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  1. #11
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    I think as INFPs, we're just so willing to give our all, you know? Like if someone needs help, we're one of the few people to actually give them it. And not just help, it's help from the heart, help that matters because we actually care about that person, no matter if we just met, or if we've been friends forever.
    Let me ask you this - what do you expect in return for helping someone like that?

  2. #12
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    Let me ask you this - what do you expect in return for helping someone like that?
    I dunno. I feel like I'm being a good person, I guess. I feel like I'm using my Fi to help someone who may not be able to make a certain decision on their own. It makes me feel good inside, I suppose.

  3. #13
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    I was a lot like you when I was younger...the peeps I saw that needed help, I gravitated to them like a star to a black hole, only to get sucked into their pit of despare with me as an emotional sacrifice to their gods of Self-Loathing, False Sympathy Needs and--the the biggest idol, Selfishness.

    Long story short, I realized I had to make some healthy friends--peeps that wouldn't need to lean on me 100% of the time, but really want to be able to stand on their own two feet--because Metaphours, you can only really help those who show evidence of trying to help themselves. Lots of people say they want to...few actually do.
    Love is the point.

  4. #14
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    I dunno. I feel like I'm being a good person, I guess. I feel like I'm using my Fi to help someone who may not be able to make a certain decision on their own. It makes me feel good inside, I suppose.
    Okay, feel free to stop with this line of questioning if need be....

    My next question: If it feels good to help someone, why does it matter if they are just using you? Is the act good enough on its own, or do you need something else?

  5. #15
    cast shadows metaphours's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    I was a lot like you when I was younger...the peeps I saw that needed help, I gravitated to them like a star to a black hole, only to get sucked into their pit of despare with me as an emotional sacrifice to their gods of Self-Loathing, False Sympathy Needs and--the the biggest idol, Selfishness.
    This is exactly how I feel.
    (Well written!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Fuzzcrossed View Post
    Long story short, I realized I had to make some healthy friends--peeps that wouldn't need to lean on me 100% of the time, but really want to be able to stand on their own two feet--because Metaphours, you can only really help those who show evidence of trying to help themselves. Lots of people say they want to...few actually do.
    I see...

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    My next question: If it feels good to help someone, why does it matter if they are just using you? Is the act good enough on its own, or do you need something else?
    It's not just the act alone, I guess it goes deeper, it's the feeling that this person who is using me, cares for me. I feel like all the time I'm doing things for others, always taking care of them, etc., but it almost feels as if no one cares for me. And when that person comes along, I feel like we have a symbiotic relationship going where we both help each other and bring our emotions to the forefront with each other and care for each other. And when that person's gone, I realize, "that person didn't care for me at all." I suppose it's more of that than the feeling that I'm doing good for somebody.

  6. #16
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Not that you need another one or anything.
    Love is the point.

  7. #17
    Was E.laur Laurie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    It's not just the act alone, I guess it goes deeper, it's the feeling that this person who is using me, cares for me. I feel like all the time I'm doing things for others, always taking care of them, etc., but it almost feels as if no one cares for me. And when that person comes along, I feel like we have a symbiotic relationship going where we both help each other and bring our emotions to the forefront with each other and care for each other. And when that person's gone, I realize, "that person didn't care for me at all." I suppose it's more of that than the feeling that I'm doing good for somebody.
    I've heard this before. I really think that it's feeling selfless but not actually being selfless. People will use others, but it's not the overwhelming thing that people do. Maybe people feel your selfless acts and realize it's not about them, it's more about you. I'm having a hard time articulating this.

  8. #18
    Shaman BlackCat's Avatar
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    It's always good to keep a realistic view about people. If I'm going to help them, I ask myself "what will I get out of this? Will they reciprocate?" If it involves money I'll ask myself "will I realistically get paid back?" etc.

    When they are using me for something that isn't a material thing... Well I pick up on it and blow them off. You do the whole "doorslam" thing. I'd suggest you getting good at it.
    () 9w8-3w4-7w6 tritype.

    sCueI (primary Inquisition)

  9. #19
    Senior Member TopherRed's Avatar
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    Sounds about right to me, E. We want to be loved in return. Far easier to get that from someone who seems to be dying and is sending out all the hints they can to say "I'll do (feel) anything (for you) if you save me."

    What we, the poor unsuspecting NFs don't realize, is that they've got an oversized butcher knife behind their back and they're not just using it to look sexy. Think Aztec.
    Love is the point.

  10. #20
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Good advice from Fuzzcrossed. People showing evidence that they want to help themselves, and just not use you, is important. The latter will never appreciate you.

    Agreed with Elaur 100%. That was actually what MY personal issue boiled down to.

    Quote Originally Posted by metaphours View Post
    It's not just the act alone, I guess it goes deeper, it's the feeling that this person who is using me, cares for me. I feel like all the time I'm doing things for others, always taking care of them, etc., but it almost feels as if no one cares for me. And when that person comes along, I feel like we have a symbiotic relationship going where we both help each other and bring our emotions to the forefront with each other and care for each other. And when that person's gone, I realize, "that person didn't care for me at all." I suppose it's more of that than the feeling that I'm doing good for somebody.
    Perhaps they did care for you, a symbiotic relationship was created, but they just moved on.

    Here is something to think about. There are many ways that bonds between people can be formed. A mutual struggle is one such way. The problem is that once one or both people are in a better place, that force that drew them together no longer exists. So unless they've forged something deeper by that time, *poof*. The bonding materials disappear, and you guys go your separate ways. It doesn't mean that the bond was any less real, though.

    Of course, there are other explanations - such as the fact that if you are a giver you will often attract takers.

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