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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by poki View Post
    My experience with ENFJ and ENFP seem to be pretty similiar in the idealist sense. The way they respond to situations though is different. The ENFJ has more of a self protection mechanism(as in hurt shows weakness) and the ENFP once you get close has more of a please dont leave me mechanism. The ENFJ had a rough time growing up and didnt have a good motherly figure(bipolar, drunk, drug attic) and she grew up with her dad. I am not completely sure about the ENFP, but you may be on to something.
    My friend whom I've known since were we 7 is an ENFJ. He's an only child who's lived with his mother most of his life [like me, he's 16] He appears very well-adjusted, he's got a strong sense of faith in God and does well in school, but he's had a hard time dealing with his absent father as well. I believe at one point he spoke to his father about how he had to leave him behind or was going to try to forget him or somethin' like that. He's also in a relationship right now, but I have yet to ask him about that

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I have noticed same thing about distant fathers and enfp. Naturally how the child reacts to distant father depends on the childs personality mostly, but i get the feeling that small kids what have tendency to turn out as enfp do it easier than those with caring father and good male model. I dont know about enfp guys, since i dont know eny of them.
    The only other person I know who's an ENFP male is my other friend, and i don't know how well- or maladjusted he is of late, but his dad is an [easily angered]ESTP and he had a lot of emotional prollems in middle school, and tried to run away from home in 6th grade.

    Now, myself, my father [INFP] was around for the first 10 years of my life. My mother [ISTJ] and he never married, and maintained an on-again, off-again relationship until they ultimately stopped seeing each other. Increasingly, my visits with him became much less and one night when i was 12 he started a fight with my mother's boyfriend (over me, he may have been drunk or summat tho) that made things much difficult for me with him since then (I haven't talked to him in a month :-/) This was also around the time that I started my 'father hunting.' I've only had two boyfriends since i've started high school, but the first one was an ISFJ father type who I liked cuz of how safe he made me feel. But he detected my clinginess and broke it off.
    My current boyfriend is INTP, and it's still slightly difficult because I'm doing all I can to keep the same thing from happening - chronic 'rejection' from males. It all comes back to the father thing - however many times I may have wanted to see him but couldn't, to hear him say how special he thought I was and how much he loved me - something that I unconsciously am on the hunt for now. I also believe that my NFness may have stemmed from seeing the dysfuctional relationship my parents had, making me vow to have something completely different. My father was in a similar situation with his parents, something I oh so lovingly inherited...:steam:

    ...Okay, let me stop here before that becomes a rant, if it hasn't already...(sorry!) But my point is, those basic things are where I see the link and where I think it comes from.

    I also read a few books that sparked this whole thing, in case someone'd like to see.
    Whatever Happened to Daddy's Little Girl? The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black Women by Jonetta Rose Barras
    Life Without Father: Compelling New Evidence That Fatherhood and Marriage Are Indispensable for the Good of Children and Society by David Popenoe
    Last edited by JuneBugGemini; 08-17-2009 at 05:57 PM. Reason: adding some things

  2. #12
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah...i should add there was no distance either with mine...he was very involved and affectionate and we were very close...always...so...losing him at 18...probably not that related to anything.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    My ISTJ father has always been there for his kids. So nope, can't relate.

  4. #14
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    My ISFJ father was the emotional bedrock for our entire family, so I can't relate to the father thing. However, my mom is an unstable, schizophrenic INFP, so maybe I can relate on that level.

    I definitely spent a lot of time dreaming that things were different, but it wasn't because I didn't love my life the way it was. I just needed to chase something. I was equally fascinated with every new thing that came into my life and bore down on it with curiosity. Dreaming, aspiring was just another way to explore the world.

  5. #15
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    N is a sign of a certain type of intelligence. I sincerely do not think it correalates to abuse. Without N, the world would be devoid of many, many wonderful advancements in human civilization. The desire for more is a symptom of imagination.

    I know multiple Ss who came from far more unstable or abusive homes than I did.

    So...no.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Rachelinpa's Avatar
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    adopted here, so maybe that counts. adoptive father very present though.

    the other ENFP i know had a abusive mother, but was always close to his dad.

  7. #17
    Member dani_elle's Avatar
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    Absent father figure?

    My father was rather critical and controlling. Either way, I moved to study in a different country to study in secondary school (thats high school for you!) because education in my native country is favoured towards a different race.

    So yes, absentee as well I suppose. But I prefer absentee to over critical, controlling and unrelatable.

    That being said I don't know if it has any links to my personality (which has mellowed to be friendlier over the years) but somehow I doubt it :P

  8. #18
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    I dont think its about dad being around much or not, but more if he gave good male figure for you or not. Naturally you can come enfp even with great father figure, but i bet bad male figure(or missing one) will turn young girl enfp easier than for example entj, entp or enfj.
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  9. #19
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    My father and I are sorta close. As close as we can possibly be, given the circumstances.

    I was praised when I made decisions that he agreed with, and that reflected that of a masculine mindset. My father is extremely judgemental, and extremely sexist. There are specific places for women in his eyes, and any female stereotype might as well have been carved in the stone the 10 commandments were written on.

    You can see how that'd clash with an independent thinking equality-seeking female like myself. So, while I love him dearly, there is always that bitter arm's length distance between us that I'm sure will never improve.
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  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    I dont think its about dad being around much or not, but more if he gave good male figure for you or not. Naturally you can come enfp even with great father figure, but i bet bad male figure(or missing one) will turn young girl enfp easier than for example entj, entp or enfj.
    Why?

    I didn't have a bad male figure, my father figure was a good provider and a traditional ISTJ family man. He doted on me as a small child, and taught me to read at a very young age, and encouraged me to do well in school. I had dance and piano lessons besides my regular schooling.

    We clashed a LOT in my teens, mainly because he was very strict and protective of me, but my personality was already pretty much formed by the time that started going on. And I don't think it's that unusual that we did clash given that he was older than some people's father figures and an SJ, while I was an NFP.

    My point is though, why exactly would you assume that a "bad" father figure (and define "bad"...drunk? unemployed? violent? unfaithful to the mother figure? cruel? absent?) would make a girl be an ENFP.

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