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  1. #101
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thescientist View Post
    A spinoff on my INTJ/ENFP thread update. I came across an ENFP's blog and he had a post on flirting.

    How many of you ENFP's can relate to this ENFP's words and patterns of flirtation:




    If you're interested in reading the full blog post you can find it here:
    A long post about flirtation, validation, and conversion at Hugo Schwyzer
    No, I do not relate.

    I flirt with both men, and women.

    I flirt because it is fun. I especially flirt when in a safe environment, i.e. when I am with my boyfriend so as not to have the one I'm flirting with confuse my flirtation as genuine interest.

    But, when I flirt, there is some sort of interest there, it's a style of communication, of banter, of getting to know someone with an added layer of, well, fun.

    I love hanging around people who have positive energy, and when I deem someone to be "good people", I tend to flirt with them all the time.

    I will shower them with affirmations and compliments.

    Do I do this so they will do it back?

    Perhaps, on a subconscious level, maybe.

    But I generally want my affirmation from a select few.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

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  2. #102
    Reptilian Snuggletron's Avatar
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    what is flirting to you, exactly?

    I would never show interest to anyone I wasn't well...interested in.

  3. #103
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Flirting: Playful communication with a twist of subtle sexual tension, or innuendo.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  4. #104
    Welcome to Sunnyside Mondo's Avatar
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    This sounds a little bit like the ENTP's flirting style- except the ENTP is more crude and less focused on admiration itself and sees it more so as either a way to play with people or get laid..
    MBTI Type: iNTj
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  5. #105
    Scream down the boulevard LadyJaye's Avatar
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    I enjoy playful banter with people, if that's considered flirting. I do that with men and women. It's just meant to lighten the mood, make people laugh. I'm not making bedroom eyes at everyone within a 50 mile radius of me, though. I reserve hardcore flirting with only the guy I'm interested in. And I certainly don't do it as a way to get my ego boosted at the expense of someone else.

  6. #106
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    Definition of "flirting" (dictionary.com):
    (1) To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
    (2) To deal playfully, triflingly, or superficially with.

    I'm an INTJ and I personally have to say that flirting (defined as above, especially definition (1)), is truly a disgusting way to live your life. It may be in an ENFP's nature to flirt with people, but you lead people on and eventually you hurt them in a way that is unforgivable. I know I sound harsh, but what can I say, this is how I see it. You ENFP's are attention whores and without any sense of stability or conviction in your life. Once your interest in a person has died, you find someone else and flirt with them. How are others supposed to trust you, especially in a relationship. I'm very bitter.

    A few months ago, I met this girl who was an ENFP. I thought she was pretty, but like most people in the world, I didn't really talk to her (b/c of my INTJness). Initially, I didn't like her personality. She seemed to want to please everyone in the world. But as time passed, I found her to be seemingly warm and caring, and she grew on me, she somehow broke my barrier. I am a really shy person to be honest. Nonetheless, I began to let myself out, I told her about things I don't tell most people in the world. She seemed to care about what I had to say, so I told her more things (stuff I've never told anyone), my dreams, my fears, hopes, etc...I trusted her. And trust me, breaking an INTJ's barrier isn't easy, especially if he initially doesn't like your personality. I thought that she was genuinely interested in me, and sometimes it seemed that she was able to remember all the little things I did, so I assumed that she noticed those things because of her romantic interest in me. Other times, she would find me and talk with me, alone.

    So, I gathered all my courage, which for me took great amounts of energy and focus. I strategically found the perfect time and place, and I told her my feelings. And that was when I was surprised to hear that she only wanted to be my "friend", that she didn't see me that way. Maybe, for an ENFP, leading someone on is a hobby, but that really hurt. I felt so betrayed. It's been several weeks now, and I still feel so worthless, so used, and even more isolated in my life than I've ever been. It's so hard for me to open up to anyone now. I feel that people are just waiting to stab me in the back. I feel like a fool for falling for her flirtatious behavior. I should have seen through it, but now all I can think about is how much I cared for that whore. As an INTJ, I hate to admit it, but I cried (not in front of her, of course). It had been so many years since the last time I cried.

    If this doesn't show you why you shouldn't flirt with someone (unless you're genuinely interested in them and need some way to approach them), then you ENFP's aren't warm and caring, but rather heartless monsters preying on other's weaknesses to make yourselves feel better.

  7. #107
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    First off, I wanna say I feel for you, feeling betrayed in such a way. It *is* painful. Heartbreak is never easy to bear. And I understand how your view of this situation works. But I'm unsure if you can see hers.

    She lives for connecting with people. Deeply, at that. It's what drives her. Getting to know others, how they work, what makes them tick. Does that mean she considers them to be just objects? Probably not (since I don't know her), and I'm going to say 'no' is almost certainly the answer.

    Most ENFPs care deeply for the person they're connecting to, getting to know, having a great time with. I love sharing deep, intense and warm feelings with someone. It makes me feel safe and I'll gladly reciprocate that feeling. It's a wonderful experience. Yes, we do this with a few people, though not everyone we come across, as we don't have this click with anyone. I have no doubt you were special to her. I have no doubt that she cared deeply for you...as a friend. Because we are that intense in our friendships, it is often hard to gauge when we are in fact infatuated and when we're just greatly appreciative of the friendship and bond we've build up with you.

    One clear hint that we're smitten is when we initiate contact ourselves at regular intervals and go out of our way to see you (not meet you at school or some place we always see each other, but actually make appointments and stuff to see you, as this is hard on us to do). The whole 'I cannot stay away from him'-thing.

    I can see why you thought differently and, from your perspective, rightly so. But I can assure you now that she didn't mean to lead you on, play tricks on you, or be malicious. She was merely being who she is. You were special to her. You probably still are. She's probably beating herself over the head right now, wondering why this keeps happening to her and why she loses close friends this way. Just because she feels you two wouldn't be right for each other as a couple, doesn't mean she doesn't like you or cares for you at all.

    I realize it hurts. And you are right to feel angry and resentful and annoyed with the situation. But realize she's not the devil incarnate. She's just a girl who happened to like you for who you are, as a friend.

    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  8. #108
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    We are not all flirters, Mr.Time. Your ENFP might be. But yes I agree with your sentiment on flirting a bit :

    "If this doesn't show you why you shouldn't flirt with someone (unless you're genuinely interested in them and need some way to approach them), then you ENFP's aren't warm and caring, but rather heartless monsters preying on other's weaknesses to make yourselves feel better."

    I've learned long ago it takes very little to lead someone on, and I think that's in part too why I developed a somewhat rough exterior, particularly when dealing with women. No mixed signals.


    It's actually pretty simple, really. If I'm not interested in someone why be playful in that way and risk triggering sexual tension or romantic feelings? What's so fun about it anyway? Petting each other's egos?

    I'd say (and no Amargith, this is not intended to be a remark directed at you ) that ENFPs who flirt constantly and with everyone, have yet to mature when it comes to their need of feeling wanted. It's also a sign of irresponsibility, which is often something we might be guilty of in other areas too. Some ENFPs want to get their cake (interacting and "feeding off" people) and eat it too (expect others to fully understand what's their deal here...cause "we are free spirits can't you see?"), much like kids. We are so similar to kids in some ways.

  9. #109
    The High Priestess Amargith's Avatar
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    You're entitled to your opinion, sweety, and no I won't take it personally. Maybe you do have a point, I dunno. You're right that the realization of the effect we seem to have is part of growing up. And that curbing misunderstanding is definitely something we need to learn, on this area.

    But your reasoning also makes me wonder if some people should maybe lighten up and act like children again. Doing something because it is enjoyable (provided nobody gets hurt!), and nothing more isn't a bad thing, even if the motivation for it is ultimately a bit selfish and feeds your inner child. It makes life enjoyable. Otherwise we'd have to be serious all the time. No fun in that, and such a waste imo
    ★ڿڰۣ✿ℒoѵℯ✿ڿڰۣ★





    "Harm none, do as ye will”

  10. #110
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amargith View Post
    Doing something because it is enjoyable (provided nobody gets hurt!), and nothing more isn't a bad thing, even if the motivation for it is ultimately a bit selfish and feeds your inner child. It makes life enjoyable. Otherwise we'd have to be serious all the time. No fun in that, and such a waste imo
    Well, that's the point isn't it. Does it really matter whether we think we are doing anything wrong, if other people keep complaining about it [?]all the time[/i]? (I'm not talking about we per se, not even ENFPs only...this really applies to everyone living in society)

    And as far as "doing something enjoyable and nothing more" is concerned....I could apply that reasoning to so many things. And in so many planes it would immediately conflict with my Fi. I think the really important thing to realize is that immediate satisfaction is often just that...immediate...not long lasting. So there IS a good reason to not simply act on impulses, and it doesn't necessarily make you any less happy. Otherwise we would lead life doing only what we felt like doing.

    I'm a firm believer that maturing has nothing to do with becoming bitter or more serious AT ALL. But self-improvement is a very beautiful thing. It's hard, but then you get your pay off too. Balance.

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