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  1. #101
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lambchop View Post
    This is an unfortunate by product of society dating back a long way and perputuated by males. Women who try to break out of this stereotype are labeled "aggressive." I think this can hardly be blamed on the female gender.
    You have a point, a lot of the subconscious expectations are based from traditions and stereotypes.


    That got me to wonder about the attraction process.

    Talking to an attractive woman really can make a man lose his mind. lol
    High testosterone in women makes them more attracted to masculine actors such as Daniel Craig, with men favouring the femininity typified by Natalie Portman.

  2. #102
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    Yes the biological clock too, the most masculine reference, the most seemingly able to push the right buttons for the sexual attractions gets the rewards.



    I watched Beauty and the Geek some time ago. The show placed geeks with babes and had competitions. The interesting aspect for me was when an additional Hunk and geeky girl was introduced. The sleaze factor was a turn on and he was flirting and sleeping around, saying being attractive is a 24/7 occupation, he was a bar person. While the babes expressed their emotionality with the geeks who listened, the hunk scored. And visa vis, the geeks liked the geeky girl more because they know they had no chance with the babes.

    Exaggerated example but amused by the premise.
    I would just like to point out that the season you refer to does not match the season whose picture you used.

  3. #103
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scott N Denver View Post
    I would just like to point out that the season you refer to does not match the season whose picture you used.
    omg called out, hahah, yeah you are right. I'm a slacker.

  4. #104
    Senior Member Scott N Denver's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    omg called out, hahah, yeah you are right. I'm a slacker.
    We want more BatG pictures!

  5. #105
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    You are missing the point and thanks for answering.

    I was bringing to the fore why nice guys may be seen as jerky schmucks.
    And that the perception is off, to present how this would feel for a girl had she had to deal with loneliness without attraction and Iíd like to add a biological clock. Yes you can say you'd focus on work, but the fact is your ability to perform would be drastically different then. Then imagine that INFP men are expected to be initiators and masculine when they are neither. Then imagine that a women is brought up in an environment that fosters her needs to emotional intelligence and her social quotient is satisfied much more, as is her drive with a biological clock. In that sense after a relationship you have your baby, then your direction, social needs are maintained. You created life that is propping you up, the loneliness is that much greater for men. Well that is my theory.

    My mother does this and she is married, she is so incredibly lonely she is now a compulsive mess without restraint and will drive any sane person a bit batty. And that's in a relationship with a husband who lacks emotional intelligence.

    I'm trying to challenge the ideas, and the psychology behind the nice effect. Because then yeah women will be just as clingy and whiny with prolonged loneliness.
    Hi there! i'm sorry but i'm just not following you here. if you feel like elaborating, i'd appreciate that. I guess we were talking about two different things regarding women. i was talking about women who can't find Mr Right for whatever reason(s), and how they can become more independent along the way, not clingy.

    If anyone, women or men, 'settle' for someone not their type, then i see long term consequences on the horizon for them. Or maybe not every relationship is meant to last very long; there are many paradigms for relationship.

    The key, I believe, for a person trying to find a mate, is figuring out who he is, and dealing with any issues from life he may have accumulated, if any, that could make him unable to love someone else 100%. Then, after he has done that, he can figure out what type woman he really needs/desires. If he desires one type for, say sex or fun, but another type to marry, there is a problem there, imo, and he wouldn't appear to be ready to find a mate, or settle down. I'm not saying you are like this at all. I'm speaking generally.

    However, you talk of 'hunks' and 'babes' and post pics of a group of perfect stereotypical hotties, then you complain about not being able to find a nice woman who wants you. Just sayin'. Maybe you are conflicted yourself as to what you want. Maybe you are subconsciously sending out that message that nice women pick up on. Do you want a smart, nice companion, or do you want a hot babe to hang on your arm like a trophy?

    But, like most guys, you prolly want both.

    Hey, if INFP guys need a woman to initiate and stuff, I am sure it wouldn't be hard to find that kind of woman. If prisoners on death row can find a woman to love them through being mere pen pals, I am sure hooking up with a woman wouldn't be too difficult, even for an INFP male.
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  6. #106
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    I was bringing to the fore why nice guys may be seen as jerky schmucks.
    You want to know what the difference between a nice guy and a bad boy is? The difference is not that big... It is that bad boys are honest about their intentions, while nice guys lie about them.

    They both want the same thing, though: To sleep with attractive women. Bad boys are just honest and persistent about it. Nice guys pretend to be friends, and it's that hidden agenda that makes them seem like jerky schmucks.

  7. #107
    Senior Member Synapse's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aphrodite-gone-awry View Post
    Hi there! i'm sorry but i'm just not following you here. if you feel like elaborating, i'd appreciate that. I guess we were talking about two different things regarding women. i was talking about women who can't find Mr Right for whatever reason(s), and how they can become more independent along the way, not clingy.

    If anyone, women or men, 'settle' for someone not their type, then i see long term consequences on the horizon for them. Or maybe not every relationship is meant to last very long; there are many paradigms for relationship.

    The key, I believe, for a person trying to find a mate, is figuring out who he is, and dealing with any issues from life he may have accumulated, if any, that could make him unable to love someone else 100%. Then, after he has done that, he can figure out what type woman he really needs/desires. If he desires one type for, say sex or fun, but another type to marry, there is a problem there, imo, and he wouldn't appear to be ready to find a mate, or settle down. I'm not saying you are like this at all. I'm speaking generally.

    However, you talk of 'hunks' and 'babes' and post pics of a group of perfect stereotypical hotties, then you complain about not being able to find a nice woman who wants you. Just sayin'. Maybe you are conflicted yourself as to what you want. Maybe you are subconsciously sending out that message that nice women pick up on. Do you want a smart, nice companion, or do you want a hot babe to hang on your arm like a trophy?

    But, like most guys, you prolly want both.

    Hey, if INFP guys need a woman to initiate and stuff, I am sure it wouldn't be hard to find that kind of woman. If prisoners on death row can find a woman to love them through being mere pen pals, I am sure hooking up with a woman wouldn't be too difficult, even for an INFP male.
    (Do you want a smart, nice companion, or do you want a hot babe to hang on your arm like a trophy?)

    Neither nice nor a trophy thanks. I want to know my partner as an equal who shares the responsibility and maturity when confronted with the ego mind that tends to attract unbalanced anima animus projections. To share the self away from the stereotypes that manifest in the sub culture of the subconscious mind that represents the inequity of what this realm of relationships represent. For then when you can do that can you truly start to know yourself and your significant other. Otherwise the relationships are mirrors reflecting the constant that is the familiar reality from past expirences in present form. That would be kind of sad then, to realise a decade down the time line that you've been dating a mother image, a father image, a family or friends image and neither willing to communicate or have the maturity to get past this to a truer, a healthier image of what it means to self actualise together rather than holding onto false images that seemed familiar but are too raw to live with. Then end up like magnets totally repelled and wonder why on earth are you moving from image after image only for this to be a short lived experience. while a needed experience. for all relationships are needed in personal growth to that which is most wanted, a partner to match your emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual realities as much as possible.

    I understand what you are saying. I should have responded to your views properly before going into tangent which was probably directed at OrangeAppled. Wanted to challenge thought perception and expressed conflicted ideas. Because it is entirely too confronting to present the raw insecurity forward. This is as much a females health as it is a males health. For the programming is so well entrenched its astonishing. But then that leaves me to answer why am I single then. Easy, family image put fear into my heart. This loop has been reset recently. And the very instruments that are indicators for health have until recently been switched off like a tap, the initiative, communication and personality which reduces communications needs and wants.

  8. #108
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synapse View Post
    What gets me is the lines underneath it all. While the ladies signal their intentions the blokes have to do the asking. In other words you passively indicate what you want and generally expect the opposite sex to ask. And being born attractive or a female normally this aspect becomes easy. To the point you receive unwanted attention all the time. Then imagine if you had a starvation, as a role reversal, to be placed in the other side for a sec. The difference then would be completely different.

    Why does he not evaluate his actions and how they lead to these results. But see isn't that just the quagmire, actions vs intentions. Yes Honest self analysis and changes are needed in both men and women, men more so that are unsuccessful but for goodness sakes, women shouldn't be scott free from this either. The self analysis and changes which is far easier when you have an action man around to push the flaws in a croner and not bother seeing your own insecurities and vulnerabilities. As much as it is hard for the bloke to do, the ego mind is a curiosity yeah. Especially in terms of a persons ability to be healthy, willingness to change, to have the awareness. Yes naturally to acknowledge the flaws.

    Just saying. sheepish grin.
    Either I'm totally ugly and unattractive or the top bolded is not true.

    This is another myth that so-called "nice guys" tout. Not all women, or even all attractive women, have an easy time dating with men falling into their laps and we just pick and choose. I wish!!!! I go looong stretches with little to no male attention. I do have to make a lot of effort to put myself out there & be vulnerable to get any sincere male attention.

    I am shy and have had a very hard time dating, but it's MY problem. It's not men's fault that I seem aloof. It's not their fault that I don't send clear signals of interest (which for women include being flirty & very warm). These are my issues I have to work on. I don't sit around bemoaning the fact that men can approach women without implications of being desperate, slutty, cougars, whatever. The fact of the matter is, in dating, both genders must make a substantial effort and will be faced with certain gender expectations to live up to. Neither has an easy time.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  9. #109
    Senior Member rainoneventide's Avatar
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    I'd say the "bad" guys are the ones that act interested just to get laid. The "nice" ones are actually interested in getting to know someone. I mean, of course they'll want sex too, but that's not their main objective.

    It all comes down to self-confidence, again. A guy surrounded by flocks of girls may look confident, but it might also be a facade to cover his insecurities--his insecurity that girls won't accept him as anything other than a "player". Also, the types of girls these guys attract are probably not ones you would normally be interested in if you were comfortable being yourself. They might also be just as insecure; you'll never know.

    Moreover, those "bad" guys usually move from one short term relationship to another. There isn't anything necessarily bad with that.

    What I'm trying to say is... you know how pyrite looks like real gold?

    Being yourself is a tough, lifelong process, but at the end of the day you'll feel a lot better.

    I don't know if any of this has been said earlier, I just kind of absorbed the previous posts and spat this out, lol.
    "So I say, live and let live. Thatís my motto. Live and let live.
    Anyone who canít go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker."
    - George Carlin

  10. #110
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    The pick-up definition of AFC refers to a man who is needy, clingy, relationship starved, and LACKS PERSONAL BOUNDERIES. He will do whatever the woman tells him. He will be totally dependent on her acceptance of him.

    While an INFP male may act in this manner, this is generally characteristic of all men who have not had that much experience with women and view an especially attractive woman as somewhat of a scarcity.

    At their best, a mature INFP can be especially whitty, intuitive, and of course INFP's are known for sticking to their personal values. INFP's have very strong personal bounderies about the things that are important to them. While I wouldn't suggest that INFP's are "naturals" with women, I believe that they can develop themselves to become very good with women, as they generally, intuitively get how to trigger attraction. If you look at the pick-up community, some of the best pick-up artists in the world I would suspect are INFPs. I would not agree that the definition of an AFC describes an INFP.

    Of course, I'm an INFP... so I may be a bit biased.

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