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  1. #111
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Think we're in agreeance, safe for one thing: from what I can tell, you don't believe flirting can be done without someone getting hurt. From experience, I can tell you you're wrong
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  2. #112
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Think we're in agreeance, safe for one thing: from what I can tell, you don't believe flirting can be done without someone getting hurt. From experience, I can tell you you're wrong
    Oh I think it can, sure. But I know how ENFPs like to think they are the masters of communication and understanding..... and yet.... I've read enough stories here, about ENFPs hurting others in that way, to know that there's probably a lesson to be learned here by everyone.

    Also, I don't think flirting gives me the same pleasure it does to you. I just don't see what's so fun about it. It's cool when you're in the supermarket being playful with some nice old lady for the whole of, like, 5 minutes...but after that...it just gets boring. Do you constantly flirt with long time friends too? It just seems like a very superficial and boring way to "connect"...

  3. #113
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Don't forget that ENFPs too need to mature, like any type. I dunno about you, but I didn't ever consider myself a genius when it came to connecting with people, growing up. And I still don't. That's ENFJ territory, imo. Reading them, sure, like a book. But actually doing something with that info? Hell no.

    And yeah, mere flirting can get superficial and boring after a while, no doubt. That's why it's never the only thing I do. Flirting I use to verify to break the ice and gain some information about the person, see how they react, what they're like, to find out if we've got common ground, something else in common except this 'spark' we share. If we don't..it dies out. If there is more, I'll continue with that. I'll still toss in a playful remark now and again, but it will be mostly deeper conversation, laced with some playfulness. On occasion, I'll feel like being silly and go back to the flirting. I dunno. It just adds a nice touch, nothing more. It's like wearing make-up to me. It adds a little somethign which can be quite nice, but it doesn't define the person.
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  4. #114
    Nickle Iron Silicone Charmed Justice's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sytpg View Post
    It's cool when you're in the supermarket being playful with some nice old lady for the whole of, like, 5 minutes...but after that...it just gets boring. Do you constantly flirt with long time friends too? It just seems like a very superficial and boring way to "connect"...
    Flirting with senior citizens in the grocery store.

    Over the long term, I agree, flirting alone gets boring. But I've never seen anyone flirt long-term, at least not an ENFP, without also connecting to a person in other ways. But that's when it starts getting more complicated, because through the connecting behaviors, people begin to get other ideas.

    Playboys are the most fun to flirt with in the short term. You know they're flirting with you and 100 other people, and take it just as lightly.
    There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

  5. #115
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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  6. #116
    Member allie bug's Avatar
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    in a way, i think what's perceived as flirting is truly the way enfp's get to know other people. it's a playful attitude and accepting attitude. Just because we don't come right out and say "hey, I dont like you like that" doesn't mean we aren't totally pleased to be interacting with you. Do yall have issues keeping platonic friends? or even making them in the first place? Because every male friend I seem to make...no matter how much I clearly state "we are just friends" ends up either trying to persuade me to be romantically interested the whole time or getting really pissed and we don't talk anymore. It sucks....I don't know how not to flirt....or whatever it is I do.

  7. #117
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    I think it also has to do with the fundamental difference in biology. Most men talk to a woman with the idea that she is a potential mate and I might wanna date her eventually. Otherwise why would I take the time to talk to her? (yes this is a generalization, but it's amazing how often this is the case). Whereas women tend to just be interested in the person first and afterwards go..oh ok, he could be just what I need in a man. Ok. There are exceptions where attraction at first sight is very much true, but in general it seems to be that men approach women as relationship potential/fuck potential whereas women don't really think about it that consciously. It's not the first thing on our minds when we start talking to a person.
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  8. #118
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Don't forget that ENFPs too need to mature, like any type. I dunno about you, but I didn't ever consider myself a genius when it came to connecting with people, growing up. And I still don't. That's ENFJ territory, imo. Reading them, sure, like a book. But actually doing something with that info? Hell no.
    No, no. I meant reading yep. See that's just it. Some ENFPs claim to be able to read people's intentions effortlessly and then get surprised when people show they are romantically interested in them and that others perceive them as flirters. I mean...c'mon people!

    Yes ENFPs too need to mature. In fact, ENXPs are stereotypically supposed to be the ones that mature the latest or something, right?


    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    And yeah, mere flirting can get superficial and boring after a while, no doubt. That's why it's never the only thing I do. Flirting I use to verify to break the ice and gain some information about the person, see how they react, what they're like, to find out if we've got common ground, something else in common except this 'spark' we share. If we don't..it dies out. If there is more, I'll continue with that. I'll still toss in a playful remark now and again, but it will be mostly deeper conversation, laced with some playfulness. On occasion, I'll feel like being silly and go back to the flirting. I dunno. It just adds a nice touch, nothing more. It's like wearing make-up to me. It adds a little somethign which can be quite nice, but it doesn't define the person.
    I think you somehow see it as "playfulness implies flirting". Flirting is a specific kind of playfulness. There are lot of ways to be playful without hinting at anything even remotely sexual/romantic/whatever.


    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer
    Over the long term, I agree, flirting alone gets boring. But I've never seen anyone flirt long-term, at least not an ENFP, without also connecting to a person in other ways. But that's when it starts getting more complicated, because through the connecting behaviors, people begin to get other ideas.
    Exactly. A connection implies both parties know what's up.

    Quote Originally Posted by EnFpFer
    Playboys are the most fun to flirt with in the short term. You know they're flirting with you and 100 other people, and take it just as lightly.
    Funnily enough, if I were to catalog and use Te in the most simplistic and prejudiced way possible, I'd say playboys are the epitome of immaturity, irresponsibility and lack of self-awareness and self-confidence.

  9. #119
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Time View Post
    Definition of "flirting" (dictionary.com):
    (1) To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
    (2) To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with.

    I'm an INTJ and I personally have to say that flirting (defined as above, especially definition (1)), is truly a disgusting way to live your life. It may be in an ENFP's nature to flirt with people, but you lead people on and eventually you hurt them in a way that is unforgivable. I know I sound harsh, but what can I say, this is how I see it. You ENFP's are attention whores and without any sense of stability or conviction in your life. Once your interest in a person has died, you find someone else and flirt with them. How are others supposed to trust you, especially in a relationship. I'm very bitter.

    A few months ago, I met this girl who was an ENFP. I thought she was pretty, but like most people in the world, I didn't really talk to her (b/c of my INTJness). Initially, I didn't like her personality. She seemed to want to please everyone in the world. But as time passed, I found her to be seemingly warm and caring, and she grew on me, she somehow broke my barrier. I am a really shy person to be honest. Nonetheless, I began to let myself out, I told her about things I don't tell most people in the world. She seemed to care about what I had to say, so I told her more things (stuff I've never told anyone), my dreams, my fears, hopes, etc...I trusted her. And trust me, breaking an INTJ's barrier isn't easy, especially if he initially doesn't like your personality. I thought that she was genuinely interested in me, and sometimes it seemed that she was able to remember all the little things I did, so I assumed that she noticed those things because of her romantic interest in me. Other times, she would find me and talk with me, alone.

    So, I gathered all my courage, which for me took great amounts of energy and focus. I strategically found the perfect time and place, and I told her my feelings. And that was when I was surprised to hear that she only wanted to be my "friend", that she didn't see me that way. Maybe, for an ENFP, leading someone on is a hobby, but that really hurt. I felt so betrayed. It's been several weeks now, and I still feel so worthless, so used, and even more isolated in my life than I've ever been. It's so hard for me to open up to anyone now. I feel that people are just waiting to stab me in the back. I feel like a fool for falling for her flirtatious behavior. I should have seen through it, but now all I can think about is how much I cared for that whore. As an INTJ, I hate to admit it, but I cried (not in front of her, of course). It had been so many years since the last time I cried.

    If this doesn't show you why you shouldn't flirt with someone (unless you're genuinely interested in them and need some way to approach them), then you ENFP's aren't warm and caring, but rather heartless monsters preying on other's weaknesses to make yourselves feel better.
    wow wth...i refuse to believe it's wrong to genuinely care about someone and develop a friendship with only platonic interests...it's just not right to say women who do so are heartless monsters. it is one thing if they lead you to believe they are romantically interested but unfair of you to assume such just because they're talking to you. people need to learn the difference and ask for clarification if you're confused. we should not have to close ourselves off from people for fear that they may develop feelings...it doesn't seem fair.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
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  10. #120
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    Sy, it's not coz you can read something, that you can interpret it perfectly. I can read what someone is feeling, but the way they will interpret those feelings and use them is an entirely different thing. Realizing someone is in love with you is an interpretation..not something you read. You read warmth, closeness, comfortableness, feeling special, causing soothing emotions and blissfull ones in the other and vice versa. But..since I'm experiencing the same as they are and I'm not in love..how am I to know that the other will consider it infatuation? That's what I mean with doing something with that info..it's an entirely different skill.


    I don't mean to limit all playfullness to flirting. But, it is the type of playfulness I enjoy most, my personal style if you will. I can be playful without flirting too, by being silly and absurd, but my signature style is by sexual innuendo. I see no reason to limit myself, if all participants are up for it
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