the best of friends.
If you've got a problem with me, talk to me about it gently, don't lecture me or shout. I will feel bad immediately if I have upset you (assuming your complaint is reasonable) and shouting at me will just make me feel worse. This would probably result in me leaving you alone for the rest of the day, while I take some time to analyse everything. I'll come back to see you when I feel a bit happier. Since I feel that I've disappointed you, I'll automatically assume you don't want to see me. I'll go somewhere where you can't interact with me - a bedroom; a park; to a friend's house. Sometimes people think this is cowardice, like I'm running away from the fight. That's not true, but I do need "the air to clear". It's important that I work through my emotions before I speak to you again, otherwise you will just get pure anger/frustration/disappointment, etc. It's hard for me to admit to my wrongs, but I know that I make them. If I make an apology, it is sincere.
If you want to be a good friend, recognise how I am different from other people you know. I'm not saying you have to put me before them, but just understand that I am different. The stereotype of INFP 4w5 is a quest for uniqueness, but don't forget we are also quite rare. If you're wise enough to respect the different qualities I posses, then you can enter the "inner sanctum" of my friendships. This is where I will give you good advice, help you with your problems, be there for you, do things with you, and show you how I see the world. I don't do that for just anyone; there is a sharp distinction between friend and acquaintance. I am tender-hearted, and when people are "the object of my affection", they get a lot of attention.
Talk to me about whatever you want. I am a very good listener. I can talk to you about any subject, just make sure you are knowledgeable about it and it enthuses you. I do not particularly care about planes, but I can talk to you about flying if that's one of your favourite things in life. I enjoy watching people talk about their passions. Try not to bore me by being overly techincal, though; the interesting bit is why you like the things you like. I also enjoy engaging, descriptive discourse. If you're a sensor, let me know how things actually felt (physically). It makes for a good story.
If you met me, you would not think I was shy, but remember that I take things like giving gifts or writing notes for you very seriously. I find it very difficult to give gifts sometimes, because the special ones are always steeped in sentiment. I want to please the people I treasure, and even flippant comments about such things as presents can clip my wings. If I genuinely like you, there is a real reason for it. There is, in that feeling of "friendship", "companionship", or "love", a purity which is difficult to describe, but that is very much felt. I try to show it to you in ways in which I think you might understand. Making even a little joke about it is hurtful; it's like when a moth is drawn to a lightbulb, but is burnt when it gets too close.
That girls are raped, that two boys knife a third,
Were axioms to him, who'd never heard
Of any world where promises were kept,
Or one could weep because another wept.
-Reassure me that I'm important to you and a priority.
-Don't flatten me with unreasonable anger. I'll try to defuse it first, then when that doesn't work I'll get upset and scared, then I'll get angry. It could be ugly.
-Try to understand me. Don't invalidate my feelings. Accept that some things just aren't important to me at all (although if it is important to you, I wil make it at least a little bit important to me), but that other things are overwhelming and consuming for me and they may not be things that you find so important or crucial.
-Realise that it takes me a long time to work through painful experiences and that there may be loose ends to tie up for a long time, and in fact that I may never 100% get over it.
-Realise that if I give you some kind of gift and it seems surprisingly well chosen, it wasn't just a shot in the dark. I thought a lot about what you like, what it would mean between us, what ways you would enjoy it etc. If you get a gift like that from me you probably mean quite a lot to me.
-If I tell you about the following: my difficult emotional experiences; my artistic obsessions; my concerns over how people see me; the best and worst moments in my life; and if I also vent to you and maybe even express some irritation with you - it is a big thing. It is not just an interesting conversation. It's a major bonding thing for me and if you don't want to encourage me to feel that way, you probably shouldn't engage in those conversations with me.
-Do not play with my feelings. Do not tell me how much I mean to you, and then do things that contradict this. Do not send me mixed messages. Do not place me in an important position in your life and then downgrade me and assume I'll be fine with that without you consulting my feelings. I may end up writing you out of my life, judging you harshly and disliking you.
-Recognize that if you treat me nicely and make an honest effort to understand me and to care about the things that matter to me, I will be extremely devoted and passionate and will do anything for you.
i second the comment that infps are like cats, we are independent but we like affection
- the way people say things is sometimes more important than what they say even criticism in a nice tone will make me take it on board easily but harsh mocking tone when criticizing i get down on myself or irritable, what can i say 'im sensitive as hell
- accept my weirdness and try to understand me, i am devoted and caring to people who do this
- nothing makes me happier than genuine hugs, a happy infp is something to behold lol
- i can sometimes appear cold when i feel/care about people a lot, give me time to open up to you and express my real personality
- accept my need for space sometimes, i like to reflect, chill out sometimes alone, i always come back recharged and happy
- be honest and be yourself, i admire both qualities
- im the biggest romantic sap, please dont judge me for this