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Thread: NFP Idealism

  1. #21
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Sounds good to me...and I was mostly definitely thinking about the emotionally/social disruptions that can not just the material/financial ones. On the family front I think 'do I want to overburden my siblings with taking care of my parents while I'm off in school?' 'Will I be willing to do the same if they decide they want to go to school?' 'Will I be able to handle the pressure of working and going to school?' 'What if the program I'm interested is on the other side of the country' I mean all these questions can't be ignored or remain unanswered for me and I'm not comfortable winging it with such major issues.
    This could be a failing on my part. I may make these decisions somewhat self centrically and assume others can support themselves-that pesky Te standard thing. I need to think on that....For instance I chose to go to grad school in michigan rather than Texas where all of my family was-knowing this would take my son away from grandparents, as I wanted the experience. In retrospect it was a selfish decision made as I did not want another person telling me what I should do ie where to go to school.

    It was fine in the end but very self centric in retrospect.

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Ne-Monster: how do you explain me then?
    Let me think-I dont understand INFPs very well but maybe Si for planning? Udog where are you?????

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ne-Monster View Post
    Te is cruel and unforgiving. It holds me and everyone around me to high standards and lets me clearly know where I have failed. It is the voice in the back of my head when I want to quit that says "suck up and get back to it".

    Fi is the forgiveness factor above that allows other people leniancy, if you are not horrific I will have some level of Fi automatic caring for you. I get no leniancy personally though.

    However when involving hurting others both Fi and Te step up and can be very harsh and critical to others. It suprises me when others are very unaware of how thier actions affect others around them and inflict harm. When I see this I have to spend some time thinking on how they could not see what they do. Once I understand thier weaknesses/blind spots I can forgive them very easily.

    Maybe this is why enfps feel we have to understand others. Te has exceptionally high standards but Fi has exceptional forgiveness for others. By understanding the other person as much as possible, it allows us to calibrate our response-our standards-to their actions and respond accordingly and not be overly idealistic. We understand how they differ and accept them fully, embracing those differences and forgiving as slights they may inflict.

    Does this sound nuts?
    From a third party perspective it seems like the understanding of someone helps ENFPs focus Te in a better direction for that person. Without that understanding you are really shooting in the dark with Te and may try to help in ways that dont work. Not to keep bringing this up and I do realize I keep pushing this, but it was the only example I could think of. Your ex kept bugging you to take salt baths for pain and you dont like them. It is very good Te advice, but its just general advice, not personalized. While the advice may be good, it will not always be followed. The understanding allows you to forgive and to give help in the right direction which the other person will be more likely to follow and will be much more help to them. The lack of understanding is what really drives a tertiary Te to question how effective they are in helping others.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Nice replies, people.

    Quote Originally Posted by Strawberrylover View Post
    When I've happy-bombed my friends like your coworker has, it's my way of showing them that life can take inexplicable turns for the better sometimes. Maybe you'll get a financial aid package to help you through school. Maybe you can get family members and friends to help out. You don't know what will happen in the future, so why dwell on the obstacles in your mind -- I guess that's my take on things.
    Yeah, I do it in a way that makes others see the good possibilities. But I'm always careful to temper it all with my high Ti.

  4. #24
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    The only one who truely disappoints is myself and I can deal with that.
    But it's not easy. I hear what you are saying. I hold myself to a very high standard, so much so it can be exhausting. But then I wouldn't be me without it. A curious oxymoron it is.

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Ne-Monster: how do you explain me then?
    What do you want to understand my kitty? Tell me.

  5. #25
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeaceBaby View Post
    What do you want to understand my kitty? Tell me.
    This:
    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    proteanmix: Is it then weird that I also have a decent grasp of the roadblocks to any of the dreams I have?
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #26
    reborn PeaceBaby's Avatar
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    Yes, but elaborate - I want to understand what you mean more fully. Do these roadblocks prevent you from acting, or do you see the roadblocks and then feel defeated? Do you chart them out? I see roadblocks too ... I don't think it is weird, it's being realistic. But I often look for clever and strategic ways to solve these problems. My idealism makes me believe there must be a way to fix any given issue, if probed and explored completely enough.

    So elaborate for me if you wish.

  7. #27
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Some roadblocks I know I can work with or around; others I'd rather not, but those have more to do with different kinds of health or moral concerns.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by proteanmix View Post
    Happy bombed! I hate being happy bombed. :SaiyanSmilie_anim: Just joking, but not really.
    How do people who resist being happy bombed come across to you?
    They do come off kind of pessimistic and make me feel like I'm hitting a wall. With close friends, if I can't make them see the light at the end of the tunnel, I can take it personally sometimes and wonder if they're just not listening to me on purpose -- which is an unfair assessment, I know.

    I wonder if this is more an extroverted function v. introverted function thing instead of a J/P thing. Don't extroverted functions tend to be more linear and looking toward the future and introverted functions more "webbed" and taking account of the past?

    I think that when I'm reflecting and kind of sunk into my Fi, I probably come across to people the way you came across to your coworker. When I'm in that state, I need to talk things out as a way to let go of my anxieties. Meanwhile, my Fe friends would try to happy-bomb me in their own ways, saying things like: Just forget about it, go out and party, you're awesome!! And really, that just makes me feel misunderstood and doesn't help at all. Like, if I could forget about it, don't you think I would've already? Grrr.

    In those situations, what I really need them to do is just affirm that my difficulties do exist, and in the simple act of listening to me, help me figure things out piecemeal. --> Sounds like that's what you were looking for from your coworkers as well.

  9. #29
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    From a third party perspective it seems like the understanding of someone helps ENFPs focus Te in a better direction for that person. Without that understanding you are really shooting in the dark with Te and may try to help in ways that dont work. Not to keep bringing this up and I do realize I keep pushing this, but it was the only example I could think of. Your ex kept bugging you to take salt baths for pain and you dont like them. It is very good Te advice, but its just general advice, not personalized. While the advice may be good, it will not always be followed. The understanding allows you to forgive and to give help in the right direction which the other person will be more likely to follow and will be much more help to them. The lack of understanding is what really drives a tertiary Te to question how effective they are in helping others.
    Ah, but he bundles it up with Fe. If he would Te propose a solution I could logically explain my preference, identify an alternative, then explain logically why I chose that alternative.

    However instead he uses Fe. He sort of layers emo, unspoken "I care for you and want you to do this, so you should do it if you care for me" vibes. But I dont want to do it....

    So then I "feel" he is unhappy with Fi, get bits of Fi-guilt-pain, then I get angry and resentful as I dont see a clear way to resolve the issue, except taking a salt bath which i dont want to do.

    An even more hysterical example are road bumps-we have these giant ones in my neighborhood. So he comes one day to pick up the kids and is like "yeah the shocks on my car are getting all messed up....It's the road bumps in your neighborhood. They are huge...." but all said with this sad emo tone. WTF can I do about the road bumps??? Yet I still feel guilty as he seems to be emo-sad and it makes my Fi all sad.

    It is weird and I dont understand it at all. But his emo, not his ISTP callousness is what I cant take.

  10. #30
    Senior Member Clonester's Avatar
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    I wouldn't trade my idealism for the world.


    Wait, taking over the world is my ideal. Can I possibly trade my idealism for the thing I idealize? Then I wouldn't idealize it anymore. How do I wrap my brain around this one...
    ENFP Male: E-74% N-95% F-58% P-84% 3w2
    "I feel there are two people inside me - me and my intuition. If I go against her, she'll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely." -Kim Basinger

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