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  1. #1
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Default Do NFs Carry Torches For Past S/O More Often?

    Do NFs carry torches for past loves more often than other types? Most NTs I know, minus one, close the door for good. Most SPs I know just never look back.

    Are NFs more likely to found pinning for a past love, even after they are in another LT relationship or marriage?

  2. #2
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I pined for the only other guy I dated for over a year, but mentally shut it down when he married. Shortly after that, I met my husband. It was like a distant star on a sunny day. No comparison. I'm left with the occasional mild curiosity and deep thankfulness that I escaped from what would have been a miserable life.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  3. #3
    Allergic to Mornings ergophobe's Avatar
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    Certainly longer than the actual relationship/whatever but not indefinitely. I'm with all other NFs in the painful over analysis of every romantic interaction. After this is complete, the door is firmly shut.

    The process of convincing myself, killing the hope (irrepressible idealism/optimism) slowly about the prospect of things still working out is a long one. After the analysis, when I have a long enough list of why things wouldn't have worked out, the list of needs said person could never meet, incompatible traits, timing.....it's done. It's final and so liberating. Only when this is done, would I be open to meeting new people. Anything short of that is a recipe for disaster and unfair to a new prospect.

  4. #4
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    god no...it takes me so long to make the decision in the first place that after i do...i mean it.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

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    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    The only things I carry around are the things I couldn't figure out. I had a friendship with a man where I couldn't plumb the emotional depths to find what I could accept as a truth. There are times I still wonder, but I will never know about that now.

    But I would guess that NF's are likely the type to mourn over an unrequited love or a relationship gone wrong from a communication perspective more-so than other types.

  6. #6
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I'm left with the occasional mild curiosity and deep thankfulness that I escaped from what would have been a miserable life.
    I've been there. I'm still thankful I let mine walk now that I can see it clearly.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  7. #7
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    I just finished reading, "The Five Men Who Broke My Heart" by Susan Shapiro. As a married woman in her early 40's(I think), she goes and finds the five most significant men in her romantic life to figure out what happened and what the attraction was all about. I wondered rather or not she was an NF. Who else would do something like that? I've read numerous articles written by people who are still in love, after decades and marriage and children, with some other person. I can't imagine these people being anything other than idealist, but an NT friend of mine just professed his undying love after 8 years, marriage, and children, so maybe it's more of an N thing.

  8. #8
    Cat Wench ReadingRainbows's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer View Post
    I just finished reading, "The Five Men Who Broke My Heart" by Susan Shapiro. As a married woman in her early 40's(I think), she goes and finds the five most significant men in her romantic life to figure out what happened and what the attraction was all about. I wondered rather or not she was an NF. Who else would do something like that? I've read numerous articles written by people who are still in love, after decades and marriage and children, with some other person. I can't imagine these people being anything other than idealist, but an NT friend of mine just professed his undying love after 8 years, marriage, and children, so maybe it's more of an N thing.
    I wonder if it might possibly be a low self esteem thing more than a type trait.
    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    St. Stephen took rocks and St. Sebastian took arrows. You only have to take some jerks on an internet forum. Nut up.

  9. #9
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rainbows View Post
    I wonder if it might possibly be a low self esteem thing more than a type trait.
    I don't know, from what I've been reading, it doesn't seem like it. Apparently, it's common, and so long as it's not pre-orchestrated, when people who have carried a torch for someone meet up again irl and manage to marry, they typically have a higher rate of marital success and happiness than any other group.: Old flames reunited make the most lasting marriages - Science, News - The Independent

    The break ups are usually circumstantial, and not as a result of the two people not getting along.

  10. #10
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I don't think NFs are more likely to do so. I think that everyone is susceptible to this, depending on how they were hurt. I've known my share of NTPs for instance that carry this bagage with, without even knowing it, and retiring from the field or trying to because of what happened in the past. And I'm pretty sure they aint the only ones who respond that way, nor are NFs.
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