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Thread: NFP Idealism

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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Default NFP Idealism

    NFPs, do you ever feel like you are just too idealistic? That your standards and values are too hard on other people? How do you turn off the idealistic switch in your head, and do you come to terms with the reality that the way the world/life works is rarely comparable to your own ideals of how it should be?

    Feel free to give concrete examples to illustrate your points/experiences.

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    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I've often felt out of touch with this world because of what you just stated.

    Over the years, I've found that my ideals themselves weren't the problem. It was more of a...finetuning them and the methods used to bring them into the world and apply them to reality. The more you understand reality, the world and people around you, and the more you understand yourself and why you adhere to a certain value, the more you can make a synthesis from both, find common ground and a way to have them positively influence each other
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    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I don't think my ideals are really too hard on other people, as I generally keep other people out of them.

    At times it definitely can be a source of frustration though. Don't know how to turn it off.

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    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    actually i think they just make me harder on myself...i expect myself to live up to them...but maybe that's a bit of what you mean too.
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    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Outsider View Post
    I don't think my ideals are really too hard on other people, as I generally keep other people out of them.
    Well maybe the dynamic is slightly different with INFPs, the more socially shy anyway, but I can be pretty vocal about things I find unfair.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lady X
    actually i think they just make me harder on myself...i expect myself to live up to them...but maybe that's a bit of what you mean too.
    Sure, that happens too. But I mean it more along the lines of, and using a MBTI analogy, expecting Js to behave like Ps or Ts like Fs. Or pointing out how illogical and unfair some of the SJ rules are. Etc etc.

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    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    I feel like I often have too "high standards" when it comes to other people and when they don't meet the expectation I find myself shunning them and coming up with reasons as to why they're unsatisfactory in my head. But then my sub-reality comes to a screeching halt and I realize the person isn't so bad at all and my ideals are just a bit too hard on people.
    I don't think my ideals are really too hard on other people, as I generally keep other people out of them.
    this as well.

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    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    NFP's are very much like this- calm and laidback one minute, pissy and idealistic the next minute.
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I've stopped expecting the average homo sapien to measure up; it's pointless and I have better things to waste my time on. My friends typically measure up to a standard I've set for them, so I've had no issues there. The only one who truely disappoints is myself and I can deal with that.
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    12 and a half weeks BerberElla's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I've often felt out of touch with this world because of what you just stated.

    Over the years, I've found that my ideals themselves weren't the problem. It was more of a...finetuning them and the methods used to bring them into the world and apply them to reality. The more you understand reality, the world and people around you, and the more you understand yourself and why you adhere to a certain value, the more you can make a synthesis from both, find common ground and a way to have them positively influence each other

    Case of the rest of the world just being sucky? lol because that's what I think. I don't think my ideals are too high, I think everyone elses are too low.

    Then when I stop acting immaturely, I agree with everything else you then followed on with.
    Echo - "So are you trying to say she is Evil"

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    Plumage and Moult proteanmix's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    NFPs, do you ever feel like you are just too idealistic? That your standards and values are too hard on other people? How do you turn off the idealistic switch in your head, and do you come to terms with the reality that the way the world/life works is rarely comparable to your own ideals of how it should be?

    Feel free to give concrete examples to illustrate your points/experiences.
    Good question! I think this is one of the key differences between NFJs and NFPs. It feels to me that NFJ idealism takes a different form although I'm not quite sure how to describe it.

    A great of example of this happened a couple of weeks ago when me, my INFJ coworker, and my ENFP coworker where talking about antibiotic use in animals. As the conversation continued, I remarked that if I could go back to college again, I'd be interested in being an virologist.

    My ENFP coworker instantly said, "You can still do it!" And me being me said eh, not really. She's like why not? I'm like, I'll more than likely have to go back to school and take a bunch of science classes and other prereq's; I'll accumulate more school loans which I really don't want, I have a mountain of family responsibilities that I have no clue when they will ease up...just different things that makes going back to school for virology highly unlikely. I have better chances of going back to school to become a lawyer or something.

    We continued talking about this further and the more encouraging/You Can Do It! she was the worst I felt like I was giving a bunch of excuses about why I couldn't instead of looking for reasons why I can. What made me feel bad is I felt like she wasn't acknowledging very real obstacles that could impede the realization of "dreams." Actually the conversation went on and we started talking about when/if ever someone should give up on a dream.

    When the INFJ and I were alone, I asked her did I seem like I was being too negative and pessimistic. I think her answer is a key difference between NFJ and NFP. The two of us seem to be more acknowledging of road blocks and hindrances not for the sake of complacency but maybe as a way to substantiate that people have very legitimate and real fears or life circumstances that make pursuing a dream difficult. I think by acknowledging those things and creating a plan to eliminate or lessen the severity of those obstacles is a better method that just saying "You can do it!"

    I felt like my ENFP coworker was glossing over the fact that when I told her my school debt is not imaginary; I owe money and I don't to add any more debt it wasn't just a matter of me not being determined enough. I'm definitely more realistic than she is and she's admitted she's an eternal optimist. She's good to have around and I like her, it's just that sometimes I feel like if I say my more negative thoughts and feelings with her because I'll get a "buck up sunshine!" She's also a crisis counselor and her natural sunny disposition is great in that line of work...I think there's definitely many places for her attitude towards life.
    Relationships have normal ebbs and flows. They do not automatically get better and better when the participants learn more and more about each other. Instead, the participants have to work through the tensions of the relationship (the dialectic) while they learn and group themselves and a parties in a relationships. At times the relationships is very open and sharing. Other time, one or both parties to the relationship need their space, or have other concerns, and the relationship is less open. The theory posits that these cycles occur throughout the life of the relationship as the persons try to balance their needs for privacy and open relationship.
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