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  1. #1
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Default NFP's: SO+ children

    So once again I had some thoughts on my mind, and once again they relate to SO's and/or children. [For those who are keeping track, yes this has been on my mind a lot lately].

    So I am curious fellow NFP's, where did you meet your SO? Also, for those of you who have children, did you always know that you wanted to, or knew once you met your SO, or knew once it happened, or something else? Expressed differently, when did you know that you wanted to have children?



    Potentially-boring stuff about me, read at risk of your own boredom:
    And since I like to answer questions myself that I ask of others, I don't have an SO nor do I have any children. Fwiw, growing up I always thought I "wouldn't be in the world" by the time I was 30 either cuz a) I would have fought in and died in some war [I did grow up wanting to be an Army Ranger and then SF/green beret, such stereotypical INFP callings right? ] or b) I would have "left the world" to go live in some buddhist monastery in Asia somewhere. One of the biggest lessons of my life ~10 years ago was that I don't actually need to do that. But I still dream sometimes! :rolli:

  2. #2
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    ?

  3. #3
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Where did I meet S/O: Online
    Children: I always wanted children. I used to want about 7. Then I wanted 5, until we fostered a relative(who is still like our own) for some years. Then, when we had our biological child, I decided I wanted three, until he turned three, and then I decided.....I'll settle for one.

  4. #4
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    Where did I meet S/O: We met in college. We were friends first. We got married 3 years ago.
    Children: starting in my mid-20s I wanted children, but it didn't coincide with meeting my s/o. I don't remember through my sleep deprivation haze why I decided I wanted children.

  5. #5
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Yes Scott, children are a preoccupation for you lately.

    Some smart girl needs to snap you up. I am sure you will be a very loving and nurturing father.

    I met my hubs in university and got engaged shortly thereafter. We started a family a little sooner than planned ie my son was a surprise but my daughter - I WANTED to get pregnant again. Pure raging biological urge there. Because I was in my mid-twenties and now married with two kids, there wasn't much contemplation on the topic. We were already there.

  6. #6
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I'm alone right now, but I've met the ones I had through many different methods: friends, interests, online, friend of relative, classmate... Actually, the only one missing is bar pickup, and I'm not really enthused to try that.

    The idea of kids was an inevitability in the back of my mind for years; though it has turned into more of a want, recently. I figure three should be enough, though I'd be happy with just one. It's really going to depend on how enthused or unenthused the woman is going to be if and when I find her.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  7. #7
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I met mine online, 11 years ago. I've always said I didn't want children as I have no connection with them, though my bioclock has been activated of late, and I'm less nervous around kids. So who knows (god help me). So far though, the plan is still to skip that step
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #8
    Senior Member stigmatica's Avatar
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    Met my SO junior year in HS. We dated once, and never talked again until years later when she wrote me a letter out of the blue. I was in the military at the time, stationed in Ft. Benning, GA. Started pen paling via letters (pre-net age) and making the 10 hour round trip drive to visit as many weekends as I could. When I exited the military, we were married shortly after. Will have been married for 15 years next month.

    Kids? I have two. Did I know I wanted them as a teenager? Yes.

  9. #9
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    For those of you seeking children I know of two good ones up for grabs:

    1) An awesome, only slightly messy, pimply, stinky ENFP teenage boy. Showers occasionally. Looks alright and actually tried to vacuum the otherday. Comes free with xbox 360 and cat and seven skateboards in varying states of disrepair.

    2) vomiting toddler. OCD IXTJ who has issues not wearing pants and the shoes with the green laces. IT MUST BE THE GREEN LACES. Likes to play outdoors, loves to mop, unload the dishwasher, set the table, scrub the floors, and anything else which requires strict following of preset ritualistic order. (green laces) Also into household pet domination, domination of total strangers and elimination of teenage siblings. Likes dora the explorer. Comes with one month supply of toiletries.

    Both are free with if you cover shipping costs. No refunds or returns.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    Yes Scott, children are a preoccupation for you lately.

    Some smart girl needs to snap you up. I am sure you will be a very loving and nurturing father.
    I know... Updating to current life situations and looking forward to the future. Having spent [or if you prefer: lost] so many years in grad school, I feel like I am younger than my actual age and I'm trying to play catch up if you will.

    Women of Denver/Boulder, Hawaii, New Zealand, or wherever else I may end up, pay attention to Peacebaby's advice

    You know, I actually enjoy housecleaning "in reasonable doses", maybe I should put that on my online dating profiles...you know, when I get back to those, someday...


    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I met mine online, 11 years ago. I've always said I didn't want children as I have no connection with them, though my bioclock has been activated of late, and I'm less nervous around kids. So who knows (god help me). So far though, the plan is still to skip that step
    I've never had any "desires" that I know of to have children, well almost never I guess just occasional daydreaming, but I feel like age will "ware me down" on this issue and or meeting future SO will all of the sudden provide the context I've never had. Time changes many things, who is to say what the future may hold.


    Quote Originally Posted by stigmatica View Post
    Met my SO junior year in HS. We dated once, and never talked again until years later when she wrote me a letter out of the blue. I was in the military at the time, stationed in Ft. Benning, GA. Started pen paling via letters (pre-net age) and making the 10 hour round trip drive to visit as many weekends as I could. When I exited the military, we were married shortly after. Will have been married for 15 years next month.

    Kids? I have two. Did I know I wanted them as a teenager? Yes.
    Ooh, another NFP who spent time in the military, I will have to ask you about this. Ft. Benning, were you infantry I assume?



    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    For those of you seeking children I know of two good ones up for grabs:

    1) An awesome, only slightly messy, pimply, stinky ENFP teenage boy. Showers occasionally. Looks alright and actually tried to vacuum the otherday. Comes free with xbox 360 and cat and seven skateboards in varying states of disrepair.

    2) vomiting toddler. OCD IXTJ who has issues not wearing pants and the shoes with the green laces. IT MUST BE THE GREEN LACES. Likes to play outdoors, loves to mop, unload the dishwasher, set the table, scrub the floors, and anything else which requires strict following of preset ritualistic order. (green laces) Also into household pet domination, domination of total strangers and elimination of teenage siblings. Likes dora the explorer. Comes with one month supply of toiletries.

    Both are free with if you cover shipping costs. No refunds or returns.
    Hey!!! NO trying to sell off your own kids!



    So I went to one of my favorite malls today, the one where when I go there I'm usually like "Hey, these parents seem interested in and involved with their kids, maybe I could do the kids thing someday", as opposed to say another mall where 100% of the time I go there I see kids of uninvolved parents and my thought is "little monsters!!!" But alas, I didnt get any "maybe I will have kids someday???" vibes this time. More than anything it was a "hmmm, remind me again WHY I would want to do this???"

    I feel like I totally have the nurturing thing going on, and basically always have, its all the other stuff that concerns me. Expectations, time requirements, practical details [shopping, money, toys, diapers], what if your kids are really loud and demanding, becoming a personal shuttling service, fits and temper tantrums, etc.

    But I've still got plenty of time, so maybe when I'm more like in my mid or late 30's??? Maybe I just need to give adequate time/expression to my inner buddhist/taoist monk self first and then I'll be ready???

    Anyways, thanks for the inputs and keep it coming.



    addition: I don't know about other NFP's, but for me, I feel like I need to calm back down a lot and get more of my patience back. I've been through some pretty "intense" experiences in my past, and have done some pretty crazy "stuff" [for those who are good at reading between the lines, yes I was going to pick a different word there] as well. Have other NFP's either needed to find their "teddy bear" self before having kids, or as in my case reconnect with their "teddy bear" self?

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