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  1. #41
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Whether you're holding ill feelings towards the person or not, if whatever your thoughts or feelings are towards that person are kept to yourself and the only clue they have to go by is your behaviour towards them and that behaviour is to avoid them ever since they said something that offended you, then that other person will very, very likely perceive you to be holding a grudge.

    It's like I'm speaking Martian or something! Why does what I'm saying keep coming across as unreasonable? Do INFJ's not understand the concept that other people can't read minds?
    It's not unreasonable. Your perspective is valid even if your conclusions about the motivation for such behavior is incorrect. But we're all just saying that that is not what a grudge is, you're assuming it is a grudge because of what you see on the surface.

  2. #42
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    Whether you're holding ill feelings towards the person or not, if whatever your thoughts or feelings are towards that person are kept to yourself and the only clue they have to go by is your behaviour towards them and that behaviour is to avoid them ever since they said something that offended you, then that other person will very, very likely perceive you to be holding a grudge.

    It's like I'm speaking Martian or something! Why does what I'm saying keep coming across as unreasonable? Do INFJ's not understand the concept that other people can't read minds?
    I must be the Martian...

    You're not expected to read minds... like I can't read your mind to find out why you would perceive avoidance as a grunge. To assign beliefs like that is assuming you can read minds...

    I guess from all that what you wanted to say is you would like people to be direct and tell you what's on their minds? If people ask me directly... I tell them. Or if I don't feel comfortable, I tell them I don't want to discuss it now... but if you ask me pointed questions are you feeling XXX I'm okay with answering yes or no.

    Let's play 20 questions with the Martian! What fun.
    My stuff (design & other junk) lives here: http://nnbox.ca

  3. #43
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightning View Post
    You're not expected to read minds... like I can't read your mind to find out why you would perceive avoidance as a grunge. To assign beliefs like that is assuming you can read minds...
    I already said irony was the word of the day, right? ...Okay, just checking

  4. #44
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tallulah View Post
    Maybe it's my T-ness showing here, but I'm gonna go ahead and ask it. If the situation's been acknowledged and discussed over the years, and everyone was pretty sure that he was the dad anyway, including her and the dad, how does that change the relationship fundamentally? I mean, didn't she already have a father/daughter relationship with this man?
    I was wondering the exact same thing but then I realized that it's possible that this could have to do with just the sisters. You know like, she feels "different" or like an outsider or not so bonded with them now and she resents that?

    Or maybe she's mad at Mom for making her waste years being angry at the man who turned out to not be her father. i.e. her saying "MY parents WEREN'T divorced."

  5. #45
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    It's not unreasonable. Your perspective is valid even if your conclusions about the motivation for such behavior is incorrect. But we're all just saying that that is not what a grudge is, you're assuming it is a grudge because of what you see on the surface.

    *picks self up off floor and calls janitor to sweep up clumps of torn out hair*

    *I* am not assuming ANYTHING. I'm just telling you that MOST PEOPLE will assume that!
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  6. #46
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    *picks self up off floor and calls janitor to sweep up clumps of torn out hair*

    *I* am not assuming ANYTHING. I'm just telling you that MOST PEOPLE will assume that!
    See your first post in this thread (and subsequent posts as well, that I am too tired to quote):

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    outrageous to try and say it's not an INFJ thing to hold grudges. just outrageous!

    they like, founded and run the national university of grudge holding! srsly!
    That's an assumption. You're assuming that INFJs hold grudges. If you're going to deny what you've said, at least do it in separate threads.

    For the record, no one is saying that no INFJs hold grudges, but that they specifically do not.

  7. #47
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    See your first post in this thread (and subsequent posts as well, that I am too tired to quote):


    That's an assumption. You're assuming that INFJs hold grudges. If you're going to deny what you've said, at least do it in separate threads.

    For the record, no one is saying that no INFJs hold grudges, but that they specifically do not.
    that's an assumption.

    It was actually a joke, I thought pretty obviously. a joke to introduce a more subtle, serious point. it's my way
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  8. #48
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    It was actually a joke. Pretty obviously!
    Sure. That's what they all say. It may have been exaggerated, but your follow-up posts backed up your opening statement. And a person could easily find other similar posts you've made about INFJs on this forum.

    Quote Originally Posted by substitute View Post
    a joke to introduce a more subtle, serious point. it's my way
    So you do believe that a grudge is being held and that is your main issue.

    Call me back to this thread when you're ready to stop contradicting yourself.

  9. #49
    Senior Member substitute's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lauren Ashley View Post
    Sure. That's what they all say. It may have been exaggerated, but your follow-up posts backed up your opening statement. And a person could easily find other similar posts you've made about INFJs on this forum.


    So you do believe that a grudge is being held and that is your main issue.

    Call me back to this thread when you're ready to stop contradicting yourself.
    no. I believe that, for the billionth time, the behaviour of avoiding people for a long time after they offended you, for whatever your internal reason, will be perceived as a grudge by most people. and my main issue or point is that the reason for this is because the INFJ tends to keep their real reasons to themselves, therefore not giving "the great unwashed" any reason to perceive that behaviour any differently to how they would (very often correctly) perceive it in most non-INFJ's.

    I believe that has been my point pretty consistently, dear. That you've found a dizzying number of ways to twist and misinterpret it wasn't part of my design.
    Ils se d�merdent, les mecs: trop bon, trop con..................................MY BLOG!

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  10. #50
    Revelation Lauren Ashley's Avatar
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    Okay, that wasn't your point from the beginning. Please stick to your arguments or don't make them. But anyone can go back to page 2 to see what your original point was so no need in me quoting and pointing it out over and over.

    Anyway, done with this thread. Next.

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