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  1. #61
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    Ask her out in a vague manner? I'll need an example...
    Just don't say, "hey do you want to go for coffee sometime?" if you've already been hanging out in friend context. How is she supposed to know if this is a friend-coffee or a date-coffee? If she's confused, she will either hold her cards close and not give you much at all, or she'll default into presuming it's a friend-date and you'll read "wrong" signals that could've been prevented if you just said to her something that made it 100% clear that you're interested in seeing the romantic relationship potential. One option is the aforementioned "you have qualities that I look for in a GF, want to go out for coffee to get to know each other" or the other is simply telling her you want to take her out for a date, and then once you say that, you ask her out to coffee. I'm sure there's other variations, but give her 100% clear context that it's "exploring romantic potential" rather than leaving the potential for her to interpret it as a friend date.

    This method is respectful and angst/heartache-saving, not to mention efficient to get that behind you if it wasn't going to work out anyway. Or it means you're that much closer to a relationship.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #62
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    See, sometime is vague even more me. No one the 100% out there, that's a problem; I tend to go 75% and gradually dial it up from there if I don't feel a chill. Then again, that's from the quick shut down I got from an INTP before she, a year later, swung around back.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  3. #63
    The Architect Alwar's Avatar
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    I just go for it and don't piss around at all. I hope OrangeAppled starts a thread on the nice guy stereotype hint hint.

  4. #64
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    See, sometime is vague even more me. No one the 100% out there, that's a problem; I tend to go 75% and gradually dial it up from there if I don't feel a chill.
    You have no obligation to go on a second date with her if it doesn't work out, though. You asked her out for coffee (or a walk, or whatever), not a big expensive meal or anything. If you're not interested, make sure your parting words are said in a way that respects her dignity but doesn't leave her with the impression that you'll be calling. You can say "you're an awesome person. I like x about you, your y quality is cute and your next boyfriend is going to love z about you. I don't think we quite have the same sorts of goals/interests/life plans/"je ne c'est quoi". Or if you're not sure, tell her you're not sure, so you don't want her turning down "the dozens of guys that must ask you out" while you decide.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  5. #65
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I mean if I don't feel a chill from her, no/negative reaction.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #66
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I mean if I don't feel a chill from her, no/negative reaction.
    I am a little confused about what you said earlier "no one 100%."
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  7. #67
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I am a little confused about what you said earlier "no one 100%."
    sorry, meant no on the...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  8. #68
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    sorry, meant no on the...
    Oh. Yeah, that'd probably fall under characteristics that vary from guy to guy. So long as you're being respectful about her feelings and not creating situations where she has to guess your intentions, I don't think there's a wrong method.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  9. #69
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    I try to avoid making her guess, I just dial most of the emotion back to avoid scaring them.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  10. #70
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    She started out interested. Oh well, I still would like to know what kind of move these girls expect.
    Sometimes that happens. Because I hold so much of myself back early on, I've known women to crush on me more because they filled in the gaps than because they actually liked me. Once I start revealing myself, it becomes clear to them I'm not what they were looking for, and they move on.

    And that is fine. I'm pretty comfortable with the fact that I'm not for everyone. Sometimes it does sting a bit, but then again sometimes I'm pretty relieved. Either way, it wasn't going to work out, and it's better to find that out after week 5 than it is after year 2.

    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    I try to avoid making her guess, I just dial most of the emotion back to avoid scaring them.
    Good idea. Here's another good idea: Make your actions congruent to the level of emotion you feel for her. Early on when you have a bit of a crush, use that to try and ask her on a date. That way your crush can grow into love within the context of a romantic relationship. Much healthier that way. And if she's not interested romantically, it's only a crush that needs to be revoked, not some form of love. It's much easier to realign to friendship or simply move on at that point.

    That's the only way I've *ever* had success with dating. EVERY SINGLE TIME that I waited until I felt something 'deeper' with a girl before trying to go down a romantic path, it turned out poorly.

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