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  1. #111
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    Either I'm totally ugly and unattractive or the top bolded is not true.

    This is another myth that so-called "nice guys" tout. Not all women, or even all attractive women, have an easy time dating with men falling into their laps and we just pick and choose. I wish!!!! I go looong stretches with little to no male attention. I do have to make a lot of effort to put myself out there & be vulnerable to get any sincere male attention.

    I am shy and have had a very hard time dating, but it's MY problem. It's not men's fault that I seem aloof. It's not their fault that I don't send clear signals of interest (which for women include being flirty & very warm). These are my issues I have to work on. I don't sit around bemoaning the fact that men can approach women without implications of being desperate, slutty, cougars, whatever. The fact of the matter is, in dating, both genders must make a substantial effort and will be faced with certain gender expectations to live up to. Neither has an easy time.
    Fair enough. Tough on both sides of the coin at times then.

    If the ladies are all about intention and signals and the blokes are all about action and such. How would INFP's be succeed when lacking action and easier with intentions. Imagines prom nights, the girls have intention and the boys have intention. Wouldn't translate well. Besides I was pointing out black and white thinking in terms of how the entire relationship ideology is viewed. In many ways life experience, older people will dispense with the games younger people play and have both intention and action I suppose. And that is where the health of a person comes into play both sides of the equation personally, its all good though.

  2. #112
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    I don't feel like the typical nice guy. I was in a relatively long relationship, which was both awesome and horrible, and after that ended I decided to try different ways of, um...dating. What seems to work best for most of the women I've dated is sending well-timed mixed signals of interest and indifference.

    I suppose that experimenting and finding different ways to solve dating issues would be easy for an infp. It's the acting on those solutions that's difficult.

    It's unfortunate, probably, that I still prefer women who have self-respect and don't play games and don't have the urge to have fifteen children with fifteen different fathers and have their own goals and blah blah blah...... Those are a rare to find and difficult to "keep". >KJLKJIOJKLJD:FOIDJ
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


  3. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by MaybeLogic View Post

    It's unfortunate, probably, that I still prefer women who have self-respect and don't play games and don't have the urge to have fifteen children with fifteen different fathers and have their own goals and blah blah blah...... Those are a rare to find and difficult to "keep". >KJLKJIOJKLJD:FOIDJ

    Yeah...Once we let them vote, there was no going back to the good ol' days...


  4. #114
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    so what to all of this. INFP males want the true thing and are willing to wait for it. It's an example to all others what true love should look like without the rush or the intent, but for it all to happen naturally and unfold at its own pace so that it lasts forever. If NF's are idealists, then INFP's would be the type that is the internal ideal, not just looking for it.

  5. #115
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    I don't know about you but I feel like this. According to the titular article on Wikipedia an Average Frustrated Chump is described as:


    I think that Male INFPs pretty much represent the stereotypical "nice guy" archetype, in that, we are often quite sensitive and reserved when it comes to speaking with the opposite sex/love interests. I often notice myself avoiding girls in general to spare myself the embarrassment of becoming so flustered and end up stuttering/totally making an idiot of myself, and I'm sure that there must be other INFPs who feel the same way.

    I have a hard time believing that women truly want a "nice guy" as they say they do, especially when you see so many women with such jerk-offs, you know?


    The issue here that you are missing is not giving a crap. Women respond to the confidence. For some reason or another, many women are looking for a guy who doesn't seem overly interested. This is the very reason women tend to get screwed over by guys, because for today's day and age their instincts tend to be 'off' on who the nice guys are. Also, like everyone else, they look at physical attractiveness too.

    I think many women are instinctively afraid of stalker types, many not realize the modern stalker is that nice guy at the bar who seems too good to be true. I also think that if a guy seems to desperate they just know he isn't experienced in relationships and is therefore undesirable. The initial impression is all about stereotypes unfortunately, even for people who aren't shallow.

    Be yourself, don't give a crap, even if you like the girl, treat her you would normally treat a stranger you just met, and I think you will have much more success. I know it can be hard to just shut off the nervousness if you like a girl, but the INFPs I know can be very casually funny and charming when they are just being themselves and comfortable. THIS is what the women will like, but of course, everyone changes around the opposite sex but if you can try your best to be yourself, I think you will be much better off.

    Go out and make it a goal to get rejected like 4 times in a night. Sounds stupid, but if you can handle getting rejected by a girl you are into, then you won't have any problems. Most successful guys I know get rejected quite a bit, more than they score. Now that isn't exactly a lot of NFs style, but I think trying something a bit different might work.

  6. #116
    にゃん runvardh's Avatar
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    Sounds like attempting to gain immunity to iocane powder. I guess having the goal of rejection is a paradigm shift that would help with dealling. Interesting.
    Dreams are best served manifest and tangible.

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    I accept no responsibility, what so ever, for the fact that I exist; I do, however, accept full responsibility for what I do while I exist.

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  7. #117
    Senior Member SciVo's Avatar
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    That's one way of looking at it, runvardh. Another might be like life insurance salesmen, who must face nine rejections for every success at a cold call. The 1/3 natural optimists who falsely perceive control over random events do much better in that kind of job than the rest of us, because they're working in a situation where probability is independent, which is unnatural.

    This is related to how casinos sucker so many people who instinctively expect dependent probabilities because of how life is. If three people from your village are eaten by tigers on the path to the watering hole, then maybe you should find a different source of water -- but most casino games have independent probabilities, where (for example) the last roll of the dice has no relation at all to the next one.

    Since every person is different, it's theoretically logical to treat dating like an insurance salesman and remain as optimistic after the ninth rejection as after the first. However, you're the single most common factor in your attempts at relationships; so, it's also rational to get another perspective on your role in creating your reality.

    Um. I haven't actually solved this problem yet. Good luck, and stuff!
    INFP ~ Fi/Ne/Ni/Te ~ 9-2-4 sp/so

  8. #118
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    To a male INFP, a romantic relationship may look like the following scenario...

    Mr. Turtle is on the side of the road. There is a turtle with a smokin' hot shell on the other side of the road. However, Mr. Turtle doesn't like superficial turtle babes, so he decides to observe the lady turtle from afar.

    After days of contemplation, INFP turtle finally comes to the conclusion that the female turtle would be an AMAZING mate. However, INFP turtle knows that there are futuristic death cars coming from both directions of the road. Because his Ne sees possible future failures, he is terrified of making a move.

    One day, the lady turtle hits it off with the big, outgoing, macho Galapagos Tortuous living a few blocks away. Consequentially, INFP turtle spirals into a deep depression and either a.) jumps into the middle of the road to kill himself or b.) makes love to the knothole in a nearby tree stump.


  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    To a male INFP, a romantic relationship may look like the following scenario...

    Mr. Turtle is on the side of the road. There is a turtle with a smokin' hot shell on the other side of the road. However, Mr. Turtle doesn't like superficial turtle babes, so he decides to observe the lady turtle from afar.

    After days of contemplation, INFP turtle finally comes to the conclusion that the female turtle would be an AMAZING mate. However, INFP turtle knows that there are futuristic death cars coming from both directions of the road. Because his Ne sees possible future failures, he is terrified of making a move.

    One day, the lady turtle hits it off with the big, outgoing, macho Galapagos Tortuous living a few blocks away. Consequentially, INFP turtle spirals into a deep depression and either a.) jumps into the middle of the road to kill himself or b.) makes love to the knothole in a nearby tree stump.
    That's genius!

  10. #120
    Senior Member LEGERdeMAIN's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mystic Tater View Post
    To a male INFP, a romantic relationship may look like the following scenario...

    Mr. Turtle is on the side of the road. There is a turtle with a smokin' hot shell on the other side of the road. However, Mr. Turtle doesn't like superficial turtle babes, so he decides to observe the lady turtle from afar.

    After days of contemplation, INFP turtle finally comes to the conclusion that the female turtle would be an AMAZING mate. However, INFP turtle knows that there are futuristic death cars coming from both directions of the road. Because his Ne sees possible future failures, he is terrified of making a move.

    One day, the lady turtle hits it off with the big, outgoing, macho Galapagos Tortuous living a few blocks away. Consequentially, INFP turtle spirals into a deep depression and either a.) jumps into the middle of the road to kill himself or b.) makes love to the knothole in a nearby tree stump.
    I don't know. INFP turtle could very well have a violent fit of jealous rage and push the tortoise off of an abutment and into a deep drainage well.
    “Some people will tell you that slow is good – but I’m here to tell you that fast is better. I’ve always believed this, in spite of the trouble it’s caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles, Bubba…”


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