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  1. #181
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Time View Post
    I have to say that most of you are denying the truth to yourselves. Especially if you have INTJ friends of the opposite sex, then I doubt they are just there to be "friends"...if you don't feel sexual attraction, then you're leading them on, and you're about to crush all their hopes. When that's done, they will stop talking to you, forever, because that's what INTJs do.
    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    BS. That might be what you do. That isn't what all INTJs do.
    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Thats what meny others will allso do.
    He said if you have INTJ friends of the opposite sex you are leading them on if you aren't sexually attracted to them. Sounds a bit off to me. That's what I was responding to.

  2. #182
    Member allie bug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Really? Is this a problem for most ENFPs? Do you let most people touch you even, just like that? I don't. So when someone does they better have a good reason for it. If a girl grabbed my hand like that, I'd simply look her in the eyes. You don't even need to say anything. It' just like..."wth are you doing". But even if you had to, just say" what are you doing?" or "get off me dude" or something to that extent. Use humor or whatever.

    If you are a touchy feely person, I could see how that would be more a problem...but if you are, they why does it bother you that he's resting on your lap? And if you're not, why do you let him to that?
    Okay, I think I need to clarify that the hand holding and head-lap issue did not freak me out. That's not really the issue. Yes, I did remove my hand from is once i realized what was going on, and I eventually got off the couch to fix the head-lap issues. But then he grabbed my hand again....and then he put his head on my lap again when i got back to the couch and so on.

    What I'm getting at is that leading people on, or "flirting to hurt" (i think this is a pretty good term fro what this whole thread is about) all depends on how the perceptive the person is. Some people just do not take social cues.

    As for this being an issue with other ENFPs I have no idea. I just thought it was relevant to the thread

    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    Why??If they are just being your friends because they want to date you don't you think that speaks volume about their character?
    bc I don't want to embarass someone or hurt anyone's feelings. I avoid awkardess like the plague and I do my best to dissapate/eliminate it at all times. I like INTP's advice:

    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    You do it like this:Hi mr.x i am not intrested about you in eny romantic way, i just wanted to hang out with you as a friend....... Saying it straight like this you will hurt him the least and you will be least rude. If you do the magical enfp dissapearing trick you will hurt him more(maybe really really much more), but your just not there to see it. Not to mention how rude it is to dissapear without explaining yourself.
    So yes I probably should've been a little more proactive, but I don't want to react rashly (that always ends badly) so I wait until I have time to think about it. But I guess being the least rude is really muchbetter than hurting someone more or cutting them out completely

    To be honest, I've never really evaluated how the enfp disappearing trick affected people....actually feel pretty bad about it now

  3. #183
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    So yes I probably should've been a little more proactive, but I don't want to react rashly (that always ends badly) so I wait until I have time to think about it. But I guess being the least rude is really muchbetter than hurting someone more or cutting them out completely

    To be honest, I've never really evaluated how the enfp disappearing trick affected people....actually feel pretty bad about it now
    Imo you should think it this way: While your thinking about how to let him know that you dont feel the same way, hes thinking about you. When hes thinking about you, hes thinking that this girl likes me, how to get you like him more, how sweet you are etc. When you say it to him direcly asap, he wont get to think you that much and wont get so much time to think about all the sweet things about you -> it will be easier for him to handle the situation.

    I dont think its a wonder that you(and other enfps who do this) dont know how that dissapearing trick effects others, since your not there to see the efects.

    Its pointless to feel bad about that too much, it wont help enyone but it will make you feel bad. Just dont do it and after you dont do it in the situation that you might have done it in the past, you can feel proud about yourself for doing the right thing this time.

    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    ...That's what I was responding to.
    Oki. Not using quotes can be quite confusing.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  4. #184
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    (I quoted)

  5. #185
    Senior Member thescientist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Time View Post
    Well, I don't see the point in talking with a female, unless for the reasons of having a relationship. What's the point? Moreover, having a girl as your "friend" just complicates everything. There will always be some level of sexual tension in the relationship that I as an INTJ just don't want to deal with. And if you tell me there isn't any feelings there, then you're just denying yourself the truth.

    Evolution (if you believe in it) has led us to interact with people of the opposite sex for really only one reason, which is sex. If you look at all the other species of animals in the world, you will find that male animals interact with mostly other males (like playful wrestling or something), while female animals interact with mostly other females and their children. The only time male and female come together is to mate.
    Disagree with you there. I have many platonic male friends. Actually, being a female INTJ, I have WAY more male friends than I do girl friends.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Time View Post
    You ENFPs are full of BS...I can't tolerate this anymore. Where is your logic and rational thinking? Flirting leads people on. Flirting is an evolutionary utility created to make the process of mating easier. You can believe what you want, but in the end all the friends you have of the opposite sex are interested in you sexually. You are interested in them sexually also (you're just denying yourself the truth). ENFPs are known to fantasize about others while in a relationship and easily get bored with current friendships and relationships. So who are these people you think about? Really, how are others supposed to trust you?

    I'm leaving this conversation to find an INTJ forum, where people use logic instead of believing what they think to be true as absolute truth. You have to use logic and base your logic on facts, not just assume that you understand everything about yourselves so well. I have to say that most of you are denying the truth to yourselves. Especially if you have INTJ friends of the opposite sex, then I doubt they are just there to be "friends"...if you don't feel sexual attraction, then you're leading them on, and you're about to crush all their hopes. When that's done, they will stop talking to you, forever, because that's what INTJs do.
    The whole point of MBTI is to better understand how others work. You are just running away and rejecting an entire personality type rather than attempting to understand them. It's just very immature of you to just run away from the issue like that based on that one experience. If anything, this will help you better deal with ENFP's in the future.

    I've just been burned pretty badly by the ENFP coworker who seriously led me on. I am most certainly bitter and actually have more of a reason to be so than you. In MY case, he knew I liked him, we went out on dates. However, when in his mind he decided he was no longer interested, he continued to HEAVILY flirt with me at work AND kiss me at work, while the dates had completely ceased, totally leading me on for a long time. Then he would give me the cold shoulder to hurtfully hint that he was no longer interested rather than confronting me. It was horrible. And I'm still to this day dealing with those feelings. I decided to confront him about it and it went down horribly. All he did was point out MY MISTAKES. Didn't even apologize ONCE for his behavior, when I willfully apologized for my mistakes.

    Here's where the problem with ENFP's behavior lies. The moment they sense someone has misinterpreted their flirtation they need to STOP any and ALL flirtation with them immediately.

    I think that's where ENFP's differ with INTJ's. If I sense a male friend is starting to like me as more than a friend, I IMMEDIATELY make it very clear by my actions that I'm not interested in that way. I stop being extra friendly right away to not lead the person on.

  6. #186
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Yes, my dear, but Fe is much more forgiving then Fi when it comes to emotional elasticity; we can certainly "tone it down", but they might have problems doing the same, especially if they are immature, or they have conflicting emotions concerning the relationship, due to the "must be true to how I feel" mantra Fi is so known for.

    But anyway. I'm sorry this happened.
    Love is the point.

  7. #187
    Member allie bug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by INTP View Post
    Its pointless to feel bad about that too much, it wont help enyone but it will make you feel bad. Just dont do it and after you dont do it in the situation that you might have done it in the past, you can feel proud about yourself for doing the right thing this time.
    Update: I told the guy I'm not looking to date anyone....and the world didn't explode. In fact, he agreed! And yep, I feel a little proud of myself (and its going to be way less drama than having to avoid him)

  8. #188
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    Update: I told the guy I'm not looking to date anyone....and the world didn't explode. In fact, he agreed! And yep, I feel a little proud of myself (and its going to be way less drama than having to avoid him)
    Nice
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  9. #189
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    I dont know how or where this fits in... but I am an ENFP and I SUCK at flirting!!!
    ... couldn't drag me away

    Željko Ražnatovic: argus
    Željko Ražnatovic: do you want heir's?
    WildHorses: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
    Željko Ražnatovic: to carry your genealogical code??

  10. #190
    Charting a course
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wild horses View Post
    I dont know how or where this fits in... but I am an ENFP and I SUCK at flirting!!!
    Has someone told you that? Besides you yourself?


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