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  1. #261
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by calb View Post
    Why are you now saying it is risk, when moments ago you were fine to it being organic? The previous discussion was about the ENFP. So it would be the ENFP that took a big risk, unless I understand the context wrong here.
    ...k, I'm honestly out of ways of giving you an answer you don't really want to hear.

    It isn't an either/or situation.

    Somehow you don't get that both the organic moment and the actual doing of the homework are equally important and can each take place at a different time while being very much linked to each other.

    Do the work - get to know her and whether you can live with her flaws - and stop trying to game the system. Let her do the same and let the rest just happen without anticipating, expecting, demanding, controlling or being afraid of what might happen. There are *no* guarantees during courtship,however wonderful it does feel. And skipping courtship won't actually diminish the risk of breaking up - it just amps up the risk of you being heart-broken as you deluded yourself into thinking that you'd stay together coz you're so close. I know it sucks to deal with the insecurity during the scouting/courting phase, but it's seriously vital to go through if you don't want to be miserable later on in your relationship when you're already too committed and afraid to walk away from a shitty, yet familiar situation.

    / broken record.
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    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  2. #262
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    ...k, I'm honestly out of ways of giving you an answer you don't really want to hear.

    It isn't an either/or situation.

    Somehow you don't get that both the organic moment and the actual doing of the homework are equally important and can each take place at a different time while being very much linked to each other.

    Do the work - get to know her and whether you can live with her flaws - and stop trying to game the system - just let it happen without anticipating, expecting, demanding, controlling or being afraid of what might happen.

    / broken record.
    You're not allowing my NTJ to do it's work.

    A blast from the past:

    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Never ever ask the ENFP what the plan is. Know the plan and follow up on it. It just aint...our strength.
    Quote Originally Posted by uumlau View Post
    Fi for INTJs doesn't quite work like that, my dear Amar. At least in my own experience. It is more about self-knowledge, than other-knowledge. About being as honest with oneself as one can be, and letting that show to others. The connections with others arise from that self-honesty, which lets others connect with oneself (due to being open and honest), and serves as a quite apt substitution for being truly empathetic/sympathetic with others.

    When INTJs are truly empathetic/sympathetic with others, the chemistry tends to break, because our main strength is knowing "what works", but when we're too empathetic, we let the other person go too far, we resist our inclination to say "No, that's stupid" out of love, but the most loving, empathetic thing we could say at the moment truly is, "No, that's stupid." (Granted, there's probably a kinder way of saying it than "that's stupid.")
    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I was wondering about that. Tertiaries seem to stick to the basics and develop those really well, but I wasn't sure where the line went with Tertiary Fi vs Auxiliary Fi. It has always been hard to gauge for me as my INTJ tends to automatically tap me to take over when it comes to these kind of situations. I wasn't sure if that was coz he felt it was more convenient, wasn't sure he could handle it, or if he simply didn't..work that way. He is capable of following my lead on it though - as long as I break it down into concrete actions of what needs to know now pertaining this situation

    It is why I initially didn't include this information in the original post @chubber quoted by @Coriolis (and man, this might need a thread split if we re going to discuss this here ) and why I now labeled it intermediate Fi. I wasn't sure it would be of use to INTJs.


    Apparently contradictions from ENFPs are quite common. Telling me to follow the plan, because it is not the ENFP's strength. I ask what the plan is, and then I get told the plan is to let it just happen... while you yourself said that you tell your own INTJ it works as long as you tell him the plan....

  3. #263
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    That's your choice - but then I also no longer feel qualified or in any way prompted to answer your questions on this subject as you'll just reject the answer anyways. Clearly, my way doesn't work for you. I'm sure you'll find your way of doing it in the end.
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  4. #264
    failed poetry slam career chubber's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post


    That's your choice - but then I also no longer feel qualified or in any way prompted to answer your questions on this subject as you'll just reject the answer anyways. Clearly, my way doesn't work for you. I'm sure you'll find your way of doing it in the end.
    Maybe someone that is not an ENFP can tell me, what the plan is

  5. #265
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    I don't mean to limit all playfullness to flirting. But, it is the type of playfulness I enjoy most, my personal style if you will. I can be playful without flirting too, by being silly and absurd, but my signature style is by sexual innuendo. I see no reason to limit myself, if all participants are up for it
    Playfulness, teasing, flirting: fine line between them all, and by no means is any of it necessarily sexual.

    My guess is this is an ENTP thing as well.

    I flirt with everyone. Women I'm attracted to, not attracted to, old ladies in the checkout line at Trader Joe's. If I think I can make someone smile, I'll give it a go.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  6. #266
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post


    When the click happens. It doesn't adhere to a time schedule. It just happens. It's that moment that makes two people want to kiss each other
    Ahhh, a woman's "kiss me now" eyes. Took me FOREVER to recognize these. I still have painful memories of 1 or 2 specific women that, looking back on it now, were giving me those. What a brief window, and what a dumbass I was.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

  7. #267
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnnyyukon View Post
    Playfulness, teasing, flirting: fine line between them all, and by no means is any of it necessarily sexual.

    My guess is this is an ENTP thing as well.

    I flirt with everyone. Women I'm attracted to, not attracted to, old ladies in the checkout line at Trader Joe's. If I think I can make someone smile, I'll give it a go.
    this is good. i like people. i'm playful. i like to make interactions pleasant and fun. people read into that too far sometimes. if i'm actually interested in someone, topics go deeper, and longer more intense pauses start to enter the picture.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  8. #268
    Male johnnyyukon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by five sounds View Post
    this is good. i like people. i'm playful. i like to make interactions pleasant and fun. people read into that too far sometimes. if i'm actually interested in someone, topics go deeper, and longer more intense pauses start to enter the picture.
    yes, if it's someone that might interpret that as sexual attraction (if you don't mean it to be) it can get tricky. Pauses are great times to just start mugging down.
    I've had this ice cream bar, since I was a child!

    Each thought's completely warped
    I'm like a walkin', talkin', ouija board.

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