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  1. #21
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    my dada passed when I was four, but I dont think it contributed. My 13 year old son is enfp and his dad has always been around. Also my sis in law is enfp and her dad has always been around as well. I am guessing there is a genetic influence somehow, but it is hard to pin down. Seems to skip generations???

    I blame NeTe for the drive to always be more than what we are.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by boondocked View Post
    My ISFJ father was the emotional bedrock for our entire family, so I can't relate to the father thing. However, my mom is an unstable, schizophrenic INFP, so maybe I can relate on that level.

    I definitely spent a lot of time dreaming that things were different, but it wasn't because I didn't love my life the way it was. I just needed to chase something. I was equally fascinated with every new thing that came into my life and bore down on it with curiosity. Dreaming, aspiring was just another way to explore the world.
    You know, I had mother issues, though, too.

    But I still don't see how there's a connection. I could name a list of people of types not ENFP who had issues with EITHER their mother OR their father, sometimes both.

  3. #23
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by marmalade.sunrise View Post
    Why?

    I didn't have a bad male figure, my father figure was a good provider and a traditional ISTJ family man. He doted on me as a small child, and taught me to read at a very young age, and encouraged me to do well in school. I had dance and piano lessons besides my regular schooling.

    We clashed a LOT in my teens, mainly because he was very strict and protective of me, but my personality was already pretty much formed by the time that started going on. And I don't think it's that unusual that we did clash given that he was older than some people's father figures and an SJ, while I was an NFP.

    My point is though, why exactly would you assume that a "bad" father figure (and define "bad"...drunk? unemployed? violent? unfaithful to the mother figure? cruel? absent?) would make a girl be an ENFP.
    Some enfp traits seem like theyr because of bad/missing male figure or other problems with parents(most likely in teen age).

    Bad = not fullfilling the needs of child

    But like i told:
    Naturally you can come enfp even with great father figure

    Your reaction is kinda funny(in a cute way)
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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Some enfp traits seem like theyr because of bad/missing male figure or other problems with parents(most likely in teen age).

    Bad = not fullfilling the needs of child

    But like i told:
    Naturally you can come enfp even with great father figure

    Your reaction is kinda funny(in a cute way)
    I think it's insulting to insinuate that ENFP traits seem to be because of problems with parents, especially since you don't describe in detail exactly what you mean by that. You're just re-stating what you said in the last post. I want details as to why you think that way.

    I mean, I think that some NT traits seem like the person was beaten every time they cried as a child so they grew up to be an overly-analytical, unemotional, occasionally borderline sociopathic robot, but my personal opinion of course is just that, based on my perception alone, obviously doesn't apply to all NTs, and I certainly wouldn't accuse them of all having sadistic, emotionally disturbed parents.

    Or we could say that all SPs had parents which were too permissive.

    I don't think it's healthy to assume these sorts of things, but I really would like for you to explain what you mean in detail.

  5. #25
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JuneBugGemini View Post

    Upon stumbling across another Type forum, I saw something someone posted that hit the nail on the head:

    "ENFPs all seem to be the product of the same upbringing: ABSENT/DISTANT FATHERS???"

    I'm trying to understand why someone would ascribe having absent/distant fathers to a particular personality type---in this case, to ENFPs.

    My first thought is that, even if you took a poll and found that most ENFPs have had absent/distant fathers, it still wouldn't mean much, because there are many people who simply don't report or talk about things like that.


    So, why would someone notice it more in ENFPs?


    Well, I think its helpful to understand that ENFPs are often very open about their past experiences, sharing the ways their personal history shaped their values and personality---sometimes even with virtual strangers, or in the early stages of friendship.

    They can often be heard telling these kinds of stories, and it may be that they are actually trying to sort through their feelings about these experiences at the same time they are sharing them.

    Anyone close to an ENFP will probably attest to this.

    In fact, ENFPs are generally comfortable talking about things most people keep to themselves, including traumatic childhood experiences.


    I think some people assume that childhood abuse/neglect is relatively rare because people who have been abused and/or neglected aren't generally open about it.

    But, if ENFPs who have experienced abuse/neglect are more vocal about it than others, then some people are likely to assume---incorrectly---that ENFPs have experienced it more often than other types.


    This is all just a theory, of course, and so I'm not saying anything definitive.

    I'm just trying to explain one possible reason why someone would make such an observation about ENFPs.



    Quote Originally Posted by JuneBugGemini View Post
    Are there any other ENFPs who share this misfortune? (Or other NFs?)
    For the record---Yes, I can relate to the absent/distant father problem.

    The short version is that I was abandoned by my biological father, then adopted by a workaholic father who I didn't see very often, and then, after my mom abandoned my adoptive father, I spent my late teens with my biological father who didn't provide even my basic needs and was a physically/psychologically abusive drug-addict.

    I can provide more details if it's considered relevant.
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  6. #26
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    ^ This. +1 Wonka.
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  7. #27
    Member dani_elle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I dont think its about dad being around much or not, but more if he gave good male figure for you or not. Naturally you can come enfp even with great father figure, but i bet bad male figure(or missing one) will turn young girl enfp easier than for example entj, entp or enfj.
    Its a pretty interesting theory, but I'm the only ENFP in my family My sister is an INTP and I'm pretty sure my brother is an ExTP.

    Personally, when I was younger I think I identified more towards INFP but the E in me slowly developed when I learned better socializing skills outside my family. Does that make sense? Then again maybe my earlier assessments were due to social phobia and nothing to do with E/I.

  8. #28
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    Hmmm, I believe that MBT type is supposed to become fully expressed in adulthood. Before then, you will have E/I expressed by toddlerhood, then P/J, etc. It's somewhere else on the forum, I think under 'other psychology topics'. As children ENTP and ENFP children supposedly look the same.

    F/T is the last thing that gets expressed and is quantifiable, somewhere in late adolescence?

    I think the expression of certain traits is influenced by upbringing but not their existence.

    That's why it's very possible for Feelers to think they are, well, thinkers because they were raised to be that way and suprress emotionale expression. Or for introverts/extraverts to behave opposite of their natural temperament.

    I don't really think absentee father is statistically significant when it comes to ENFPs. My brother is an INTP and not only were we raised in the same household, he went to boarding school overseas for several years starting in his teens (having an even more distant relationship with both our parents). I am the only Feeler in my immediate family.

    I think statistically, absentee parental figures would cause you to either become more independent to escape the family environment or more responsible to compensate for the family environment. But I think even if you look at 'broken' or dysfunctional families, not everyone reacts in the same way.

    People take on roles partly because of birth order and partly because of natural temperament.

    It is an interesting theory though!
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  9. #29
    Retired Member Wonkavision's Avatar
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    By the way.....For anyone who hasn't looked into Enneagram, it's a helpful tool in seeing the relationship between childhood trauma and personality type.
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  10. #30
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    yeah that makes sense wonka...and yeah tell us about the enneagram stuff....please..sounds interesting.
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