[ENFP] ENFP: tired of being me

[JoyOfTraveling]

I love being an ENFP.

One thing I wish I could do though, is cut myself loose from toxic relationships.

Although I can be a social butterfly, I will tend to grow close to only a few and to those few I will be supremely loyal. Sometimes, too loyal until I can forget about myself and be blind to people who use me.

So so so true- I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me but I realise its just that I am an ENFP!

I tend to become very loyal to a company too even if they are doing something wrong, I'll hold the fort externally- even to my confidantes! Weird or what?!

 

[LastTangoThenParis]

Does anyone ever think of something to say, then halfway through saying it think "No, that's stupid, say something else" then think "but you're already saying it, you'll look weird if you just stop" and so on and end up standing there looking like an idiot while they watch you expectantly?

I do that all the time.

Every. Single. Day.
Although my closest friends are used to it at this stage, and often stop me and ask if it's one of those times. I still end up feeling moronic though, especially as I tend to build things up to be tremendously exciting and realise half way through it'll be a disappointment.

One of the things that frustrates me most about being an ENFP is how flaky I am. When that aspect of my personality manifests positively, I'm a social butterfly and all is well, but when it "goes wrong" I'm constantly cancelling plans. Doesn't help that I have friends from all over the place, it's difficult to stay in touch sometimes and I approach the situation as if we're always talking/meeting up, which I think some of 'em find mildly offensive.

 

[skylights]

aw :sad:

it's frustrating sometimes, especially being noncommittal yet having trouble letting go. but we all have our battles...

and then there are those feelings, the mysterious and familiar impression of communing once again with the essence that underlies everything and from time to time surfaces into consciousness, the feeling of being connected to everything around you, of being evanescent yet infinite, simultaneously everything and nothing all in one small single core of being, of ebbing and flowing with the ocean tides and the pulsation of stars, of light and motion and music, of being a part of the grand song and dance of space and time and life and death and everything that makes up the universe, of interweaving circularity and timelessness, of being composed of matter and energy that is as old as the beginning of time and has been a part of countless beings before and will be a part of countless beings to come, the feeling of some kind of deepest communion with being in and of itself...

it's like THE BEST NeFi SYNERGY EVER.
(that, or it's just me being slightly bonkers.)

either way i think it's worth the trade. :blushing:

 

[targobelle]

hey ENFPs . . . do you ever just wish so bad that you weren't an ENFP? Don't you wish that you cared less about relationships? Aren't you so tired of being the one concerned with how the other is feeling or what they are thinking or whether or not THEY are having fun? Aren't you sick of always wanting deeper meanings, deeper conversations more meaningful connections and interactions? Don't you just wish you had more patience? Don't you wish you didn't care so much? Don't you really really really wish you didn't need others acceptance like you do? Don't you wish you could be happy all alone . . . truly happy / satiated / satisfied / fulfilled etc. etc. the way INFJs & INTJs are . . .

maybe i just want some cheering up . . . sorry guys to be such a downer

*curls up in a ball and nods slowly*

 

[Blossom500]

Every. Single. Day.
Although my closest friends are used to it at this stage, and often stop me and ask if it's one of those times. I still end up feeling moronic though, especially as I tend to build things up to be tremendously exciting and realise half way through it'll be a disappointment.

THe very reason I never ever try to tell jokes. They fall flat one their ass. I do like a bit of dry wit every now and then with people who get it - Usually INTJ's or other ENFP's.

 

[LastTangoThenParis]

and then there are those feelings, the mysterious and familiar impression of communing once again with the essence that underlies everything and from time to time surfaces into consciousness, the feeling of being connected to everything around you, of being evanescent yet infinite, simultaneously everything and nothing all in one small single core of being, of ebbing and flowing with the ocean tides and the pulsation of stars, of light and motion and music, of being a part of the grand song and dance of space and time and life and death and everything that makes up the universe, of interweaving circularity and timelessness, of being composed of matter and energy that is as old as the beginning of time and has been a part of countless beings before and will be a part of countless beings to come, the feeling of some kind of deepest communion with being in and of itself...

Oh my, that's gorgeous. I got so very emotional just reading it. Thank you for that.

THe very reason I never ever try to tell jokes. They fall flat one their ass. I do like a bit of dry wit every now and then with people who get it - Usually INTJ's or other ENFP's.

So true. I only ever try to be funny around my best friends, especially my INFP one who seems to "get" me more than others do. Plus, she finds it funnier when I mess it up than when I do it right <_<

 

[Horrible Aesthete]

I'm tired of being me, too, and for largely the same reasons. I will trade you my J for your P and my I for your E.

 

[Pixelholic]

One of the things that frustrates me most about being an ENFP is how flaky I am. When that aspect of my personality manifests positively, I'm a social butterfly and all is well, but when it "goes wrong" I'm constantly cancelling plans. Doesn't help that I have friends from all over the place, it's difficult to stay in touch sometimes and I approach the situation as if we're always talking/meeting up, which I think some of 'em find mildly offensive.

I do this a lot too. My grad school friends have done a pretty good job of coaxing me out to things when I get flaky so I've been fighting against it.

My biggest ENFP problem currently is trying not to care about someone's well being and worry over things I can't control. I guess it's a kind of "singlehandedly save the world" complex that just drains me mentally.

 

[Random Ness]

@revolve;793891: Just so you know I'm an INFJ and I relate with everything except not being able to be happy alone. So most of those are general NF problems and you're in good company there. =( Though it is nice to be able to have fun alone when you're an introvert.

 

[Coco]

Being I is 9485945849 times easier than being E.
And being T 69438659034850923786092375093276986590457809457839476937839 times easier than being F.

 

[tortoise]

hey ENFPs . . . do you ever just wish so bad that you weren't an ENFP? Don't you wish that you cared less about relationships? Aren't you so tired of being the one concerned with how the other is feeling or what they are thinking or whether or not THEY are having fun? Aren't you sick of always wanting deeper meanings, deeper conversations more meaningful connections and interactions? Don't you just wish you had more patience? Don't you wish you didn't care so much? Don't you really really really wish you didn't need others acceptance like you do? Don't you wish you could be happy all alone . . . truly happy / satiated / satisfied / fulfilled etc. etc. the way INFJs & INTJs are . . .

maybe i just want some cheering up . . . sorry guys to be such a downer

Sometimes I wish I could just get down to my feckin' work and do it without feeling the constant urge to ring or IM someone for a chat!

 

[tortoise]

This, but I also worry that if I don't talk I'm being too standoffish and cold and that I need to lighten up and join in the conversation.

Can't ever seem to find a happy middle.

Does anyone ever think of something to say, then halfway through saying it think "No, that's stupid, say something else" then think "but you're already saying it, you'll look weird if you just stop" and so on and end up standing there looking like an idiot while they watch you expectantly?

I do that all the time.

Yep

 

[You]

Every 7 years I'm someone else.

 

[Sioul]

hey ENFPs . . . do you ever just wish so bad that you weren't an ENFP? Don't you wish that you cared less about relationships? Aren't you so tired of being the one concerned with how the other is feeling or what they are thinking or whether or not THEY are having fun? Aren't you sick of always wanting deeper meanings, deeper conversations more meaningful connections and interactions? Don't you just wish you had more patience? Don't you wish you didn't care so much? Don't you really really really wish you didn't need others acceptance like you do? Don't you wish you could be happy all alone . . . truly happy / satiated / satisfied / fulfilled etc. etc. the way INFJs & INTJs are . . .

maybe i just want some cheering up . . . sorry guys to be such a downer

I can empathize with how you are feeling. I love being an ENFP but there are times when I feel the same way...especially with relatinships. In the beginning everything seems so great, because you are just getting in it, but eventually you start walking around on egg shells because you are constantly breaking apart everything that they do and say. "He/she said bye to me differently today, does this mean something? Do they still want to be with me?" or "I wonder if I made them feel bad when I said that comment a 2 days ago, and whether that's the reason why the seem distant today?"

It can be exhausting, always trying to stay in a state of constant connection with the people around you.

 

[phoenix13]

hey ENFPs . . . do you ever just wish so bad that you weren't an ENFP? Don't you wish that you cared less about relationships? Aren't you so tired of being the one concerned with how the other is feeling or what they are thinking or whether or not THEY are having fun? Aren't you sick of always wanting deeper meanings, deeper conversations more meaningful connections and interactions? Don't you just wish you had more patience? Don't you wish you didn't care so much? Don't you really really really wish you didn't need others acceptance like you do? Don't you wish you could be happy all alone . . . truly happy / satiated / satisfied / fulfilled etc. etc. the way INFJs & INTJs are . . .

maybe i just want some cheering up . . . sorry guys to be such a downer

I used to feel like this all the time (still do sometimes). What saves me is this thought: Maybe I'm overreacting/overanalyzing. It's the relief function, Te, kicking in. If you can step back and assess whether or not all the emotions are appropriate (for example, "Did Bob actually mean to ignore me, or was he just really busy studying?"), you can save yourself a lot of energy and heart-ache.

As for being accepted by everyone, that need can fade over time. Once you accomplish something or develop some skill that is objectively useful (ex. being a computer whiz, designing a water purification system for a third world country, etc.), you can hold on to that as your source of value instead of whether or not everyone likes you.

Lastly, I don't think INFJs or INTJs have it so easy. They're humans, and humans need to connect with others. In their case, it's a little harder to connect because they're in their heads so often, but that doesn't make things easier (it probably makes things harder).

I know you were just venting, but I think that as you continue to develop and become more balanced, a lot of these problems will decrease in severity.

 

[Jade19]

Yes being an ENFP is hard, really hard. But honestly, we are just so great.

 

[animenagai]

Yeah I do, but I'm a 4w3. Melodrama's in my blood.

 

[Avocado]

Yes! I feel like I'm the only one who cares sometimes. I feel so tired all the time, I just wish I could have my energy back…

 

[Stansmith]

I sometimes hate being a dork. I can only imagine what all the ENTJ 3w4s think of me

 

[skylights]

I commented on this earlier, but I just read the whole thread and felt like commenting again. It's good to hear from ENFP kindred. You all understand.

Sometimes I really wish I weren't an ENFP. Sometimes it feels like we're wired to be the least socially-adjusted, least productive, least independent people. Sometimes it feels like I have no control over my emotions, or my environment. Sometimes I wish I could just approach the world at face value instead of being so affected by implied meanings. Sometimes I wish I was better at being sure of my commitments, that I didn't care what others thought, or that I could just take an hours-long drive alone and not desperately need human interaction again once it was over.

But then sometimes... I'm so glad I care about relationships. My family means the world to me and I try to be a good daughter, sister, granddaughter, and girlfriend, and I'm proud of that. I wish I had time to properly love and care for everyone in the world. I'm so glad I'm concerned about whether everyone is having a good time because I tend to pick up on the people who are being left out or who are feeling particularly down, and I'm good at drawing them back in. I love how I see the world as imbued with magic because I do look for the deeper meanings. It's incredible the sort of patterns that run deep throughout the veins of existence. I like that I can't take a surface-level conversation and not veer it into a conversation about whatever means most in that other person's life, because I think it's important to talk about what matters. I'm glad I'm a future planner and have a hard time stagnating. I'm glad I seek others' acceptance because it has taught me how to connect with all sorts of people and how to reconcile very different points of view. I'm glad I can't be alone for too long because I want to use my life to help others, and I'm probably not being very useful in that way if I'm alone.

Being an ENFP can be so hard but it can also be so rewarding. I can't imagine giving up my warm fuzzy feelings of connection, which to me are the soul of existence. As much as I've fantasized about being some perfectly polished J, I'm also learning how the more I reach into myself to nourish who I am, the more I'm becoming who I want to be. It's like it's already coded into us and we just have to listen and trust that we have the power within ourselves to be everything we need.