It isn't an either/or situation.
Somehow you don't get that both the organic moment and the actual doing of the homework are equally important and can each take place at a different time while being very much linked to each other.
Do the work - get to know her and whether you can live with her flaws - and stop trying to game the system. Let her do the same and let the rest just happen without anticipating, expecting, demanding, controlling or being afraid of what might happen. There are *no* guarantees during courtship,however wonderful it does feel. And skipping courtship won't actually diminish the risk of breaking up - it just amps up the risk of you being heart-broken as you deluded yourself into thinking that you'd stay together coz you're so close. I know it sucks to deal with the insecurity during the scouting/courting phase, but it's seriously vital to go through if you don't want to be miserable later on in your relationship when you're already too committed and afraid to walk away from a shitty, yet familiar situation.
/ broken record.