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  1. #171
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned
    Slip in a phrase like "I'm dating right now" (if you actually are) or "At this point in my life I'm more focused on X than I am on a finding a relationship". Things like that.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

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  2. #172
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned
    You do it like this:

    Hi mr.x i am not intrested about you in eny romantic way, i just wanted to hang out with you as a friend.

    There is nothing rude about saying it straight, its rude not to say it like that. Sorry to let you know that you cant say that in this situation without hurting his feelings. Saying it straight like this you will hurt him the least and you will be least rude. If you do the magical enfp dissapearing trick you will hurt him more(maybe really really much more), but your just not there to see it. Not to mention how rude it is to dissapear without explaining yourself.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  3. #173
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Time View Post
    Especially if you have INTJ friends of the opposite sex, then I doubt they are just there to be "friends"...if you don't feel sexual attraction, then you're leading them on, and you're about to crush all their hopes. When that's done, they will stop talking to you, forever, because that's what INTJs do.
    BS. That might be what you do. That isn't what all INTJs do.

    Quote Originally Posted by Keps Mnemnosyne View Post
    I do have a friendship with a female ENFP, and she is playful with her comments, but not flirty.
    I think playful is the perfect word. That would explain why I didn't understand when people thought I was flirting and I was just being nice. Also, many people just want to believe that if you smile at them you are flirting with them. I smile at everyone.

    It would also explain why ENFPs seem to flirt regardless of gender. It can just be a playful thing but people take it as flirting. Don't get me wrong, we can be flirts, too. It's just that the belief that we are always flirting is flawed.

  4. #174
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlackCat View Post
    What makes you (ENFPs) decide what kind of communication to use, flirting vs normal?
    I don't know. Like so many have said, it's difficult to even qualify what flirting is for an ENFP because we are generally playful.

    Like on here, is using the wink emoticon flirting?
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #175
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    BS. That might be what you do.
    Thats what meny others will allso do.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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  6. #176
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Having a friend of the opposite sex automatically means they want you and you will crush their soul when you reject them?

  7. #177
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    being genuinely interested in someone's beliefs, personal life, interests,etc. is, more often than not, taken as flirting. I engage in the same "mindplay" (i guess that's what you can call connecting with someone in a conversation) with my girlfriends as I do with male friends. Why can't I honestly be interested in what you have to say without an having an ulterior motive?

    Do you mean what the criteria is for me to flirt or what the definition of flirting actually is?
    The criteria for you to flirt, yes. I'm genuinely interest in people all the time and I never have people thinking I'm flirting with them. I just talk normally. I ask questions. I say things of my own. I hear them out. etc etc Rinse and repeat.


    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug
    i have current situation that i think applies here. i don't know how i got to this outcome, so maybe some non-enfps can give me some feedback

    I saw a guy I hung out with in highschool the other day. He asked for my number and said he was hanging out with the old group this weekend. He gave me a call and asked me to go to a music festival with said group yesterday. pushing through the crowd, he grabbed my hand to make sure we didn't get separated....then the hand holding continued when we were clear.

    later, we went to a friends house and hung out. he sat on the couch next to me, fell asleep, woke up, then put his head in my lap and snuggled my leg while we watched a movie with about 8 people.

    Now, I am not interested in this guy romantically. And at the end of the night I was called "his woman" by someone there. What was I supposed to do to get the point across. Shake his hand off and be standoffish? poke im in the eye when he put his head in my lap? Tell him I don't I'm not interested after a couple hours of hanging out?

    If we give off the wrong impression by flirting (in this case, I felt like I was simply avoiding being a bitch), what do we need to do to clarify what the situation is? I can usually tell if someone is interested in a more-than-friends way after about 15 minutes, wouldn't it be jumping the gun to say "Hey, hold up, you might be liking me, just want to make sure you don't do that"?
    Really? Is this a problem for most ENFPs? Do you let most people touch you even, just like that? I don't. So when someone does they better have a good reason for it. If a girl grabbed my hand like that, I'd simply look her in the eyes. You don't even need to say anything. It' just like..."wth are you doing". But even if you had to, just say" what are you doing?" or "get off me dude" or something to that extent. Use humor or whatever.

    If you are a touchy feely person, I could see how that would be more a problem...but if you are, they why does it bother you that he's resting on your lap? And if you're not, why do you let him to that?

    And yes, what's so wrong about shaking his head off or move your leg? Only someone with low self-esteem thinks people will hate them if they aren't always "nice", whatever "nice" even means this days.

  8. #178
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    oh but it's awkward and you feel presumptuous saying it if they haven't given you a reason to...if they do...absolutely of course but otherwise i think it's best everyone assume friendly intentions....

    but like allie's situation...i'd either just let go of his hand...or get up if he was trying to lay his head on me...or if i felt like it was appropriate...depending on if there were others in the room or not...probably best to just say...hey...what's goin on? you're being pretty affectionate tonight...somethin we ought to talk about? that is...if up to this point they were just friends.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #179
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by allie bug View Post
    how do you do that without being rude? i think that may be the core issue here. this happens to me a lot and I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings or have them not speak to me anymore bc i'm no longer a "potential mate" as someone else mentioned
    Why??If they are just being your friends because they want to date you don't you think that speaks volume about their character?



    PS: I haven't forgotten to address some of the replies people had to my posts btw. I will do so....eventually

  10. #180
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elaur View Post
    Having a friend of the opposite sex automatically means they want you and you will crush their soul when you reject them?
    No. Why?
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

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