I attend a teeny grad school that feels high-schooly in terms of cliques and gossipy attitude. Everybody hangs out only with those in the program, and we work together, in groups, on nearly every assignment. The hours are so long that none of us has a chance to meet outside people.
Here's the problem...I don't fit with this group yet (despite being here a year). I have a good friend or two within the program, but I'm not really a part of the community. Yet I can't get awaaaay!!!
Do you guys have any idea how I could cope with this situation? I'm your textbook ENFP in that I need a HEAPING HELPING of social interaction and also a sense of belonging. How do I survive this place, as an ENFP?
08-18-2009, 02:36 AM #1
ENFP in a toxic environment - coping strategies?
08-18-2009, 02:48 AM #2
I dunno... become an INTP?
Make time to find another community outside the group?
08-18-2009, 10:39 AM #3
08-18-2009, 11:06 AM #4
I'm going to take your advice, at any rate, awkward though it may feel!
08-18-2009, 05:07 PM #5
flirt"Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
— C.G. Jung
08-18-2009, 05:19 PM #6
If you don't want to fit in, then hop in the backseat.
Focus on the few close friends you have and your grades. Sit back and watch. Make it known that you don't want to be sucked in.Is it that by its indefiniteness it shadows forth the heartless voids and immensities of the universe, and thus stabs us from behind with the thought of annihilation, when beholding the white depths of the milky way?
08-18-2009, 11:00 PM #7
08-18-2009, 11:17 PM #8
I think sometimes both INFPs and ENFPs can over-estimate their fears. Your school might be cliquey, but you aren't iced out from the get go. It's not like everyone automatically dislikes you. Also, aren't ENFPs, like, confident? LOL Just fake it!
Knowledge is power and familiarity breeds contempt.
If I were you, I'd become physically familiar with every inch of your campus and familiar with all your programs, professors, etc.
It will make you comfortable and you will "know" your school.
Join a club or two, find something you genuinely like and get involved in your school.
You might want to meet students 1 on 1 or in smaller groups, or in a context where they are courting you (fundraiser, charitable event/group). Ease into it.
Once your feel more comfortable and let your naturally enthusiastic nature out, things will fall into place.
Good luck and keep us posted!
08-19-2009, 12:12 AM #9
I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back now it seems pretty clear that many people didn't give a sh_t about me, and the two most effective strategies I can think of are 1) don't let that affect you, or 2) don't give a sh_t either. I wasn't capable of number 1. I didn't know enough to use 2. To rephrase two "don't waste time/energy/effort/concern carrying/worrying about people who don't care about you."
What helped me was spending my other time trying to "reconnect with me" and doing things I enjoy. My current work environment, and my last one, both have certain parallels with my grad school experiences. Think about if this is really something that you wanna do? What are you willing to give up for it? What aren't you willing to give up? What do you need that they won't give you or that they will take away from you? Find someway to get that from somewhere else AND don't let them take it from you. THAT was what I perhaps found hardest about the whole thing.
hard science and engineering are hostile ground for NFP's. I wish it wasn't so, it doesn't need to be so. But, in most [but not all!!!] of my experience it is. Some things just aren't meant to be. Relationships take two willing partners/sides, you can bring all you want from your side, but if the other side is lacking, you will suffer
08-19-2009, 03:09 AM #10
I'm in med school.... types go like this : ESTJ, ISTJ, ENTJ, couple of ENTPs who are refreshing.. but it's hell for NFP. very little F types.
But I think part of my hell is that I really picked wrong career. I like it but it's not me, it isn't something I wanna do... I know that now.. but i'll finish it since I' more than half way through it. So because of that I'm totally not interested in stuff in school, so.. not enough "spirit" to connect to fellow TJs, which I can if we share something. Here we dont share anything.
sorry OP dont have real advice, except yust try to find friends out of school.
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