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  1. #51
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    This is very true. INFPs can be "AFCs" because they are afraid to take the risks they need to have the relationship they want.

    So they almost try to passively trick a woman into dating them by becoming friends and never making their desires known. Yeah, that's a quick way to become frustrated.
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I find that the "typical nice guy" often equals passive jerk, and they usually possess thinly veiled misogynist views. Doing stuff like becoming a girl's friend to weasel your way into her heart (or bed) is manipulative. Pouring strong emotions onto an unsuspecting woman is overwhelming. That doesn't make you nice. Being reserved and easily embarrassed doesn't make you nice. I just wish these guys would drop the "nice" moniker and realize that their real problem is passiveness and poor social skills. Women don't like jerks, they like guys who aren't clingy and whiny.
    Udog, was your bolded statement in reference to the INFP man being frustrated or the woman being frustrated?

    Because though I did not state it as openly or directly as OrangeAppled did, I was implying similar things. It's disrespectful to behave in such a manner, where feelings that do exist are leaked because the girl can often pick up on the feelings (or they are leaked in an explosive manner such as described earlier in the thread), but yet he totally acts like a BFF and she gets completely confused. It's sort of a mindfuck, and makes women lose trust in men.

    It's one thing to not know this information and do it, but I've told my INFP male guys that they're doing this, and they remain passive and the girl is hurt by it. This is not okay. One must realize that their actions (hanging out with the girl one on one a lot) are affecting her.

    Note: Clearly this isn't applicable to every situation, nor every INFP male. To those whom this does not apply, please disregard. I just thought it important to point out that the passiveness can be hurtful to the girl. Either man up, or walk away from spending so much time with her that you twist her feelings around in unhealthy ways.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  2. #52
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    Udog, was your bolded statement in reference to the INFP man being frustrated or the woman being frustrated?

    Because though I did not state it as openly or directly as OrangeAppled did, I was implying similar things. It's disrespectful to behave in such a manner, where feelings that do exist are leaked because the girl can often pick up on the feelings (or they are leaked in an explosive manner such as described earlier in the thread), but yet he totally acts like a BFF and she gets completely confused. It's sort of a mindfuck, and makes women lose trust in men.

    It's one thing to not know this information and do it, but I've told my INFP male guys that they're doing this, and they remain passive and the girl is hurt by it. This is not okay. One must realize that their actions (hanging out with the girl one on one a lot) are affecting her..
    My statement was directed at INFPs specifically, but I can see how this is frustrating for both parties involved.

    And sadly, INFP males can be so self involved with their feelings, their love, their fear, their need to excuse their actions as being 'nice', that they sort of completely forget about the girl, and start falling in love with the idea of the girl. It's a deeply warped ideal of love that some of us develop.

    And yeah, that's something I had learned from experience. That's a lesson I had to learn the hard way.

  3. #53
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    My statement was directed at INFPs specifically, but I can see how this is frustrating for both parties involved.

    And sadly, INFP males can be so self involved with their feelings, their love, their fear, their need to excuse their actions as being 'nice', that they sort of completely forget about the girl, and start falling in love with the idea of the girl. It's a deeply warped ideal of love that some of them develop.

    And yeah, that's something I had learned from experience. I'm not as innocent as I'd like to be.
    I'm sure you're the kind of guy who grows and learns from his experience, and thus this no longer applies to you.

    (There's no expectations of perfection, just one of respectful interaction.)
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  4. #54
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I'm sure you're the kind of guy who grows and learns from his experience, and thus this no longer applies to you.

    (There's no expectations of perfection, just one of respectful interaction.)
    No one ever came out satisfied when I did it (including myself), so honestly the hardest part was admitting I was doing it. Besides that difficult step, there really isn't any incentive to continue such behavior.

  5. #55
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    INFPs aren't overlooked. They just don't make their move fast enough (i.e. within the first few months) to give the girl a reason to continue to like him. True stories.
    And what must the move entail? I had one girl quit after a month, but I had only seen her 5 times.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #56
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    And what must the move entail? I had one girl quit after a month, but I had only seen her 5 times.
    Sometimes they may just not be that interested. In which case, the sooner you find out about it the better.

  7. #57
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by runvardh View Post
    And what must the move entail? I had one girl quit after a month, but I had only seen her 5 times.
    I don't think there's any universals, and every girl is different, and context matters...

    There's nothing wrong with saying to her, "you have a lot of qualities [such as xyz] that I look for in girls to date. Do you want to go out for coffee sometime to get to know each other better?"

    You don't have to be committed for a full serious relationship--in fact, that's often a bad move. Just be upfront and don't bottle your feelings. Take the lead, be assertive, and don't put her in a situation where she's angsting about whether she's just a friend to you, or whether you're interested in more.

    Don't leave her hanging for long if she's making herself available to spend one on one time with you, especially if she seems the type to be busy or a homebody. I mean, often you know when she's interested very early on, you just don't have 100% confirmation.

    Any data from a guy is better than a black hole that spits nothing out. Don't ask her out to coffee in a vague manner where she's further confused if it's a date or not a date. Give her concretes so she doesn't have to constantly second-guess. That's stressful, and it makes you appear passive. NP is one thing; passivity is another.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  8. #58
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Sometimes they may just not be that interested. In which case, the sooner you find out about it the better.
    She started out interested. Oh well, I still would like to know what kind of move these girls expect.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  9. #59
    On a mission Usehername's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Sometimes they may just not be that interested. In which case, the sooner you find out about it the better.
    Smart man. And though it's difficult, rejection doesn't mean we think badly of you or don't value you. Maybe it's just that you don't smell like the kind of guy we're supposed to make babies with and our biological selves know our genetics are incompatible instinctively.
    *You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.
    *Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason once accepted, despite your changing moods.
    C.S. Lewis

  10. #60
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Usehername View Post
    I don't think there's any universals, and every girl is different, and context matters...

    There's nothing wrong with saying to her, "you have a lot of qualities [such as xyz] that I look for in girls to date. Do you want to go out for coffee sometime to get to know each other better?"

    You don't have to be committed for a full serious relationship--in fact, that's often a bad move. Just be upfront and don't bottle your feelings. Take the lead, be assertive, and don't put her in a situation where she's angsting about whether she's just a friend to you, or whether you're interested in more.

    Don't leave her hanging for long if she's making herself available to spend one on one time with you, especially if she seems the type to be busy or a homebody. I mean, often you know when she's interested very early on, you just don't have 100% confirmation.

    Any data from a guy is better than a black hole that spits nothing out. Don't ask her out to coffee in a vague manner where she's further confused if it's a date or not a date. Give her concretes so she doesn't have to constantly second-guess. That's stressful, and it makes you appear passive. NP is one thing; passivity is another.
    Ask her out in a vague manner? I'll need an example...
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

    INFP, 6w7, IEI

    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

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